Sunday, December 31, 2006

Turn Again

personally ever optimistic worried ever more about the world worrying ever since the sixties turn we must turn again remember revive progressive ideals fairness justice civil rights necessarily redistribute wealth greed has no place sure no respect disarm weapons only harm cry for the lost the suffering in the new year turn

Two People

this year violet realizes what a treasure her sweet man is she looks back and sees she was in a spin keeping a limit on what she felt no longer held balance and harmony but she saw a very strong person in herself writing gave her a feeling of knowing who she is and what she wants between two people if she did not stop and look it might have gone in the wrong direction violet wants a strong balanced relationship she has it starry-eyed when she sees him her heart feels warm she feels safe grateful violet wishes everyone harmony and balance

Saturday, December 30, 2006

History of Sleaze

remorseless brutal murdering tyrant wasn't he Cheney's man against Iran didn't the U.S. ambassador as much as say O.K. take Kuwait what a long disgusting history of sleaze

Friday, December 29, 2006

One Thing

Where I think you may be wrong is that you seem to be thinking that if you decide not to become one thing, the other thing you become has to be better. (Doris Lessing) bad wine cooking accumulates my old not good air clears sympathies active departure advances brother more oil two cats buy boxer briefs funky café waiter son ex-husband link beans poems pingpong party gathering seeds as time runs out lords planet little lives outweigh historical philosophy begin anew

Thursday, December 28, 2006

I Can

blundered critical possibly snide provoking spin apology rejected communication breakdown alas gutter up more poems typed in whipped up good shrimp curry read books by fire as if alone can't help self-expression well I could should mind step light be good why me because I can

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Skin Tight

violet took the money she is very careful first she thought of thrift stores churches have good ones then she changed her mind Ann Taylor if you wait long enough you can find something there plain simple beautiful and seventy percent off content to think it did not matter she found black no pockets skin tight pants tomorrow Saks seventy percent off

Christmas for Violet

violet was touched by the gesture under the tree an envelope filled with money and a note buy some clothes it was too much she could not accept it strange your lover gives you money to buy yourself clothes and you barely have enough to buy him a pair of socks painful his shirts cost as much as your rent and you can barely make your rent

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Beautiful Movie

inviting New Year sitting down wine time cheese new people same party paintings menu chili honey ham rain day needed confrontation tears hugs no cork tiles like the ones I installed for Helen years ago precious friends for Christmas ruled by fool can no one stop him too intense flee talk try walk it's raining round driveway visit horses calmness helps open free heart "Faraway, So Close!" beautiful movie

Monday, December 25, 2006

How Else

existence precedes essence still makes me dizzy feel endangered as if on a train to New Haven after a confusing weekend in New York Christmas photographs resume ritual embraces all subjective as if life really is a novel just as I expected phenomena without within blur together balance revealed as if astrology has any reality how else explain my Libra nature angst forgotten one wanders off here not pausing but composing as if having learned to be in more than one place at the same time

Sunday, December 24, 2006

One Life

five projects morning droop Julian Carol analyzing world problems too much for me decorating tree tips memory fuss-free pleasing no Christ myth nice story great music who are killers why spend one life spreading misery enough already baffling if desperate despair we who can fix it don't heart sick with pity shame apology

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Go Shop

educational paperwork instead of tree palace or karma instead of drumming photographing father recliner relaxed trees free renaturalized Julian haircut peanut butter banana cottage cheese go shop read nap pay bills do website new moon gleams limpid evening sky within time gravity nothing else exists

Friday, December 22, 2006

Odd Reading

solstice hurray longest night dream wracked tsunami from above climbing travel another universe wrong car Julian train stretch time sunlight pouring in south trees gone whole house bright music ideas sensations coolly flaming midst winter iron-filtered water odd reading Barthes Vidal lovely Christmas cards sent Donald's skyline curtain "Trouble" aglow

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Tree Men

Short as his life is, no man is so happy that it shall not be his lot, not only once but many times, to wish himself dead rather than alive. (Herodotus) Mozart enough breakfast lunch anticipating planetary devolution slow cold pleasure moving fences make way for tree men machines driving shopping dine Papa Haydn Lora-Faye examined moves or not What do we do now, now that we are happy? (Beckett)

Monday, December 18, 2006

Save All

frost coat every twig fence mesh white light so pretty tiny frost flakes filtering morning sun subscribe n+1 need intellectual food stir like Kunkel's democratic socialist David's war on cars written word so tiring feeble artifact to hold save all

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Tell Me

pleasant happy dues all paid director's commentary my corks rubber band ball Christmas figures polish piano tabletops pack up my father's offensive elephants dorm room half emptied useless resist drugs contempt for A's no likely friends ski read good books collect good music history can go to hell without my voice slick driveway broken tooth trees fall tell me feelings how we are different awake receptive finally warm electric fish new horse ready respect sabbath

Friday, December 15, 2006

Iraq Now

U.S. out of Iraq now harm done stop doing more that's what I think Dennis Kucinich for President

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Big Thump

drive rain wind spume-blinding freeway parking crunch Pearl Christmas craze "I Am My Own Wife" deep underground new studio talkative Lesbian behind us old misanthropy threatens public joys run feed meter self quick intermission Wade McCollum terrific excess effects granddaughter occupied studying finals home swift drowned fields philosophize walk creek full wind roaring other side house low snug haven read write cook spoonbread big thump against wall what whole top half tall spruce broke off fell against house ripped off gutter section phone wire window chimney roof O.K.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Real Person

morning light gray softly blending hotel dreams beautiful Bob Dylan ejaculation wealth granola yummy Ruth Mexico David Korea another morning possible improbable go anywhere else only this time place sensations toes ears skin an organ Grieg Woodard Adams Kurtág me real person Billy Name never was

Monday, December 11, 2006

No Hurry

cards now after dinner movies stacking up no hurry no days longer easy word wizzing Soren sister messages only phone unrings dubious battery missed rendezvous delay blowing rain spume off road saved music pictures clunky coat shoes sensational art

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Stuffed Sole

Jerry knows everything that's going on Lorin is learning Chinese she is earth I am air what system use doesn't matter same stars seasons good Italian food I ate mussels Carol stuffed sole like the New York party food she did long ago toasted sesame seeds finished granola enzyme pills help French fries mousse

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Too Serious

not a mirror but a lamp ambition of brightness used up renewed again each thought familiar fresh good will springs youthful pratfall pitfall too serious inapropos soon late real tragedy loss everyone will know content reaccented how happy I am expectant born redefined expired

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Oddly Touching

senseless spinning without a story what is the story perfectibility fading anyway freshman roommate surfaces email don't you love it connections survive oddly touching others loved more vanished must be dead no way to know more truly

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Free to Speak

haircutter curious describe process writing play place root characters from nature each embodies possible attitude metabolism reaction heightens contrast energy spiral draws power real emotion world internalized fictive they are free to speak It is by dint of agitating ourselves to increase our happiness that we convert it into unhappiness. (Rousseau)

Monday, December 04, 2006

No Excuse

images Jose Padilla blind deaf manacled American justice victim shame on us all latest closest how love prairie mountain wistful beauty rooted native people soil shadows happiness better dream strive realize true being expression no excuse

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Always Conspire

never do it alone always conspire Judith Malina told Ed Sanders so many years ago already wise we writers conspire with our words

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Much Mozart

is what is not happening anything what should I do saw "The Queen" worked book played much Mozart walked leather soles cooked et al. still not happening leaves empty pages erased as well not imagined stage still private salvage people later not existing unless embodied

Friday, December 01, 2006

Face It

the century of happiness was the 18th face it we are too late witnessing decline disintegration the sea the very air threat specific everywhere ideal fantasy perfectibility obsolete bets called poignant appropriate emotion Paris last seen great cities concentrate apology like Yoko Ono what else say sorry live quiet small comforts pleasures giving guide warm attractive space

Hidden Light

pressure off will momentum dissipating two months free thinking bed peaceful heavy lifts I don't have to do mourning my imagined world won't become real actors body characters sweet action be mysteriously alive speculation afloat little group not meet work play find inner outer none react to hidden light

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Such Fun

cancellation looming not enough actors cast Frank Stephen Chris Louise Sibby two Trolls no Bob Susan can't rehearse Gary Michele regret no one left to ask can I be glad not really I was up for it out every night work my balls off for nothing again deliver show how can I be happy not nothing else such fun

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Dumb Eyes

all kinds animals living penned alpacas camels bison goats dumb eyes asking what is this why new sky angels sand worm jackal dinosaur puppy image recurs big decision deadline cost plus rent not reason emotion intuition money whatever must come go

Monday, November 27, 2006

Thick Air

weather continues entertaining snow thick air slick road white light dim bright big tree fence colder shorter postnap losing forlorn forsaken philosophical design unintelligent measure stage do something quickly gloved hatted simple reality agenda phone calls email hug

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Keep Asking

others marriages appear mechanical keep asking is this really what I want to be doing otherwise weird patterns make-believe attachments choiceless repetition ask yourself every minute remember not just happening doing

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Editing Barbara

refusal to underline significances is that wise casting notes Erika out Dane offended Gary hooked I hope gallery quiet one two appreciators editing Barbara learning styles finally thanks Carol excellent teacher cheese wine soup salad cell phone literate reading

Friday, November 24, 2006

Orderly Life

One expression of the precepts is leading a clear orderly life on an individual level. (Harada Roshi) an endless struggle with packaging boxes tubes wrappers bottles corks tape stickum inner seals drive nuts A single experience of enlightenment does not mark the end of training; continued diligence and effort are necessary for progress in the Way.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Poor People

too much food annoying convention more past people dishes no restraint loving misguided gladly be there any pounds unwelcome liqueurs tequila new old friends dubious personality dissections Madonna Bob Dylan the Beatles common wealth French silver to father what are poor people doing

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

One Waking

prethank Julian mysterious screensaver rock surface blue gray rust Alfred being all places all time one waking unfolding all loving harmonizes eternal geometry sound light psychedelic body humming prethank peace for people health for self

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

One More

strange weariness straggle house lie bed unmoving under afghan listen NPR drift disembodied rise restored stage dinner serious conversational issues move past one more hand solitaire one more fruit jelly transcribing hard rest good hygiene Julian coming two days train quiet time digs play ideas arise practical other plan college homey vision stay open fly back?

Monday, November 20, 2006

What Gives

Joe Cino 75 laughing in heaven I hope dead have birthdays only living parties I guess we all have to miss something which vulnerability triggered you never know till happens opera confraternity family holidays websites love sharing what gives who knows other issues emerging cultures in chaos idealized past our culprit glory spirit soaring

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Two Poets

poetry people gather Paulann's afternoon wine coffee sweets (pots de crême) talk candles colored leaves clinging rainy light books anthologies two poets read poems farm boy looking back elective poignance Cambridge translate English into English sweet warmth old friends she kissed me everyone someone I will never catch up Oregon City scenic detour fog home dark

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Good Work

grandmother granddaughter cooking a soufflé! relaxing me self-satisfied writing progress end in view he dies revision begins books overlap a multibook revision meanwhile play what a life revelation day unpredictable outcome I'll go party Paulann poets take Stephen meet Kelley there or not spinning forward doing some or more than revealed writer's secret good work

Friday, November 17, 2006

Barely Poetry

lost Richard accepted David Erika called Shawn cast wavering ahead chilly routine drive swim shop get poems asked join Arts Association board be president treasurer must resist decline it's not my thing I'm interested theatre literature music publishing barely poetry enough home lunch read nap write play Kuhlau cook mudslide closed Mt. Hood skiing Lora-Faye came here

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Town Ideal

car miraculously well again radio working corroded battery terminals weak excuse cellphone charged up knee going out Mozart Schumann used up new what now back to Bach Brahms Debussy Schubert not now Scarlatti harpsichord honey Norman Rockwell town ideal embrace it Tchaikovsky still soars life mind all art reflection repeats praise participants

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Still Looking

beauty promise happiness thanks Stendhal natural storyteller fickle web crawlers fail digging "Eros" one unforgettable hand-job actors audition choose quickly easily fill roles save one still looking perfect Susan dancer comes tomorrow dream vision all at once everything poems Johnny book emails blog Mozart Netflix love my GTI recovering generations pass present will

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Too Happy

poems pour in quality printing requires money why am I blithe Ginger steps up thinking clearly I am too happy easy over fatal gambit trusting chance my luck holding process its own solution

Monday, November 13, 2006

Blind Creation

hobbling housework leaves me lame new pills delivered rational dose my car disabled imagines I'm stealing it shuts off I'm stranded downtown in rain dark phone friends Steve kindly rescues drives me home my thanks casting swift good eight of ten play sounds O.K. adventure ahead three weeks yet window other work then plunge two months I know process collaborate familiars blind creation intention action new people emerge

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Bad Luck

apologies killing spiders bad luck karma but we can't have them in bed biting us wind here roaring pressure lights flicker scary might blow down trees on house on me blow roof off barn or anything honor fear great nature critical habitat

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Not Thinking

do I have to go on forever for myself my one reader what is the game I started not thinking go for 1,000 anything arbitrary beyond indulging secret what ever means doing cop out later

Friday, November 10, 2006

I Float

approximate value zero now I say sharp words cut both ways so O.K. laugh let be what is glad challenge rain wind cold sole swimmer huge warm pool guard watch talk change fantasy project moot I float anyway screaming approval kids loved joke smut good will covered gaps lapses cheerful messages await discovery

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Public Duties

"Repo Man" one a.m. best time pretty dumb "Wicker Man" just as bad really stupid cult "Betty Blue" prime eve great sad naked film public duties interest me less than private acting investigations being various forms distraction whiling idly generating words

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Two Bags

good news goodbye Republicans Rumsfeld let's hope the Democrats have some ideas big slow U-turn barely time for the world hilltop sunny valley rainy gray-bearded trudger slicker two bags which dominates more happiness than misery more hope than despair always arising ingenuity positive desire aesthetic polymorphous within beyond discomfort is only birth

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Whole Logs

creek flooding movie weather rain blown sideways whole logs drown picnic ground rushing taking fence land line down no email internet helpless disconnected no hurry resume whenever habit hardly serious we are subject to disruption car radio inoperative safer most expect continue unprepared surprise

Monday, November 06, 2006

Nothing Personal

putting people together Marya Remy dances Bicky Sage Hens ride good deeds accumulate ego free interest glad fun George Burtness president Lobero thriving David Asbell can I use their names nothing personal any of it count lines drawing scale reality supercedes imagined light bubbles float midair how do needed another special Leslie window only now I realize this weather better rain wind dark clouds writhing than bright steady sun

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Full Moon

wind roaring tall oaks thrash full moon clouds thin inky wet asphalt leaves black rain not exactly balmy crash lights flash sun rose potent bright morn hot pack sweater peach linen shirt enough pause runway savor day cloudless bounty pouring down north land slowly lost plunged fog murk darker descend blind sudden sight drops tear past we're down green gold home

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Real Goat

praise everyone rightly they are good fierce committed acting strong design impeccable cuing smart skilled stage direction Maurie master doing it now the audience could only be impressed moved amazed despite distracting woe woman second row center heart attack Paul helped her depart call paramedics then it flew magnificent second scene Leslie Bobby in the groove third Adam Tom revelations every time real goat bright praise Albee for a brilliant play

Friday, November 03, 2006

Wrong Food

remembering Richard Gilman visiting Vie Marianne Audrey spare change warrant Santa Cruz talk drink look art force nature wrong food inevitable decline enough when real years forget omission feet up cheese whisky preview audience laughs ovation appreciate how much we care

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Light Man

why is everybody filling me in on everything that has been happening in Santa Barbara because I used to be a journalist here and wanted to know everything now I am not and do not care good luck to all as for the play all I have to worry about is the lights not my problem distributing comps paying deciding this and that about the set props any of it great play great actors but I am not a critic anymore not judging or giving out prizes only the light man glad of it

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Work Day

oh tired but happy at last work day lights up connected focused cues made corrected tech actors happy too funny how hard we work for art self sake no one else can understand our cunning conviction craft and joy social engagements pale real estate talk dogs perfect food house view I fled back to work what I love to do

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Final Kiss

twenties there leaves wilt plummet here pancakes beach sun Dick wet then Jane dears remember Mother dead last agony reaching final kiss Alfred birthday schoolday sag nap no doing set build slow plan left Brad morning skipped Halloween "The Departed" bad enough potato leek soup Waldorf salad Cutty Sark and so to bed work hard tomorrow

Monday, October 30, 2006

Typical Calm

delay useful my plan matures set slowly materializes Maurie paces actors ever better practice moves throwing dragging sitting strange furniture handle props costumes inconspicuous exact morale high typical calm intense commitment

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Best Sushi

thwarted set behind techie Halloweens back Wed. director wills cue-to-cue Tue. lose cool breathe friends again whatever theatre a mess always thus and moreso day free I'd rather be at home read nap admire Bicky garden-to-be drum lesson best sushi Arigato Alfred's birthday 29

Night Body

poison dream panic trapped night body depants intransigent hater lover far north crushed heavy duvet perfect cell phlegmy no alternative real read write old words only toothache ears buzz stuffy unwell scientific phantasies may gradually recede extra hour darkness opposite of comfort

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Catch Up

flying unreal girl muffle climbed over me passed out aisle flurry attendants hadn't eaten baby squirms girls good perfectly beautiful car rental Bicky's new house old Santa Barbara cooked tilapia runthrough "The Goat" terrific actors committed Maurie's direction keen mature spatial imagery lighting challenge after all see it how to do it Alfred himself again fuzzy delightful talk love curves suddenly exhausted dip "Elective Affinities" grateful sleep dawn different sky sun strong warm confer light needs coffee cookies see Sylvia called beach walk swim naked south coast wander visit Paul white aerie recovering tender friends know all share sweet amusingly domestic lost twice driving home dark not up young party Halloween eyes falling out glad feet up catch up write this

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Don't Tell

packed hair cut watched "Belle de Jour" Bunuel so sly master of show don't tell small town politics mayor contestants know each other many years still fight no pay issues narrow personalities all seventh term versus new large breasts school bond dam threat development two-way streets question who will win

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Be Glad

here until gone until the dark energy dominates completely read Chaucer and the Iliad be glad foundation Egyptian art love from all directions near far time does not attenuate nor rhyme invalidate our pure affinities ineluctable elected

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Two Hands

errands make scripts buy djembe still there need Alfred teach show me play two hands vitamins consider kimono Bicky's birthday only printed drawn singing bowl sweet ring pleasing ear benevolent rehearsal watcher laughs encourages Julian said don't judge me easy learning personalities limitations cosmic time curves crossing now here dissolves in well-being bless illusion

Monday, October 23, 2006

Like Do

is routine good not really blurs unique each moment same spares constant choices like do if numb not notice

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Never Was

adventure hiking on our own six acres one end other outside the creek fence with the wild creatures deer beavers a horse there surprisingly unmistakable water rising play finished sweep shop tulips planted fine summer afternoon October dream never normal anymore never was we were misled learning late

Saturday, October 21, 2006

A Couple

little say few words everything adequate attention falls short of murmurous trivial vexation poof a project another year go further farther six dimensions aircraft hardware people time contrived reality playing work party time black white masks our art gang self-funding fun begins a couple fresh delight

Friday, October 20, 2006

My Dream

late play fly wait paint my dream trial passageway action placed to move seats sate mate leave early tack brunch ten cousins enough Pollock Sturgeon vox pop art may seem insensible to who say you

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Why Hurry

cup coffee piece pie his grandfather's four words loved America Lawson Inada perfect presentation exemplary warmth wisdom music charm appreciating Salem anywhere "West Side Story" thankless revisiting past what theatre now celebrate success fresh audience transported old opinions taste always less relevant O.K. me why hurry damage done war changed bad patterns late hope we'll be gone gift elder young

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Warm Water

make the calls balance duty pleasure provokes continuing activity thought emotion aesthetic shivers in the dark competency verified positive touch yearning enough body melody warm water cure anticipated disintegration

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Painting Dirt

specks of consciousness floating in a fragile film Bergman's "Marriage Scenes" Dennis painting dirt funny poems cast favored actors early gains pre- ferred germ-free sleep research pending progress here stay true regrets like walnuts wet fall grass last vines revised fences save chairs rising water

Monday, October 16, 2006

Every Day

love work sun water every day happiness requires engagement flow state view random history feel it creeping up what bliss these lines against my ruined shore running from the flood legs distracted tasks undone clear desk day check rainbow

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Rain Begins

rain begins blowing season change energy withdrawn after pancakes nothing much stay in keep quiet calmly reunite one eats watched read Mexico letters play Rameau Chinese pills against cold threat

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Sugar Cream

whose birthday yesterday's date rings today perfect friendliness lunch sunny Tuscan hilltop leaf change valleys sere two museums curries shoes eggs okra he brings home pizza puts it down on kitchen counter opens box eats a slice standing there she flees the children xeroxes money for them complaining I'm looking for K-mart Martha pillow drive around cheerfully home watch movie "Confusion of Genders" laugh out loud slice a banana sugar cream

Friday, October 13, 2006

Sweet Meaning

I wanted to be different but it turns out I'm just like everybody else we all are different strokes all that but equally experiencing animals trying find intelligible self existence make something lives love sweet meaning

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Original Work

swimming pool play sans pool how lame is that what expect no New York London not original work secondary "Take Me Out" was great sigh disappointed again learning how it all goes Jonathan Haidt "The Happiness Hypothesis" there Ovid my own ripe experience thanks clarity dare think new through worn grooves Uchida "Kreisleriana" sped drive home destroyed static antireflective coating helps vision fuzzing anyway cataracts see what see look enough more better

Opening Moves

mirror neurons explain sensitive blur confused opening moves if true contradicting circumstances prevent affinities express warm regard suspicious smiles hums distracting machinery welcome visitors deliver apple pie wine

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Stop Wait

dizzy dream addled brain malfunction weird email Amazon $2500 alone here cancel chiropractor gradually recover thank God self doesn't know stop wait all consolations philosophy writing reading music impossible outsmart mortal systems aging glitches shorts tubes leak cells go crazy something

Monday, October 09, 2006

Fair Product

hole day missed never closes gone too much alone it takes a group to do anything readers for writers etc. slowly one thing another easy move forward sideways Bach entertaining "Princess Bride" fair product rising early kiss farewell return go again my clock running plan formed by promise need foregone intention

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Less Gravity

old friends best food home made deer dark shadows waning moon eating sleeping emails linger live touch extends life awake longer days shorter nights less gravity

Friday, October 06, 2006

Life Novel

glib occurs being writer I have to write translate body language into words like love photos escape just being heartbeat fast breathing night dread dream fright enough Enough! meaning death tired traveling unlike home time exponential saw everyone did everything came back jive passing embraces neighbors defect my projects thunder down demanding all belief hours application wandering sensation waits repeats absorbs free off days doing aim historic life novel

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Change Again

rain in California Oregon sun ha ha culture vultures price out Ashland necessary sodium vapor night and over the pass into the fog it's my birthday never mind change again

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Dry Grass

dream of fame a cruel joke revolutionary looping learn later lessons youth mocked knowing better nothing else moving self past landscapes dry grass cattle sheep cloud new idea 18th century fun Dunsmuir best water earth

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Widening Arc

odd what sticks with one people books images art I remember everything I wish more widening arc unexplained phenomena grace arising meaning see sound bubbles light image moving still near far say

Monday, October 02, 2006

Hand Surgery

constructing day sudden blank without Diane cites unwellness after teaching hours yesterday Marianne meeting warm last night vegetarian thoughts about Johnny Swiss artist companion breakfast chez Steve publishing new Cino book offered resources George playwright I helped 82 Shannon tonight Remy tomorrow remember me Ben after hand surgery de Young "God of Hell" library look again for book I saw once there still doesn't exist I'll have to write it myself

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Merely Young

population double in my lifetime what are all these people to do productivity multiplied service revolving capital consumerized audio band like Burning Man disco babble Sunday barbecue around the pool outside my louvered room Phoenix Hotel in the Tenderloin only old person what are they good for merely young horny drinking blessings on their pleasures may they live love long enjoy wisdom

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Bad Stop

clouds heavily drape stunt mountains visibility first improved cool coming everything available dry dry dry dry the climate felt ahead blithely drive 75 some faster pass on curves casino horrible lunch bad stop haze thickens thins higher altitude head full words form chains letters remarks not about merely being Finlandia Mt. Shasta

Friday, September 29, 2006

Greater Joys

love vitality serenity all for dance sez Jimmy Waring plus for writing sincerity warmth an honest heart romantic suffers greater joys who loves gives all he can plays fair resolves no conflict with survival Japanese seasons more poetic adds conditions am I happy is this what resembles actual transforming love

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Call Rufus

a memory of optimism reborn call Rufus ten years ago dead always the present living now erase so called reality you can lose the story no one else was there anything I say is all now knowing better possible then still informs the vanished view

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Push Back

the planet is pressing on me I push back against it put my back to it in the sunlight under the walnut press feel it hold it down with knees and hands as I change position stand on it walk on it sit on it (through chair and floor) keep it in place against me

Monday, September 25, 2006

Moving Touch

hearing diction slurred even French remaking glasses cross your fingers haircut five years younger to myself no mirror eyes closed moving touch Adam Rapp moments one good short scene take me back to the Cherry Lane goodbye culture we'll be all right here in the country only another few years coal gasification kiss Earth goodbye

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Beyond Time

holding my own hand etc. always thus taste is absolute beyond time changes accept enlarge reinterpret greetings from life lessons shared personal centering identity project progress wishes final benevolence

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Paris on Ether

give me natural night climes in sheets of golden recovery where world beauties drive mild transitional interviews here we go bananas berries over dubbed fiction or fact without Edie nothing worse remembering Paris on ether

Friday, September 22, 2006

All Ages

made lunch Kelley soufflé tomatoes basil nasturtiums raspberries cream typed open loving letters correcting memory touch person cherish being drum circle grange all ages warmed my big Taos drum celebrate equinox

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Going Higher

report on Swiss walking Berlin craziness meet with Janie transfer secretary duties oil change editorial board pick candidate letters Italy Amsterdam poems Jackson's Paulann in Turkey Peter chemo villanelles lawn furniture in deer fence going higher horse washed conversation steak squash this is nothing in details texture meaning

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Happy Writing

relife more objectively pleasanter easier rainfall research good information drops patter skylights staying inside natural I can't go Boston Off-Off-Broadway do too far too exhausting thanks sorry I've promised Maurie light "The Goat" happy writing everything makes sense

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Deaf to the World

Lula da Silva of Brazil made a great speech to the UN General Assembly about what Brazil is doing to eliminate poverty and what the whole world could do if it devoted resources to that instead of, particularly, war. NPR broadcast a few minutes of it, but then nobody said anything about it. Instead the media misdirected its attention to Bush nattering on about his usual sorry themes, beefing about Iran's nuclear program, defending his mess in Iraq, wringing his hands about Darfur as if that miserable situation justifies his disregard for the United Nations. Is it unAmerican to listen to Kofi Annan? We are deaf to the world.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Everything Is Erotic

everything is erotic all images people movements winds and weather light vibrations colors sensations stirring music fabric fur skin dancing movies drinks food eating sleeping breathing everything time stars eternity thinking words speech silence

Sunday, September 17, 2006

No Alternative

gold for teeth zinc for prostate Jerry Lewis for mood disorders party to make you feel too old happiness history of mistakes further poetry publish books country poets creekside read duvet season mow the weeds welcome night no alternative

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Young Ideas

before board bored half resigned whim Andrew other lighters save Richard young ideas grate I'm elsewhere reconstructing ancient history 1965 so misty flickering brilliance everything was new we made up magic teachers opera boyish dreams an empty space our stage patterns forming project imagining first gestures word play music friends risk all inhabit fantasy glamor visions evidence

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Stay Here

Deborah L.A. tracking down dates see sincere earth aim human unity go there or stay here read Bills fight AIDS make plum jam bring out color barn bathroom floor clean first hard vision flood devastation spirit rises what else brave passage no other world

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Brown Rice

red and green lentils black beans short-grain brown rice brown rice flour yellow corn flour buckwheat flour organic quinoa quinoa flour 10-grain cereal granola sea salt baking powder (non-aluminum) curry powder muchi (hot) curry powder happy birthday

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Real Women

sleepy time no matter solitude real women children abandoned movie write all day song comes latest possible moment old pal permanent liking far far away like a splinter deep under skin

Monday, September 11, 2006

Rich Living

possible teamwork publishing helps think April deadline hometown work nothing else decided move makes wavering unnecessary finish this that send money reserve hotel keep writing thankful attention to give no dimming yet others cope bravely capable finally arrive where Horace was modern farmer urban edge appreciating seasons garden plain healthy food rich living time

Sunday, September 10, 2006

First Fire

delay gratification all formula go besides ether moon signalling time squeezes all receptors give rendezvous coordinates away Shepard Wenders characters in places real stuff slowly realized art political reality small town friends feast asters first fire

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Happy Man

off is adjustable said Hassan wittily she prayed one hand to a tapestry four men dancing singing moved in on her space we can only go along usual waning chores pleasures in harmony myself friendly admiring trees work remembering digging in philosophy how be happy man

Friday, September 08, 2006

Straight Story

city moment enough eat buy leave Irene play pick Mozart shop make granola dine write "Devil Prada" fun love Streep how good human McMahon "Happiness" helpful Socrates Aristotle distinct where our ideas come from simple blur not to not be understood my words refer no need explain straight story backwards go

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Between Games

amazing moment comes begin writing not watch movies or tennis well tennis between reading between games easy myself purple red slightly edgy then do it going continues house clean trash out raspberries picked mail delivered background moment arrives seize it

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Button Cry

imagine Sisyphus happy necessary trick Camus open anyone think it so light so be dark soon enough my button cry never hunger returns desire arises loneliness nipped before it wakes

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Wax Moon

how much I love this lucky life glockenspiel soundtrack done delightful year's pear chutney tomatoes potatoes raspberries projects book to write or not plays conversations chocolate good coffee love snuggles art summer lingering wax moon

Monday, September 04, 2006

Personal Quirks

holiday labor employer cleans house vacuum bag full corners never swept furniture moved moldings wiped we must talk devise permanent strategy read "The Goat" deft funny painful hated it at ART defensively respect what Albee does how extreme clean structured pointed personal quirks what else thoughts calls Mauresmo- Williams (S.) match Hewitt-Gasquet hip hurting yesterday's hang hard today crawl holiday kick-back O.K.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Ice Cream

not complain but my very educated mother just served us noodles reward lighting setup grind chocolate ice cream tennis watch time Terry brought Blaine ran board sharp will refocus maybe start book this week ready enough again rare competence

Saturday, September 02, 2006

No Excuses

celebrating her 70th don't talk about it anyone younger O.K. me I understand summer finale ready rain no excuses suggestions only unattached outcome dressage Devonwood dinner Nick's five courses too much we've learned

Friday, September 01, 2006

Day Off

nothing intended done day off too hot do anything computer turned itself off few hours free reading stage fright concrete poetry eyes dubious watering practice gay Poulenc measures curry beans drive Carol Lewis Clark Lora-Faye room campus Tensie flies mothers daughters

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Ginger Snaps

Agassi Baghdatis 23,000 fans screaming emotion 3 hours 45 limping home called went met resource talker drove consulted Norman melodrama lights still whaling after ginger snaps mane work college start first meeting editorial board Appeal something new attitude balance cool end August hot tomorrow

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

White Pants

Fair Trade certified Rainforest Alliance U.S. Open Silver Grille quality justice sustaining environment family love better refrigerated transcribe interview thinking swimming how tell story new college needs met plans developing twice bright will expressing whatever police white pants takeable books bed

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Entertaining Mom

Matthew Arnold sweetness light entertaining mom flight late big luggage no room car me Truffaut crossword a few stars no rain road then ginger snaps house waits more books library piling up Baxter "Shadow Play" tasty life itself novelistic dig research rather write

Monday, August 28, 2006

My Story

Spanish flows exchanged I called Anne having transcribed her dear recollections thinking again Johnny book my story what know accumulation others love him as much give honor respect after all my bourgeois tried everything followed yearning work took apart world beat down only survive triumph transcend leave blessing alive

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Our Times

art catalogue destroyed by anti-anthrax treatment must be smuggled into national archive our times who say not normal my art personal Frank O'Hara my philosopher not ideal all elements mobilized white pants what's this Indian shirt hot enjoyable Linda's cool potluck rambunctious theatre board go credit debit cards people no longer carry cash progress needs coherent projects nobody focuses oh well too old to fret let them do what they like I'm there to do my thing encourage everyone else

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Long Forgiven

temps perdu temps perdu mama I am over you how can good go past every afternoon at four regenerate the feeling lives on dream grasping long forgiven faults limits swallowed gasping this harmony melts resistance wakes desiring your sunlight rolling dimming doubled colors inside healthy eyes last knew what thinking

Friday, August 25, 2006

Fun People

party time Walter 60 weeks ago one for dinner then more more surprise! fun people food talk Louisa married Nathan Carolina early swim long distance lunch cars family cats J.J. cell phone bicycle town wander creekside post office movies disappoint sirens zucchini bread tree frogs

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Tell All

Joe on Medea who wrote not his voice would I know it everyone mysterious tell all still wonder still hope friends Rand Cooper on parenting late ailing remember beauty soul novel affinity poignant Shakespeare chez Caroline grandfatherly white forty-seven old enough schoolbus view wit retired seedlings big trees shadowing house

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Turn Away

fierceness called for not normal time how normal life here quiet fires crashes meth abuse desperate prosperity harvest ritual civic illness festival crowds turn away still neighborly crickets ordinary stars health love

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

My Life

Updike wins I love these people he leads through decades my life too what a writer Godard wry charming '61 before Chinese quirks characters thin Paris grey outside surviving oral hygiene researched bells cooked planted picked played finished

Monday, August 21, 2006

Live Again

dream daze paralyzed foam body rise will sink drift slow live again thus bless peace clouds Baghdad my joy can't justify their suffering true war passes but not for the dead baqiya ib hayatkum… akhir il ahzan… may this be the last of your sorrows

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Better French

"Caché" did I miss something no that's way is behavior moral truth elusive I'd better French civilized intelligence he's German when angry Julian wonder it's better own place lover five years he'll come Christmas help play need we've gone away last two stay home thrilled

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Fine Arts

not me not this another yielding poetry formally friendly Larry Sacharow gone before saved bacon new granola toasted less Laurel Hinrich coming pancakes blueberry time fine arts too many me yes day early fresh then hot society withdrawn space alternate air-dry not a word to anyone

Friday, August 18, 2006

Tree Poems

which day is this barely weekend I'm already furnace cleaning man Lexi laughs loves write Russian swimmers lighting filmmaking setup P.A. art festival park Andy vs. Andy animus party accepted not included type tree poems what does it mean to them why do they do it

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Snip Snip

floating free driving parking city country snip snip two tricky films "Glass Darkly" empty "Full Frontal" full both better than Godard's cryptointellectual "Praise Love" saying what resistance Soderbergh Hitler at least funny actor director the real joke vegetable dinner raspberries ripen peach

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Time Again

class matters compromise comprehension maids elite schools existentialism noblesse oblige moral rearmament what message now childhood traumas young adult left behind resurface later never do let go old folks more than ever see shape determined can't escape artificial isolation fools wise philosophers despite reason feelings out who we are time again my own children same different world

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Something Else

the dead no longer exist how death real to them? when I think of something I think of something else if the play writes itself then what? no more time touch hands feet wiggle behind you good feeling

Monday, August 14, 2006

Fresh Corn

coffee conversation music film history political sorrow swimming writing fresh corn tomatoes burgeoning garden loving friendly cozy house original writing makes me happy make stuff up

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Too Perfect

too perfect rolling up sunny 213 "Prairie Home Companion" music might bliss out right off the road too slow for younger drivers fast for me naked thoughts roaming picnic cabin woods Butte Creek after stupefying monologue beer champagne tequila steak grilled temperature taken good friends not necessarily as specified we agree about Bush Iraq have to watch what we say around here

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Big Words

dilemma solution narrative conundrum provisional surprise apparent necessity big words between brilliant exchanges Yvonne Rainer survives recovers makes films Lesbian feminist admits emotion formalism instinct our time stark youth

Friday, August 11, 2006

Cheap Shoes

cobbler sole cork worn thin heel ragged buy cheap shoes while he repairs them bare apartment good space extra room off kitchen left equipment need all new snowy Times Square deserted twosome threaten fall down others gather saved machining stainless steel clock strike my problem after everything possible eggless coincidence painting escapes words right poems friendly white feet

Thursday, August 10, 2006

America Now

all clove cigars are good yes yes revulsion great war butchery impotent logic tense colors excuse art predictable provocations useless facing state facing stateless terror bomb child swimming polishes floor rough mockery unthinkable America now

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Every Tree

intensely summer successive covers as night cools shorts sandals caftan sarong take dinner outdoors studio so hot afternoon my computer shuts down impossible imagine months gray wet sunless chill "Rabbit at Rest" sour disenchanted Updike details Edison's every tree New York Review more insight Bush fiasco good Lieberman lost say what can we do now halve defense budget turn another cheek

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Full Moon

no excuse retired permanent vacation chores glue angel arm continue cleaning shop move things water read Rainer disappointed suicide practice Fauré better entertain Laurel Hinrich company good concert Riga Russian Orthodox pretty Catholic church beautiful leader lunges dramatic full moon draws precedes us home

Monday, August 07, 2006

Dark Plumes

Dennis painting trains I want one whatever your fantasy it is yours easy find a reason not to do cross street subtle level changes matter cars passing wet tires city streets no cars rain city burning fields dark plumes attend illusion this memories India Kerala Kathakali matters not meaning reading tea stop reading drink tea resume attention concrete helps realize dinner art music fitness justice

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Tiny Trains

annual steam-up antique machinery land great Case tractors truck museum sawmill action dedicated volunteers careful team obsessive tinkering values lost invention we picknicked among tiny trains shade blessed eggs avocado artichoke hearts imagine our own wee railway not likely unless we were other people can't be clubbable folksy farmish neither credited academic hanger-out film star house-managed "Hound" teens heedless humored hard work good do something

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Our Town

join parade peace people numbers few rickety float candy content didn't stop women visiting gardening children heedless grown- ups blank looking friends military vehicles led dull green brown gun truck celebrate our town sweet innocence cruelly denied

Friday, August 04, 2006

Moral Crash

species grief species shame species fear I am the species who perpetrated that per Martin Amis moral crash worldwide moral equivalent of the great depression American "defense" budget over half trillion dollars more spent on weapons than rest of world together I am citizen of the democracy that perpetrates that citizen grief citizen shame citizen fear my own ways feed monster little people ride bicycles love summer music dancing drums light entertainment kisses what perpetrates suffering bliss boulders glacial remains

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Data Lives

what story web wallow driving swimming pure meditation vs. visiting either fine do go before youth shrill mind Chinese teens loud shrieks Japanese cities rushing quiet small town busyness news confusion who tells where data lives between weekends

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Best Years

dream sequences yes! "Ma & Pa Kettle" take New York yes! thanks Jean-Claude truckin' romance blooming stars aligned best years naturally assume life better lover loved another heart warms hearth bed connects flesh mortal mind still "me" richer soil

Monday, July 31, 2006

Perfect Scarves

three Russians talking hottub lively interest melodious flow old woman swims younger couple still talking what sustains exchange no end of problems talk taken regular heads polish positions we know nothing two French "Affair of Love" too sad his insecurity her existentialism so elegant her perfect scarves the red hotel Paris herself civilized service why don't I live there think French Armani suits I don't even speak it

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Wrong Amber

tech teen "Hound" charmed kids sincere acting limited intelligibility wrong amber tomorrow change gel replug reprogram my critical eye tries too hard perfection chocolate zucchini cake neighbor ailing normal passage context planet everyone never my fight solution actors politicals must they unbuild ordinary lives desires

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Systematic Waste

quiet alternation subtle stereo hiss house myself unhurried opportune confidence reorganizing principles depart shop execute orders return systematic waste obscures intent another extravagant leap instead choose home food avocados ripe legal reasoning rich dense absurd

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Different Time

losing subjunctive changes character who-whom lie-lay I-me hopeless blur despair continuing gerund replaced active punchy habits different time need occasion caring readers patient friends free minutes imagine growth

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Water Season

complaining instead go do it myself perfectly happier slow methodical nothing to explain I need interested apprentice how interest arise Alfred will come help me work school finals harmony emerges from the need to modulate both mower engines rebuilt grass sun brown hundreds mowing thousands never stop wild will exchange gases cats hisses water season

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

What Work

he is restless a person of energy and cunning artistic volte-face fortunes revived what work impatience censure children ventriloquism celestial detritus errands interpret explain nothing ruthless appetite exploit how dare you catalogue smiles silences define us all

Monday, July 24, 2006

Elegant Music

waiting for supper till the sun goes down reading Jean-Claude's "Light" Voltaire Emilie Frederick elegant music I like it very much thanks fan blowing directly on me hammock chair collecting intention need coach agent ambition discipline ready occasion set go

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Number One

blog al fresco first suggestion evening coolth Dennis can't come drive too bad he's too busy I have time Jean-Claude's men's workshop ran naked through woods past my past cabin one horse show drops another arises best tennis today Roddick Blake dramatic individual will take lesson though I'm not trying number one

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Only Weather

it's only weather yet reminds how limited one's tolerance customary comforts seeming vital oh refugees misfortune Iraq tragedy going on Israel bombing Lebanon hideous suffering Darfur Congo else- where Africa terror bombs Mumbai Bush itching attack Iran railway Lhasa workers exploited prisons flourishing schools shamefully starved we adapt if no alternative face all existence suffering

Friday, July 21, 2006

Whimsical Dreaming

unwell weak dizzy bloated farting throat raw coughing fearsome reading Patrick O'Brian "Richard Temple" torture German order collapsing memory complex aspirin saves night renewed 3 a.m. whimsical dreaming resumes furnace testers postpone slow low fleet Schumann too hot make chili iced tea anticipate recovery

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


advice to self do things laundry take down put up lights husbandry this my house life funk feeds on idleness out about art fair poets people meeting make scene happen rehearse young actors not myself I am acting

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Just Wait

one place or another equally delighted whatever happens just wait ill pain old failing this is easy then try be blithe everything works now here all is death follows

Monday, July 17, 2006

Tremendous Descent

who could build these roads now Chinese memorialize Nez Perce too late brake for deer lyrical western highway tremendous descent La Grande ineffable vegetation cattle scored slopes up down Snake hot windy picnic wheat fields disintegrating barns dying towns Palouse Falls brilliant nap grass bad coffee trashed landscape Sacajawea museum closed dust storm condo boom 100 outlaw shortcut saves morale motel swim read Rostand dine outdoors cheap good light walk beside Columbia people park birds fish turns

Only Now

wake thinking mountain shadow show tunes nuclear survival strange bed sweet sleep kiss best air bright luxury dubious arrival deserted cabins moulder museum family pastimes count road again muffin double latte wintering Indians rattlesnake cattails this corner wilderness property spec future mega we will not be here only now once warm skin touch rushing river

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Face Down

dreams are nothing hauntings myself Peter Schuman mask myself big chin Irene returns who you recognizes or accepts mystery computer word pile falling over struggling move sentence combination open cellar archive meet Alfred after lunch phone desk what number old peers rivals do together Billy Harry Ronny Rosalyn Rochelle seize me dark bed write still mind I can sleep face down on either side

Friday, July 14, 2006

Living Here

spies strolling small town back streets how different people live invisible inside sprinklers set houses businesses for sale or mowing driving dropping in at tavern friendly dogs interested carrying steak huge distances casually spanned barns losing siding skeletal roofs porous not quite falling down ranches losing land to sagebrush or prosperous hard work new house noxious weeds hurt forest motel flowers fragrant cutest grown from seed president pleased responds lonely cloud luminous day heat going soft mountain stillness visitors hurry through nothing like actual living here

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Real Emotion

"Pink Narcissus" thanks Donald remembered flamboyant trashy obsessive erotic art lively talk John peaceful bedroom dreams stories past enriches present real emotion echoes poets coffeehouse project readings Art Fair booth further News-Press meltdown stories Independent we are there shake our heads thanks "Tarnation" heart-breaking beauty

What Can Be

That lady, like Balenciaga himself, was apt to be hostile to the mood of disaffection that became glamorous when a new generation embraced the louche, the epicene, and the plebeian. (Judith Thurman, New Yorker) wildflower garden matted blooming falling over weeding clearing quickly wears me out no keeping up louche epicene plebeian describes my friends then if not now those closest liveliest sharp spice dreams reliving Yvonne Rainer growing up fascinated her dances essential mine awakening vistas what can be

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Oil Change

inner world devoid formal logic millennial expectations thanks Gore wake up do something more thrill images ice crumbling sea oil change chamber music haircut Rocketboom without Amanda last days busy still being born

Monday, July 10, 2006

Energy Rules

Apple keeps track who reads code for everything reinvents language forms inaccessible assumptions this way works another crashes burns loses data this real now came before not again underlying way matterless energy rules

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Wax Beans

Both subhuman and superhuman, bestial and divine, Grendel mirrors modern man, completely self-conscious, trapped in his own history, seeking the possibilities of optimism and redemption. (Julie Taymor) fun with friends under walnut with cats cooling breezes champagne pinot gris chicken wax beans salad berries picked sweating in sun we walked along creek riparian woodland growing leave early bedtime after breakfast at Wimbeldon anticipate Mexico finally holding own

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Great Art

putting up postcards great art I have seen everywhere Italy avoid crucifixions makes life beautiful meaning how home farm all that out there what remember

Friday, July 07, 2006

Prime Rib

later after First Friday $8.95 prime rib dinner Wolf Building reopening art and commerce another scene midday no perfect but this things are going to get worse no stop world fools try see clear mistakes new forest uneaten

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Good Will

Everything is interesting! Pray go and sit on the eggs you have been entrusted with! (Rostand, "Chantecler") Lorraine Hunt Lieberson velvet Händel our music mostly recorded I stumble through Schumann Bach love doing it anyway no one listens just as well after dinner duets again fun together expressing tenderness Beethoven fire wit close synchronize share good will

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

True Blue

small town fireworks we sat in a nearby field admired sparkles colors blooming toward eyes falling fading watched everyone possible sync I love my country true blue American despite this nation's blunders craven bully power-bad sneaky greedy violent and hardly the worst holding breath in fear what will they do next

Monday, July 03, 2006

Our Way

who appreciates my efforts domestic contract fair partner washing windows sweep garage suburban husband who I am well loved loving each distinct ideas control go each our way appreciate respect other times barely comprehensible so what

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Day of Rest

snuggle pancakes Bach Times Art seeking rocks pick peas water trees drift find Hinrich's music read Schumann cheese sandwich dream coffee drift Bob Patrick video honor dead memories supper move hose pick blueberries shop sweep garage Bicky phone day of rest

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Just Us

Lora Edward gone just us again plus Phoebe Ginger Tom Chinita Annie Mercedes regulars Traci Faustino Claudia Rollyn Lexi Judy Jim horse chiropractor I am true believer now need no resistance remain myself three-dimension pivot spinal flex remake hors de genre family love

Cool Air

lucid apprehension whither whence for that matter who why bright summer light exposes emptiness of forms cool air arms illusory stability what is moving slowly seems still this world will not survive me momentarily safe pandemonium follows

Friday, June 30, 2006

Common Tongue

Wescott's fabulous friends Maugham Porter family intimates relish sparking intelligent sensibility why so isolated my coterie blown apart by sixties history never member anything though I always wanted club lonely exile opposite collective misery ruling Congo Iraq Sudan Americans dashed exemplary happiness uncommon comfort New Yorker New York Review keep up dream wake synthesize common tongue

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Calm Day

girls in form-fitting black pussycat costumes sporting red feather boas rush on with brooms congratulate ourselves glockenspiel progress calm day Columbia mouth smashing waves civilized beings home before dark moon sliver gleaming glow blush drawn out sweet summer

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Comic Possibilities

If language falsifies, we nevertheless indulge in its consolations and comic possibilities. (Tim Parks) best artist of the 20th century Picasso best writer Beckett finished "Rabbit Is Rich" satisfied gave "On the Black Hill" to Lora Japanese garden Pittock Mansion talked newspapers with Edward long drive home five o'clock traffic steak cherries Google Earth Queen of the Night "We have a flower!"

Monday, June 26, 2006

White Hairs

difficult Mozart entertaining Beethoven white hairs picnicking Reed campus lawn women wheelchairs little boy squinting who needs it so loud high-powered this modern professional market quality difficult board decision is it me who thinks this is against the rules or who we would take care of our own lovingly generous the money is there corporate considerations make me stingy strict break loose of this arbitrary difficult thinking feeling passing on remember George Obern special friend humorous warm gone on ahead best of partners detailed constant relished adventure

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Quiet Music

glimpses of what our lives have lost not good enough world burning up Rogoff so dire on Brook our situation desperate indeed history unraveling meanwhile we are having a heat wave stunned indifferent go slow do less my calling private being quiet music powerless accident genes nurture time

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Suddenly Summer

Rose Jean brought best Alaska salmon Hinrich made feast sleepy afterwards drove safely home clear warm night clock winding day play finished itself Carol risking read fireworks popping "Days of Heaven" dear ones arriving windows washed silver polished up harpsichord tuned trees lawn watered against record heat suddenly summer

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Heroic Ideals

Guy Jackson writes from London: I've been kicking in the back doors of agents and publishers and producers, 'Let me into the lit world, you bastards!' I shout, and gotta get back to that, such a dumb struggle but for the love of art what else is there to do?
 take off shoes air toes lean back refocus eyes far vistas aid receptors let back relax work less stripping floors a no-no Andrew makes choices Richard pursues his art heroic ideals Linda too keeps showing up doing thing Norman faithful ambitious Nancy mows even I commit to future embrace theatrical folly initiative arises despite judgment knows better

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Two Beds One

summer sprinklers cloud puffs drifting longest day least hurry weed together unto dusk improve front flower patch fresh bedding guest room parentally luxurious two beds one welcome our offspring best meaning pure reward "White" Kieslowski "Red" exquisite artistry every moment shot pleasing subtle arranged like greatest music my own poor invention grudging extrudes unvalued vague mature alive like dream exhausts analysis

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Nothing Better

the historic plight now (Wescott): "the extreme stupidity as to public morality and government, balanced against the extreme intelligence of inventors and manufacturers" now was 1945 what worse no change dinner late stirred up machinery breaking down we serve service nothing better globular blotches I was ten only summers memory heaven lake buzz nose peeling wonder still alive kicking denial

Monday, June 19, 2006

Extra Sheets

eyes ears teeth hips glands organs locus fear know they'll get me if not some sneak arbitrary crossing line fuse blew car radio off easy this time write tomorrow easy let days slide doing trip planning future sleeping stew fighting futile subtle harmony cull extra sheets only so many beds

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Two Jobs

what enviable being father know offspring existing selves manifest continuity ars breva love eternal joy Kory three months baby squeezes my finger smiles mouths lapel being father happier working two jobs doing other things thinking there they are unforeseen possibilities unfolding far makes here now credible

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Too Much

dream accompany Hinrich beautifully yoga laundry breakfast read shower coffee email Daniel Marya recycling write two pages mow front side yard lunch read nap pack dress lock up drive coast check in dine Blackfish walk love concert Purcell Pergolesi Bermel Mendelssohn Mozart too much Times puzzle one fell swoop

Friday, June 16, 2006

Swim Day

play keeps coming amazes me may work Bloomsday swim day postprandial nap Hinrich here work glockenspiel musics alarming end livelihood long luxury free walk wind creekside trees grow uneaten Carol tractor moving manure I mow lawn read Wescott half hammock remember ART avoid corner seats impatient with "Housekeeping" exaggerated brilliance

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Second Law

drive around airport sprawl imagine life outside these little patterns inside others beside mighty river with a boat what would we do hang out who's there no blond children squirm pink green gray stripes brown no velour recliner hobby fuss relatives descend into world of all the same motel room floating individual subject second law

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Serious Uglies

Netflix works interlocking systems mature films arrive "Mysterious Skin" true painful cunning structure impressed rewarded learn something play "Beat Heart Skipped" French real estate thug would be pianist touching silliness grows up limits revenge repelled serious uglies more wait follow coffee John swim talk Mark Waren Cino memory dims diverts my fresh imagine

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Pulling Thistles

Mr. Reliable returns microphones promptly he knows my name heart warms incoherently strawberries cherries first raspberries blueberries reward weeding Tom crawls through fence interferes I am crawling gloved I stand pulling thistles grass long roots runners easily from deep wood shavings practice Schumann read recover sit at my computer unexpected things happen slowly takes all day

Monday, June 12, 2006

Home Free

night friend again weightless magic foam dream Living Theatre Judith Malina eighty my arm extending more weak but painless day consumed errands aquatics city lunch necessary nap no time for play immersion snow peas pasta salad we record nuns sing compline prayers glockenspiel Hinrich has program fix crackles tomorrow home free

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Three Hours

full moon rise hospital hill three hours after Brooklyn all time love blooming wildly empty fills completely enough care chamber music gems Cascade Head fest trusty thrill Purcell L. Couperin Bolcom Mendelssohn Federer missing Nadal wins Rabbit redeemed lame magic more play oozes out inspiration unrequired

Friday, June 09, 2006

Best Writing

this play wants to be written I have plenty of stuff to say dare fiction made up people talk feel express behave act expand my own limited life skimming "Rabbit Redux" I don't care relive that painful confusion he must harangue outrageous this best writing only interested parents wife

Thursday, June 08, 2006

They Live

sky light till ten air sweet with flowers my favorite time of year drawn out into the gloaming admire waxing moon bright star home alone again start writing new play idea enough last night car define place people situation bring them on they talk they live

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Soon Gone

day night departure attenuated waiting swam again thank sauna physical ground some aches restraint hammering bolts magic show signs almost normal again words for Michael Harris memorializing dad I sent made glockenspiel timeline long carved figures mechanical whirl watering tutorial free time soon gone

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Setting Sun

reading rest "Rabbits" never did best books best goes down easy plenty rueful truths splint straps off shower free tight bad smell solid waste pools full ready go warm days monks chant prayer sweet feminine falling phrase lighter Europe heavy assumptions house flowers catch light color queen of the night shoot thwarted ceiling setting sun

Monday, June 05, 2006

Time Off

countdown to something idea out there nothing between strawberries and a nap repair small engines suburban lifestyle chanting salve regina pounding drums creaking wagon wheels barking children writing talking wanting not to go away engaging instrumental mind emotion reserved movies poems tender music unexpected associations controverted time off same happy sad distractable

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Pitch In

don't complain pitch in weed mulch fruit trees get strong do more you can only coast downhill hard reawake interest Caffè Cino and all that memoir Coffeehouse Chronicles summed it up but I'll try Mark Warren's movie one more time never my ideal young paranoid great love lost later realer central children deep connection harmony comfort sweet homes music writing summing digging weary sooner longer sex pacific fancy calls for effort will work for art

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Blue Ribbons

The act of presence can be learned. All of creativity, especially performance in life and art, is about sending one's inner energy in the right direction. We are energetic beings and it behooves us to learn how to move that energy around. (Jean-Claude van Itallie) read through "Kreisleriana" Schumann mysterious beauty love madness total breakdown weird story write play about Schumann and Clara and Brahms surprise party John 40 choice crowd locally hip my guacamole debate better lose mind before body oldest left first Carol blue ribbons slept in truck

Friday, June 02, 2006

Fish Salad

motion solo impressions fish salad "Tsotsi" dramatic dreaming play ideas emotional saturation tennis webpix errands here and Portland silly movie serious play Sanchez "Clean" strong acting came out fireworks Sibelius Five drive home eyes tired ears ringing reading Coetzee "Slow Man" good

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Brave Boys

America lost within my lifetime nothing doing tennis irrelevant brave boys challenge scrutiny hope betrays false assumptions ever better old thirty laughable trajectory greater woes belied I was the optimist smiling sure all working out for the best if desperately unhappy work relations wrack broke through what do reprieve late waste no more time America needs help

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Boring Realism

As a rule, a given man or woman's life is like a work of fiction that does not end when it should; thousands of pages of boring realism follow. Whatever mystical idea and meaningful pain and dramatic action there may be all occurs in a month or a year or so, immediately digging a rut, setting up a treadmill; thenceforth the hero must plod and reiterate and deteriorate, oh, how slowly! (Glenway Wescott)

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Perfect Crust

blur gristle throbbing lassitude immovable arms legs torso thrown sofa Kronos Evans beauty comfort cling to me reach to pare cheese imbibe syrah my new zinfandel snow peas personal omelet ride run movie calendar French Open Andy ankle feel precise pain Vi apple pie neighbor perfect crust

Monday, May 29, 2006

My People

"Weatherman" quality cheese "White Countess" novelistic unconvincing "No Country Old Men" shootemup brooder anniversary sup Silver Grille worth wait weird menu naive service best company conversation celebration fourteen years wake first light these days holiday clear road Portland airport calm meet John back early Japan long flight easy drive sun after days rain mowed grass long mower gasping no work read Glenway Wescott journals enjoyable my people

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Deep Thinking

all for ourselves is not enough too many flowers not to share who will stay together justify bright deep thinking chaos years above heads no one reason rises music art only persons touch meaning pain play it with your nose ring spheres separate counts out

Family House

long-fiber soap apple lozenge fountain pen batten can-washing career diplomat rudder chain pre-exact zinc etching eagle thunder-fraught side brake ortolan barrel helm celery family house flag half-broken twice-engaged reenforcement burying place soul-damning plunger pump twice-violated back-spiker quasi-animal Sargent palm film lawn billiards plume-decked sputum cup

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Horse Manure

faults and virtues always the same drone sustaining nothing better drive rain Portland chill symphony Dvorak Fauré Mahler dry pavement governors cup Hass harpsichord I couldn't play small room fond friends O.K. try harder Faustino wheeling horse manure artichokes on boil

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Left Behind

surgical reprieve breathe stop cough rhythm key Fournier Bach Mares build stone wall one stone time resuming blended style both choose flawless New York give up all this regular day part fabric old town drives our road looking land changes ideal isolation left behind tracing dream real season expressing flow creek state improving

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Fading Light

where joy being alive Roth Bach hammering broken stable door can't do anything big right arm stoic notice bind then forget cough walk stiff wet dizzy off on pull weeds talk crazy to cat age fact Fleming writes wild too more fire constrained middle way past perfectable illusion gone smooth beauty countable wishes city pleasures reputation fading light America gone wrong

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Good Intentions

writing fiction necessitates changing reality sez Windham gnawing betrayals interesting if true laughing Sabbath's anti-Jap diatribe forget troubles glimpse joy exuberant word play rain sun where rainbow when I need it bad haircut sides tight top spiked it grows rural good intentions don't expect style

Monday, May 22, 2006

My Delight

Santa Barbara Independent Theatre Awards my small-town Obies still going after 13 years today I won one for lighting "Blue Heart" last fall also Maurie for directing Tal Anne revolving set flashy colors cues tweaked quick polished I am gratified happy appreciated lighting my delight

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Sing Love

fragilely back reading Roth "Sabbath's Theater" hardly comforting watching Robert Patrick "Coffeehouse Chronicle" touching heroic right thumb sudden sore what next wind brings rain listening Peteris Vasks "Message" sweet cor anglais Donald Windham "Lost Friendships" Truman Tennessee sad Times nothing new sing love black irises calla lilies sweet recovery

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Bright Pink

women more stoic Carol says wait it out anniversary raincheck barely functioning company helps plan new play next winter then droop cheered peonies bright pink

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Good Movie

hammock rightly hung floats me almost as softly as water I miss my swims like having every day free "The Sea" Banville writes magic word joy subject too close aging body lost love how redeem fate ironic beauty understanding late friends decrepit left behind sick irreversible goodbye good movie

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Large Leaps

being old is not being able to carry heavy stuff around especially now maybe I could but I would rather not able dig climb up and hammer build things run shows do it be a factor part solution play piano much better masterpiece my life lovemaking sensibility tuned fine large leaps explained in few words "Snow" good slow falling sleep wake night void appalling circularity like stupid summer seventy habits holding healing free

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Real Pill

write means actually write not just this caught flying formed sent forth I mean structure story people situations relate something sell deliver smart entertain stupid enough not trying hard enough afraid clear ambitious say what believe my way existential critique real pill known exposed ashamed inadequate no no not me do anything choose art sex practicalities exact and scrupulous capability brown extinct obstacle who doubts another twenty or thirty years

So Fast

Julian searching solutions personal world survival his competence valued generous melancholic introvert specially connected stimulant resonant play share social mind right here best everyday warm fabric how pretty our house garden land so fast third summer astounding irises peonies roses bloom bad happens beauty thrust heaven

Vast Space

I believe we're driven by feelings, and ideas are just rationalizations of those feelings. It all comes from our libido and our sense of our inadequacy. (Conor MacPherson) not so inadequate not so exposed no audience producers press clamor everything finished time reopens wake five sun day vast space for art travel here clear decide imagine people situations take chance care

Monday, May 15, 2006

Dogs Everywhere

pinch us from our dream of solitude beyond flesh in thought made flesh and the blood of birth brutal love that reaches across the sacred moat we stand in this room so confident in our untouchability we are all a river of blood we are each the eddies and flows of this river this blood I reflect and pull from my reflection an image of you pinched from my dream of solitude beyond flesh shame pride all made flesh in your kindness I am invaded my machine gun says I love you in the same language that your machine gun says I love you sitting by a warm fire with dogs everywhere the cold shadowy piñon and juniper trees stretch out endlessly beneath an almost full moon a highway dotted line of fast-moving bubbles of warmth too far away to hear I think of you in the freezing spray of little waterfalls making little sculptures in the slow song of tree standing up to slow and jagged winds in the raised hand of smoke above this home grace and beauty resisting emptiness (Julian Bach Smith)

Heat Wave

persistence his genius Caroline Knox poems new miseries looming sublime Bach pancakes dismantle greenhouse zone surprise heat wave error hammock revenge comfortable two talking watering evening falling peace perfected suspense inform life unfold more chores favors done gone

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Like This

dream walk streets home through slush first winter foresee months like this feel screwy pleasure prospect almost enjoy cold water shoe think Johnny back Europe call him eager shiny cellphone his number what just now talking to him all the time doing play no he is dead gone years ashes absorbed Mother Ganges thanks Fleming

Friday, May 12, 2006

Differing Speeds

we have not heard from violet in months her love josh precious hoping all is well yearn further revelation deep sincere real buttcrack falls deep flurry decay new leaf falls behind falls follow differing speeds strong enough pictures perfect afternoon concert architecture evening transpires Mozart Handel Beethoven Wicks my new community easy together learning trust

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Yellow Irises

acres big jumbled crowded together new houses ruin beautiful valley who are they for Californians retiring cashing in another development hidden hills fancier we bought old house added on improving funky farm my liberal values humane traditions ever overwhelmed prime past I know what's right release responsibility what enviable fatherhood Julian rewards Carol places yellow irises dining sunlight normal illness after fright

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Being Free

needles all over thanks Lorin hope helps still fear the night good news from Maurie cheering Bicky buying style view Julian here then Taos mowed our grass loves being free breathing dubious cottonwood floating mild spring air

Timely Departure

ghastly night a simple cold combined immobile shoulder overwhelms my will to live seventy is long enough I've done enough remember Dad trapped nightmare nights Mother just shoot me mind body gone lived ninety why timely departure unprepared practical questions love pact serious pleasures tarnished leave no later to be sorry

Monday, May 08, 2006

Just Ask

ailments of others often annoying my own more amusing provoking unpleasant feelings dark thoughts life gone wrong inescapable misery like that thank heavens drugs and someday over hardly serious a life distraction vital what person story make soup movie music swells to unheard climax remote irrelevant start keep writing friends far love close anything possible just ask

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Modern Comforts

harness holds my shoulder back bone will heal I hope straight bruises under skin internal mashup hurts less than think conversation birdsong flowers better news enfeebled vulnerable even swaddled modern comforts food no worries mortality no problem unable accurately anticipate know present tip of the real probing possibility

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Moving Forward

weary after intense setup incapacitated helped crew lighting novices son husband playwright actor generous worked hard all day looks fine my mission new lights Brush Creek fulfilled reading Ngaio Marsh expertise some comfort long night another age her theatre had call boys embedded culture ours is DIY terrible world cruel stupid wholesale yet we are often ecstatic Fleming phoned from Varanasi putting Johnny's ashes Ganges today 11 hours earlier he said we are good resolution Julian coming Tuesday warm heart head moving forward unknown

Friday, May 05, 2006

Now Later

routine so rudely interrupted I drift through day see what I do read more write thought glimmers intention fantasies now later refreshing how easily might end will not willed arising

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Left Hand

Leighton Kerner longtime music lover writer theme development coda silence fell out of hammock banged head broke clavicle (broken at my birth) picked myself up dressed drove Dr. Anderson shock hit sudden woozy blood pressure high pale dilated waxy hot lay bright table blur splinted four six weeks Carol away horse show called John just here lunch imagined something still too dizzy walk wheeled me out into glorious spring day better no fluorescents across street emergency room chilly parody forms CT scan brain normal thank God walked back took chair back drove home John following on scooter bummer typing left hand

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

All Right

So it is not necessary to always stick to the rules. What is important is to extend your way of life deeper and wider. To have a beautiful ceramic bowl is not necessary when you are ready to appreciate things. Whatever it is, things will encourage your practice. If you can enjoy your life in its true sense, then even if you injure your body, it is all right. Even if you die, it is all right. When you are encouraged by everything, and you realize everything is always helping you, then there is no difference whether you are dead or alive. (Shunryu Suzuki Roshi)

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Expert Repair

hands tools in my mouth machine whining older I mind it less luckily it comes oftener expert repair elsewise heal nourish myself balance cash deposit gains tally wine given John diligent bacchic moderation quails who secret thinking wants enjoys reward

Monday, May 01, 2006

Easy Lope

mad scramble easy lope the poetry festival ends whew I made it and the very next day I am watching a rehearsal designing lights for another play starting a magazine planning a harpsichord recital not even pushing another book another play trips children days full moments near dizzy energy falters but does not fail remember balance sit read write whirling world

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Project Success

too many poets too briefly one way humbled their crafted focus voices intensity like passing blowtorches what was that who are you can we sit down talk expand festival form know one poet what we all assume feast exceeds my appetite producer fatigue no measure project success

Friday, April 28, 2006

New People

bought master mattress maple mowed no think glockenspiel meeting Mt. Angel new people wine pizza small prayer good broke tooth slipped away dentist dream night pool skipped crunches spacy ready poets fifteen dinner ham oven fixings out

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Vital Expression

farmer poems soldier poems Gertrude Stein poems let people express feelings thoughts expression as vital as impressions otherwise blocked alone flat world empty of meanings so I am glad to do poetry festival errands chores drive around keep books write talk meet interesting people this modest world no simpler inside family elements seasons

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Fluff Balls

Jane Jacobs my kind of life exposed dishonest mask of pretended order lifelong war on dandelions no way win poisoned they frantically make seeds even as leaves shrivel white fluff balls rise above lengthening grass or twist groundward Dad had me dig them from the lawn special tool deep root weedmaster only encourages them I prowl lean down grab seed heads stuff plastic bag hold back hordes

Monday, April 24, 2006

Too Fast

not content to be a plain glum man decrepit car nor smug consumer keeping young GTI nifty leather sift passing time through sensitive fingers thinking crystallize bright spring sun quiet town bustle of cars country road too fast write toward water recoils first contact even warm ground static buildup discharge ions feeling flow conductive pool same exertions every time I practice neutral buoyance floating mantra turning imagined compass man

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Not Scared

husband lost a cornfield creamery closed we're meat and potatoes people so blue cheese people city way back not always tulips attract sunlight fence deflects deer love them too my Christmas present wine glasses held high round structural stems I barely bear to pick them bring spring inside rooms just a few bright bursts outside they close at night cut stay open offer deep interior markings over only when petals fall still enjoy until after action reports Melaney's father Germany Virginia grew up dairy farm Jeremy baby these not scared poetry

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Heart Mind

Andrew acting lively board Shawn hanging light pipes not want hear me why not care nonprofits all day totally distracted usual self interest others community exchange favorite poem Marlowe shepherd mistress surprise emotion rose over gladly shared workshop Inada playful joyful brought out each own facts feelings take chances write dinner Ginger's look Shull paintings DeFrees tells Berryman picked on her weeping nun introduce them reading Abbey full house embracing heart mind quiet above world

Friday, April 21, 2006

Still Flesh

burning thigh skin almost pain not mine is Parfit changing me idea not just body nothing else who drives up mountain walks green afternoon smokes imagines "Hamlet" jumping teens in comes inspiration challenge hot Fleming shakes my tame thinking follow yellow lights gently dipping land lines history section still flesh

Thursday, April 20, 2006

What Lion

what happens must be possible can you walk home are you safe anywhere what lion eyeing you my identity tooth chipped long French fork Burgundy lunch that it happened my memory trivial she leaves less resonant realness grant applications Julian's beans kill weeds poetry practically here

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Come Back

anticipation road deli dancing together syllables falling over spontaneous beat quickly think what former thought form how to read my blog written daily read it weekly pick a day say Saturday ten at a time about right dear Blogger shows them let me know front door squeaks dryer sunlight we're off another last night date untrammeled ease come back anytime again and again

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Counting Poets

counting poets our trees double year choose tulips irises enough daffodils barn driveway pull thistles grass fast haircut tomorrow we shine brighter later if Bach piano faster iron sheet edge Fleming poem fun Ginger Mahler

Monday, April 17, 2006

Waiting Wings

all is revealed chance taken what I wanted always why else words but their meanings anxious exposure private speech in public snap-back scratching unspoken truth not everyone existential impulse what live for meaning light revelation pattern coded do you read me is this clear if not I am fooled if so reality enforcement waiting wings

Like Butter

It may be the thought that this particular thought, even if exactly similar to other thoughts that are thought, is still this particular thought—or this particular thinking of this thought. (Derek Parfit) With a brain like yours, you could probably cut through that curriculum like butter. (Christopher Wicks) Being in the theatre is like living in an eternal present, the way they say dogs live in an eternal present. (John Guare) That's how you stay alive as a writer, by actively not repeating yourself.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Easter Morning

what I'm saying is there's a life beyond this and these things are not the most important Muriel Spark her own category Florence 88 and then I came upon the sea wide, dark orange, serene the palest blue where people stood in awe gazing at the wide horizon and sat upon the grassy banks as ships plied forth the Rio Plata on errands to the far unseen (Daniel Potter) my website published

Saturday, April 15, 2006


the place of happiness in a political world my subject always what else really matters Art is truth, or as close to it as we can get, and the truth of the man is in the work. (Ada Louise Huxtable)

Friday, April 14, 2006

All Pattern

no solution no problem no answer all pattern leaves push out green wood rain mist cool raga theatre switched off dark heater warms chill hands friendliest sensors gliding on the slick

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Diving Deep

structural revolution in rural areas required save India tension between love and hate keeps generating boredom John talks drinks wine we argue about poetry drives me nuts reporter taking notes ridiculous things being said tulips peak lilacs rhodies starting pear blossoms galore dandelions attacked mowing season weeds bugs deer is this diving deep for meaning is it all emotion is it Pound age Mt. Angel College are we serious not really

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

First Time

Allan Kaprow no longer happening experience anything art existential power sex with god can I be sincere I am sincere despite ironies conscious distance first time open mouthed thought retreats gasping ache dry apricots nourish gentle wisdom patient appreciation pure line prominent curve loud color ringing note Flaubert somnambulist nonstop sex

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Not Enough

Doing is not enough; being is not enough; knowing is far from enough. So we clump around, putting feet on the dazzle floor, awaiting the real schedule by celebrating the dazzle schedule. (William Stafford) First the impulse (a word or phrase arrived unbidden) then the wondering (the state of being lost) and finally, the making or understanding of meaning, and the delight when it comes together. (Susan Juve-Hu Bucharest)

Monday, April 10, 2006

My Dinner

I was a reasonable and polite child, if not one thoroughly conscious of her own model-childness. I am the kind of person who wanting to be good imagines my own good choices moral imagining I am the kind of person who defines the good everyone like me better world what we talk about torture shame Bush allows rationale leave Iraq ungrateful DeLay damage politics Democrats immigration dilemma Republicans win defeat Americans not poor enough pick my dinner Carol fasting

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Civic Duties

there now the weekend gone not regretted civic duties private pleasures sunshine rain whether accomplishing anything matters wheels roll spin juices flow nothing stays home knitting thinking guillotine passages cataracts tintinnitus stews ejaculations cool fingers yellow red tulips deer fence box office attention due festival publicity link my pages wireless virtual magic spell

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Hold Still

writing blog as a way of painting pictures different words different colors I see them walking sudden sunlight singing heart out blue green soft shades light red hold still don't dance failing hips worry face fate blossom sequential treats deep console strokes dictated what came before ideas new impressions time from nothing this

Going Mad

I used to think that going mad began with accidents and led to the unknown edge of ruin. Now I'm clear it can be fun to watch the pieces fly together not apart, to dance with them and now they are beginning to tango: Open to magic in accidents with unexpected information Dancing with spirits Drunk without drinking Wise without judging In love with the moment (Daniel Potter)

Friday, April 07, 2006

Free Expression

worldless after word people seeding poetry ACLU video appalling governing humanists minds like free expression generous hearts pass out posters flyers Powell's my book I am no big doer leader do one little more personal meaning secret intimate private in tension phones cut off computers down love natural works poignant stab transcendance

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Only Imagine

brain parts conspire memory constructed dream reality confusingly virtual did I hear do that only imagine Sibelius meeting Kelley Ginger Molly we are festival staff Steve Salem film friendly coffee Jerry never called Carol showing Albany balance horses human love no reason home alone nap mow grass take out trash drive Trader Joe's Elini's Sellwood dinner bar outrageously delicious liked eccentric Triffle comedy sped home

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Soon Alone

8:20 stars shyly emerge as daylight gradually withdraws they were always there plain disregarded light shows ease kindness skilled goodness gladness safety Dan now Argentina nearly shot Brazil thrill painting people who anything body buoyant flat face up warmly held breath wet images blurred learning relish together soon alone

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Creative Transformation

Jackie McLean jazz junk connection creative transformation past nostalgia help children remake world glory play form content body living conscience waking defeat depression Gavin Lambert "Mainly Lindsay Anderson" read five months sad stark realist lucky me equally defeated but love blessed mellow no work bitter never so bright saving daylight

Monday, April 03, 2006

More Children

stolen moments lost images forgotten intimacies who said did I say to describe known nay shared religious conservatives have more children thus they will win fated fading swamped even wrong before may determine after quantum dislocation radical blood custom property hidden alliances

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Love Express

interaction Dan Potter lets me feel goodness brotherhood modest ego art devotion practice love express the people with money make the choices no things but nameless no names but thingless one made new errands for art "Man All Seasons" drawing crowds Kelley sews girl four steps three countries going what could I do that they would like senior farmer faces wives want serious mainstream sense

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Lies Ascendant

polishing pages Carol moving hay fences thinking about Iraq worse than imagine completely disrupted wreckage torture death no upside offhand lies ascendant necessary vengeance how much left lose Times failure isolated comfort distance politics power good coopted evil conmen shameless sincerity sacrified for naught bedrock virtue trashed bad substitute

Friday, March 31, 2006

Small Town

slow motion drugstore calm down Michael feels too good to stand there holding poppy as if this vapid stasis is life small town reality enhanced well-being too few actors Kelley Ginger Molly Christopher me Stephen has to leave stay here happy build seasonal greenhouse two loads gravel change sky air elements float level picnic furniture

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Spring Days

no central authority deep shared circular investedness nightmare Baghdad overwhelming sorrow pain waste spring days late accomplishing preplanned task satisfying love islands of happiness mean what how coexist awake numb compartmented oceans away cheer budding lilac opening night

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

News Brief

dream getting Alzheimer's walk out with child downhill through park run diagonal long descending rectangle through grass child barefoot stone stairs twinkling feet pure after picnic I am lost zoo laboratory don't ask me where I live I don't know address near park embarrassing contained panic website progress over glitches bugs making active links up to date news fill day making pages eyeballs swim everything eyes for eyes only contact Carol appreciates still ugly her PC John fixing styles tics aesthetic swift progress finally lights working Brush Creek poetry brochures posters made all this and love life breath weather body elements avoidable news brief

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Funny Day

bad words filter stalled website work whole server went down then my iMac crashed smelled it burning Mercury retrograde that was last month before we watched "Crash" unexpectedly poetic I built cold frame after thunder lightning funny day

Monday, March 27, 2006

Breath Use

I feel I should be doing something with myself my talent intuition experience intelligence largely languishing no one asking me to do anything direct produce my plays publish my writing how come fail self-promote work rarely seen honestly need doing something with others group share work together common goal vision amplified why dark alone speaking into silence why speaking nothing say helps vibration sweet sensation breath use existing language ego free no naturalist scholar philosophic alchemist who more natural elder loving capable focused smart

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Dream On

Zach ladder Abbie board smooth hang gremlins exorcized DMX Buddy loaner replacing dimmer pack tech rehearsal three-hour cue to cue I could have left but stayed my suggestions appreciated quality script hard-working amateurs "Nixon China" Portland Opera won me over after dozy first act missing nap aspirin after hours programming web presence John made me nifty system buggy or I'm not getting it too busy do anything but live love sleep dream on

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Further Mercy

a little Satie duet for the family before they go back to New York Boston Milton Florida Guatemala Lora-Faye snowboards Rachel skis Tensie runs the Rainforest Alliance room life more good here Julian freed happy thinking how make art with so much suffering in the world all entitled happiness why not cease artificial damage peace act urgent sustain personal float enjoy opera further mercy

Friday, March 24, 2006

Whatever Happens

affective forecasting error grandfather learns this how I feel whatever happens what I do only the present is ever true like not like each other daunting learn anything expectation repeats memory matches remember did I like it then probably mostly cheerful feeling few pains passing ennui curious being

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Local News

anything not interested Iran opposition local news novel Banville good enough funk fly-by stasis chilled overbooked tomorrow Zack Abigail nothing today busywork poets players lighting setup what spark creative heat no lacking love comfort abundance here ahead I'm connected virtual apart crowds teem every play out through how little can communicate fellowship inner parity same Beethoven drift away each own preoccupy reserve something plunge

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Magic Answers

alien age personality in solution slow dance give up opinion too subtle for intelligent repetition plenty of time to read all books hazardous stair-climbs broken sternum diabetes electric bug to stymie distract banish bore say I am the lighting designer do it then cinnamon toast and bed imagining magic answers patient practice serious work accept love one with forever

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

More Important

…time moving forward is more important than how you can arrange it… (Tere O'Connor) …the best of life is life lived quietly, where nothing happens but our calm journey through the day, where change is imperceptible and the precious life is everything. (John McGahern)

Monday, March 20, 2006

Acts of Will

rest eyes pay bills hear jazz drink coffee get high jack off no chocolate write blog chocolate give gifts (write checks) "Iberia" space out write minutes equinox individual acts of will dissolved in custom

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Pious Blood

luminous lilies pearly dove each moment its harmony indistinguishable my cup overfloweth used up images despite parents radio coughs what does anyone think listening silent windows bright spare me churches pious blood not I am sinking desperate high enough spared floods mainly praise sentience arising bewail nothing only blessings yield to the organ even blowing

Deep Water

return resume retard to the tempo of the budding fruit erratically warming steady swinging system I am part of individual cogs rhythmically interacting calls eventually respond board meets consents to change why argue attempt inform he understands Tensie Lora-Faye complex itinerary information always the sense of loss of dreams jeweled content wallet lost deep water adolescent front bus brink true refuge in waking reliable love close breathing

Changing Focus

You who are hidden Speak to us in breezes Leaves move the branches Branches move the leaves Shadows fall and mingle Changing focus on the ground (Daniel Potter)

Friday, March 17, 2006

Almost Gone

stimulus lacking solar input fogged lens issue George almost gone ten two minutes bed Vie same ride tireless house full memories paper favorites last day new old art house museum riches given borrowed Goya Gainsborough landscape ready home nap pack few words the play is "Far Away" by Caryl Churchill dark difficult creepy actors good opening night production fine audience supportive pleased my lights why this bleak vision everything hostile grotesque celebration world end how applaud his Genesis West happy play my part this too pass generous share mountain silence guest room comfort late night hottub moonlit panoramic breeze thanks Bicky Steve married thirty years ago in Ithaca Julian in utero now undone house sold assets divided final visit Las Canoas Chopin Haydn how we do go on

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Boring Beauty

star leaf peep soar curd glow moon shadow distant freeway rush boring beauty soak 104 tasting lemon tart Bicky John Mercedes old dog Slate I had to sleep deep swimming under water breath my only aim here light can I still believe in theatre how else live in memory present history lost

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Nothing Personal

easy exact placing color patient tech work thanks Brad self standards nothing personal art all day pingpong son love nap haircut 40 minutes rolling genie perfect Intermezzo relax open-eyed outwit fatigue thanks Maurie my theatre lives with or without applause

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Good Guys

words fail wild fancy Bill Hart under chair like Rio maze bench revolve transformed Fadiman on Hmong heartbreaking more American screwups nothing novel Bush who good guys are fooling fate mortal making art reprove age seasons return

Monday, March 13, 2006

Even Worse

too Saturday not two meaning sucked down always existing hole 200 no extra capacity move back live up to pretentious house Alain Ducasse twisting griping silence darkness this way even worse despite yearning sense know better linens throw away old silver whole society awaits dedication research best baffled failing confidence misplaced

Sunday, March 12, 2006

One Thing

dinner Alfred intense thyme cold hottub challenge driving seeing when my mind goes will it be a relief incorrect question life one thing lasting personality falters peril soul assumptions ambush thought waffles Times Milosevic dead escaped study model place lights imagine pale disembodied glows cottage 1.2 million schemers ruin town unlivable friends drift past moon bless my distant love

Cloud Cover

flip-flops dirty fingernails earbuds attack light distracted homework look around cancel election swing Super-Rica bragger Coffee Cat O.K. clearly drifting Santa Barbara rain day nothing real cloud cover old ladies movie dreams wet fake fur

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Intimate Sandwiches

Quakers who swear how meant live anarchist punks enact vision dream intimate sandwiches for me for you repart premature theatre gods call opening Thursday cultivated home these unsold seats warm familiar still alert devotees paid for trip waiting rush takeoff flight arrive incoherent gabble mild brain surf

Let It Go

It is this deep blankness is the real thing strange. The more things happen to you the more you can't Tell or remember even what they were. The contradictions cover such a range. The talk would talk and go so far aslant. You don't want madhouse and the whole thing there. (William Empson)

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Perfect Serve

suck up tough skin man up! nostalgia is not desire former highs unrepeatable present company preferred "Dolly" never fades downpour eruption more light enhances wishful aim lost play remember writer dead friend gives up on marriage daughter sympathetic kind I synthesize long sons this peace intermittent weather systems perfect serve

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Hard Fact

just war forget it no such never right always wrong mankind tragic distortion genetic hard fact stuck it opposite love sex beauty form chaos logical reason anything heart in flames trust no leader study it agree among ourselves

Monday, March 06, 2006

Good Company

Ligeti carry me Barbara Guest good company plot and narrative sentences words as paint Sheik Shata matching personalities formed socialization relationship religion status pushing rented cattle around Chinita loves them convivial relaxed this is what we like

Driving Need

the enchantment of the scene depicted derives from fidelity to the way things happen to happen Porter Schuyler like Schubert most least continuous beat Jim is solid Jim is an optimist at all times Jenny thinks the sky is falling Bobby had a driving need counting weekend unconditional collaboration

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Teeth Chew

a little work enough change name tweak format fix bothers approach final draft then what after driving lunching nap an hour idle daze walk budding grove work a little Mozart wine brown rice hummus hair nails grow teeth chew voices trade secrets for fun admire fellow humans even-tempered constructive sympathetic

Friday, March 03, 2006

Velvet Charm

Johnny story whistling limits practical no story without everything cannot be whole necessary real make website gratify love let be not mine live myth each music power color velvet charm fierce purity realize harmony going forward arrive again family beautiful webs appalling spans context grotesque immaculate in forms alternative no regret mistakes unfolding future like words following thoughts

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Big Mistakes

invalidation of critical response did I conspire devalue form value values pro collage unreason denied own strength pro sensation deranged o foolish confidence invite corrupt authentic who cares opening intent ambitious grab control now we're soup waters rising voices toothless blameless copout weak excuses big mistakes deafening speechless silver hook alluring nightlife vs homelife corresponding friends not me extended far-fetched scattered family draws blood redefines continuous exchange go on imagining harvest dream treasure no difference only some administer most badly needless suffering is real conspire to end it

Forgive Mirror

time stand still here emphatic barnside gestures 3:15 warmer singlet forgive mirror winter in summer new everything magazine molehills trip cats apply lesson midnight dancing finish life book this one secret pseudonym silent read

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Best Vows

eternal doubt even Beckett Couperin sounds like serious advice sans real estate not real more body mind less world diddle words feel I'm working daffodils plum blossoms robins rain longer days movie nights property nightmare wake up early cushioned love mighty strange Chopin Preludes insurance poetry filing ask Bryan city office ask businesses support assert easy laps pause catch breath practice patterns renew best vows

Monday, February 27, 2006

Nothing Happens

morning basic business playhouse poetry festival banking swim read nap dream phone make stew whew all day required procedures ever arise Anthony Newman Bach showing off his stops settle Al's estate heaven music nothing happens except you know what how plot counterpoint

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Dozing Aloud

all my days about me going gone negative my own sentences trash forms effort flaring match crash harmonics masochistic parallel elusive earnest dialogue patient rote personalities dozing aloud sit hold forth pioneer revealing intimate existing twittering now

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Little Doings

tax advisor writing hobby just forget it where the hell am I somber films 9/11 US Chile can't back beings suffer Woodburn Starbucks little doings all there is no irony laughs sincere faith people son religious living alone classical music fusilli syrah here gone witnessed turn

Friday, February 24, 2006

Better Living

ambition live free full family friends why give up grind isolated just us stars burst from my penis billions virtual family I never knew why not Marshall Mason Doric Wilson Billy Hoffman after all small talk hang out actual distant who prefers separate seldom trips every day better living compound respect love mutual close how rejoin human corrupted lost paradise organize against war join bodies word wishes realize joy

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Actual Fate

first rain my practical calming numbers Chopin introspective humidity restored budding plum ahead arrivals take him to train baron wilder striking clock numb balm desire faint music drama mild white uncle his great-uncle willing human actual fate

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Who

face poetry financials track down last $2 satisfaction of bookkeeping art more elusive mediocre career blues descend all but the who what envy eats practical cats horses fed watered undressed pool full mechanical children screaming slide barley tuna my mellow chili artichokes account all act thought passion dream