Monday, June 27, 2005

Body Parts

clotted change style syncopated rain body parts lame release me put me in movie fame game name new city old civilization have faith pulse read poem angels indians fly away strike never fair keep on anyway believing saved

Tell Me

documentary Diane di Prima today felt stiff on camera Melanie pleased hard talk deep memory old inhibits documentary me must write myself see myself meeting Diane Arbus middle Seventh Avenue magnetic saw her death picture Times floor painting theatre gallery Denver we work until we die us artists writers know they are endow life meaning redeem mundane snatch form from void streaming away have to otherwise self betray muses unamused friends vain slick music unknown instrument I am the editor you can tell me

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Stupid Sunday

most day shot stupid Sunday awaiting what flat prose no use past remember tomorrow all I have to do is apply myself work comes hours produce progress I am re-interested constructing content thinking early times radio music rain evening dinner movietime ironic ironing ah Bach bauxite breakfast raspberries ripe abundant pleased to be good prepared to be wet crabgrass pulled trees planted sod busted bed made video returned blog corrected marriage saved studio clean myself scrub shower floor horses dance to Mozart suspending time driving nothing dark wet shiny slick as anecdotal months encompass meaning what we choose place fate relations hip degrading body image not yet digitized polish mirror though I no longer look

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Art Thieves

Janet Malcolm on Gertrude Stein long sensed close method writing "Making of Americans" unreadable modern greatness my great model dream Venetian palace gondola tall exotic woman unwigged art thieves wake amused "mad romp" loving yoga briefly jump-start truck buy 40 arbor vitae screen eventual new neighbors lunch nap briefly Salem again Obo Addy drumming great friend Sid training for marathon so many lines of something else branches reach droop brown die Sibelius clear Dan Marya inviting true friends welcome manifest call Stephen call Julian tie shoelaces not easy anymore mail sell credit poison call Alfred messages love Saturday night happy being home

Friday, June 24, 2005

Original Style

twice lost missed two turns coming back from coast concert fabulous Beethoven cello sonata Brahms songs two old Viennese pianos Brian Connelly Weber quintet astonishing antique clarinet Lorenzo Coppola spent the night dreamed of dogs one burnt the other eaten bear not to mention private pleasures but my mind not tracking as I expect it to glad home no more drive swim lost stay here mow water spoke Crystal now Ive swallowed willing play Tess audition October so thats on after all feel better money enough every indulgence other than one makes your heart flip thanks Dennis and now I see my writing circling my original style unappreciated odd unread to me true transparent

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Best Advice

Arbus gone Sothebys going coming back Dennis best advice expenses living New York dont count living any somewhere do I dare to do the work put up another light Brush Creek dim zone deadly even this poor excuse ladder not that heavy accept ladders danger small price light question is actors who will be my stars

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Perfectly Clear

summer rain Alexandra surprise writing lesson father Carol's riding brings her growing story Phoebe's adventures English estate servant girls mean step-mothers teaching sentences loves what happens writes funny vivid scenes sly wit swim lunch drive Portland black sky downpour drop living room kilim cleaners they will mend spot pink wool gone home "I Like It" page sun dinner even these long days not long enough cook eat wash creek walk Carol rampant weeds overwhelm baby trees Faustino seldom Traci pregnant Myra hormonal Annie loves mare to too two there their theyre okay O.K. not ok rule thumb myth orthography one preferred write Maurie open heart raga perfectly clear

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Blessed Snuggle

Ross Wetzsteon review "Christmas Carol" Caffe Cino directed 64 email Robert Patrick after long silence we will never harmonize dream my parents living hole pour food in on mother coming out horrible feeling awake five up no better saved by blessed snuggle eyes O.K. cataract gradual no glaucoma reading glasses ordered hip so sore I can barely walk using stick may be time to face that again Bobs answer leaves me chastened smug amoral copout no excuse bad friends only artist advises lose money spend on play make webpage directing Soren Agenoux need website designer when in doubt do something on to do list every little bit helps

Monday, June 20, 2005

Divine Specific

'And Louis says, "That means something. But what?"' 'The earth hangs heavy beneath me.' 'For soon in the hot midday when the bees hum round the hollyhocks my lover will come.' Whatever the light touched became dowered with a fanatical existence. A jar was so green that the eye seemed sucked up through a funnel by its intensity and stuck to it like a limpet. 'We suffered terribly as we became separate bodies.' 'I was always going to the bookcase for another sip of the divine specific.' 'One can learn Spanish, one thinks, by tying a string to the right toe and waking early.' 'Tuesday follows Monday; then comes Wednesday.' 'Tuesday follows Monday; Wednesday Tuesday.' 'The clay-coloured, earthy nondescript animal of the field here erects himself and with infinite ingenuity and effort puts up a fight against the green woods and green fields and sheep advancing with measured tread, munching.' 'Swelling, perpetually augmented, there is a vast accumulation of unrecorded matter in my head.' 'I addressed my self as one would speak to a companion with whom one is voyaging to the North Pole.' —Virginia Woolf, from "The Waves"

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Much Needed

Bach French Overture nice music! fertilize grass box office concessions inexcusably stupid play how can I hour break then board meeting day break doing nothing much needed fertilize azaleas rhodies play new digital camera birthday present Carol months not 70 yet photo Diane Arbus photocard tender feelings out of lucite frame tender image determined initiative precious on her way collectable emailed dealer sending Sothebys if he doesnt still reluctant lose all obscure production soon forgot but not claiming slot Brush Creek hailing golfballs false alarm cars hidden cowshed maybe better park hedge planning bulbs moving grass growing faster giant mole mounds email cleanup keep in touch dear friends kids fantasies blue ball moving rain breeze cool raspberries we picked my well-won dessert

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Interest Elsewhere

turn to catching up back home rested clear poked around Seattle neighborhoods met Irene Michelle drive downtown Irene funny riffing East Seattle pebble beach look across at city what city is that children divers show finds sea cucumber last night foot-wide starfish show Irene interest elsewhere contrast Cuban Spanish Spanish demonstrated dances flicker attitudes fresh fish chips redeemed yesterdays story her mothers love hugs misunderstood mentioned shes aristocrat so fond goodbye graze gazebos Portland downpour dinner sun when lilacs last in the dooryard bloomed Hindemith may not be the one glad reunion

Friday, June 17, 2005

All Herself

leaving green fields home drove north into Washington trees water roadside clutter marble capitol Olympia traffic Tacoma seething Seattle parked theatricals busy networking each labeled theatre job Michelle Irene awaiting wall kissed sat close arm around her thin strong brought Miami are we getting an award she is I am invisible forgotten long gone she says when I left New York avant garde theatre died says this kind thing again again their hotel room Michelle films Irene lies bed talking remembers much exact not where she is all herself always right stringent ego Michelle two years documentary good Italian restaurant I had animale (sweetbreads) fun my hotel view lake city lights hard bed thin blanket lone dream theatre death morning Queen Anne breakfast people bright blue sky

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Little Pricks

back in fixed that last hasty wrong first gone day soaks earth wrapped light one side time it is everywhere penetrating fluid move in float absorb it nourishes our little pricks blackness between here eyes fade same inexorable death only reappear hexagonal waken rise and shine decided auction Arbus photocard Sothebys Patti Heide researching alternative theatres raining long day drive who cares what music

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Name This Artist

mop swim copy video water wildflower garden show Carol work weedwhacker anticipate Seattle Irene old friend dear art colleague Michelle documentarian name this artist It was cold and it rained. So I felt like an actor, and I thought of Ma, and I wanted to get back there, your face, your race, the way you talk. I kiss you, you're beautiful, I want you to want… write Ginnie copy Half Life reach out Faustino whacking machete tendonitis it is quiet they consult in Spanish Carol picturesque in boots big hat red shirt


brake foot stuck gallon water floor crash fence drop safe embarrassed night writhe read The Sun stories bad light discouraged mob young theatre pros TCG conference site I am invisible its hopeless cant do that career thang now failed grasp advantages opportunity to work practice art raved like Jonas Mekas "We refuse to continue the Big Lie of Culture" explored alternative chose love life comfort missed miss fun creation tangle minds talents visions breakthrough what matters only our individual lives

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

City Mind

Michael Jackson acquitted Sneddon eggface read "The Waves" shop socks all afternoon contacts from all over clouds floating in my studio technical glitches melt for now Laurel resists my two culture theory but its yes I know true now more than ever two Americas big city people v. rest they never city dont know city mind martinis style my parents knew thats why they sent me east school why I braved New York now live on farm like hardly farmer natural life supereducated sensibility

What to Fight

I am the story I tell myself content out of control un- chosen knock door intrusion conversation bridge road secrets what to fight I fluster computer puzzle Palestinians not raining quiet empty week we will be dead by then this or that way out all fair consider the constructed self service economy failing state injections peace is the way

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Back to Basics

up ladder hang lights teen show ouch lavender bastard amber pink blue specials back to basics what is thrill who am I josh wants to take violet for a ride in his car violet loves car rides she will tell josh she wants to go to the ocean violet needs to figure out how to free herself from constant city life she yearns for the moon and stars and open space of time

Friday, June 10, 2005

Thin Again

violet had a painting of hers hanging in a show sam was there they behaved like two puppies sam is an artist he wants to make a mask of violet's face this could be trouble violet knows being alone with sam could be inviting he reminded her of their private moments violet loves the dance of seduction sam knows violet has a man in her life he knows she is not available for him violet does not want to push him away life is interaction with people she will not let sam make a mask of her face cant I just stop pushing thinking I am good wanting to be thin again

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Three Owls

dreams more real than reality follow three owls into vast wooded shed my companion pushes over a huge tree which falls slowly crashing others fall cause landslide blocks road sections of the building grand collapse Johnny's apartment filthy bare I set about sweep up dried mud broom handle cut off short we walk through Pearl District Portland step inside restaurants check out menus martini time for prosperous urban entrees twenty-five twenty-eight as whole system teeters toward collapse "Take Me Out" at ART is excellent well written cast acted directed teched light on faces voices bodies eloquent leads me think I should give up my work what was not might have been can this be breakthrough looking for

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Good Sleep

night fright day okay light my medium dark demands death no other escape existential horror reading numbered glasses barely work warmth comforts easy quick in June love heals a while dream reality suck undercuts good sleep adventuring once month week ever unbearable alternative meds magic faith art fail against evil void true doom

Monday, June 06, 2005


looking for breakthrough is it poplars blowing cloud shapes immanent is it going somewhere where what for Denver Uncle Al too long drive road rapture gone dubious New York is it doing here O Italy France Holland O England imagine living nevermore

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Real Time

unduly time-consuming capturing video need bigger hard drive 60GB filling up three versions both acts 6 hours just to watch too much where is my assistant hotels theatre tickets trips raining wind eyes giving out otherwise fine what do about theatre New York how move ahead settled life demands expression Building Department hold up Living Theatre Judith 80th year real time takes too long moving stuff around save everything short time finale "Downfall" order disastrously persists Eva Braun fun pretty like my mother young what are we missing denying what dread fate setting up for us

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Beyond All That

digital camera early birthday present wanted excellent capability family snaps potato salad Oregon Garden picnic roses don't be bashful we're beyond all that not now kiddo i'm the owner and I'm alive so go away I have been talking to Crystal about my play. She says it will cost up to $35,000 to put it on at TNC and the maximum I will get from the box office is around $8,000. I don't think it makes sense to produce a play that is guaranteed to lose so many thousands of dollars. I am eager to work hard but I would like to do it in a situation where I am paid, not paying, and where there is at least the possibility of having a success and making money. So I am taking a hard look at the budget. I need an agent who believes in my work!

Friday, June 03, 2005

Unfair Charges

keep doing things make moves otherwise nothing happens not so other people act body parts fail natural disasters unfair charges I send Gary book Crystal budgets 35 thou for Trouble too much First Friday we walk downtown pick asparagus and strawberries Michele's koi swim in my screen

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Pet Projects

reunited she can hardly wait plunges in phoning typing driving mowing each continuing pet projects Alfred calls for help I can and gladly will printing tuning harpsichord Bach old friend where magic tractor roaring on book done

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Amazing People

pushed through to the end of my book about my years in New York cutting focusing shaping the story by leaving things out first I wanted to put everything in that doesnt work thats therapy I am trying to write a book that will be published make money energy go out in the world be history interesting to read entertaining acknowledge thank the amazing people who gave me so much it is still my story and I live through the losses again but another life has happened since then it is long ago yet all one thing still a lover still writing and putting on plays


heavenly days pours then sunny frightful waking early dream-laden sorely rising walking dry throat breath gravity bound rabbit rabbit June no alternative