The Scribe

Up till now I knew everything. How to spell Champs-Élysées. What is the year on Earth. Sound arising, layered. Each separate season in its time, wishing someone else had not already said it better. Or again, that this unfolding redeems the great undoing. Now nothing is more certain, my opinions flattened by a dubious claim: work, pain, compete to be the best, the usual. Men. I am. Further notes come of their own volition; I am only the scribe.

Comforting Routines

Tuesday holidays confuse the weeks. Undeterred I pursue my comforting routines. Neck exercises replace yoga on Sundays. Bacon and eggs replaces granola. Bach cantatas. Price halved, the Times continues. My usual lunch. Other elements capriciously vary, but not much these days. I read and write as always, though it's winter so my studio is not warm till afternoon. Despite chaos and lifelong adjustments the personal pattern persists.

Distant Beloved

Density accumulates. Nothing happens yet the day is full of meanings and satisfactions (after predawn dismay). News (all bad), communication, editing, exercise, intellectual stimulation, job possibility, new Nocturne, shopping, good writing, cooking, conversation, Dante, Beckett on film to go. (Incomplete list.) Not to mention memory or distant beloved always here.

High Water

This by my reckoning is my thousandth blogpost. Talking to myself and you, existing in public. Nothing else matters: if Bollywood calls I am ready to dance. The usual strategy. Journals reveal too much. It is time to take charge of the plot. How it happens not necessarily the same. what it is gradually revealed possibilities not otherwise known exploit arising formulations high water wearing temporary banks

Responsible Whim

Unstable static weather related erases Dudamel Beethoven. Mark attention passing. Dante's architecture enables exuberant invention. Why should a watch be square? Do I dare see "Sweeney Todd"? Fassbinder's exquisite craft allows personal responsible whim delight deepens astonishing perfection despite despair. Sleep discrepancy effectively addressed.

Look Down

Teenage Lincoln Kirstein meets Gurdjieff misses Ezra Pound. How can I spare this book? Daniel Boone enables French grid American west: look down. Hitler anticipates American hegemony. Invisible "empire of bases" empowers enemies bleeds wealth. Such my joy of reading. Eventually warm eventually write.

(Day Off)

Continually more ease. Presents promptly distributed. Family in touch. Contradictions recognized. Satisfactions of editing. (Novelist's day off.) Wide reading (piles of books). Reopen past: la belle jeunesse. Only now do I see. Completely here, ceremonially eating.

How Late

Early swim clean house. Bad lunch good converse. Pouring sun triple rainbow rewards rising. Yummy dinner sweet candles. Read Dante. Messiah helps Christmas lights artistically disposed, design principles fresh invented limits confusion. Moon past full, north leaning toward light, new colors tempting overdo. I learn how late to stay up.

Vibe Sincerity

Not just drumming but shamanic, a funny little circle, ladies with enormous drums with names, the same great vibe sincerity I lost in the Haight, remembering the moon and animals, embracing custom dubiously known, familiars equally at sea; let us gather in the rain and give each other what we are, exchange gifts, unjudging, any sins outside and far away, another time, another self.

Past Midwinter

Black morning gradual gray wet light. I'd left the heat on in my studio all night. How much time does it take to live a life? Enough. Time will be the final knife. No reason not to do the thing, to cook, to write. Pleasure floating moving past midwinter patterns naturally delight.

Pouring Out

Share Scarlatti, historic memory, restrained reception. Essential not to be impressed. But entertained? Sometimes I am on, amaze myself if not the other. Enjoyable sensation beyond self, riches of being pouring out, meetable.

Hand Matters

My senses part of the weave of being. Radiant with sensitivity, my hand matters, listening to Stravinsky making too much point for me, the conductor's doing, making Christa feel invincible. Saying it doesn't make it true, but the thought counts.

My Beliefs

Human history as a whole is a history of violence and warfare. (Keith Ward) This cloud is my beliefs. Perfectible happiness love goodness beauty art for the general. Sun breaks through. I dissolve.

Art Action

Walk around, look in the shops. Eat, observe local characters. Our crowd somewhat younger. How fit? I am here but living in a bigger world, as if in Paris, London, New York, for thinking and creative energy, style, attitude, envisioning art action, where the fun is.

Just in Time

Intense tai chi leg twists what effect hips good bad? "Bad Dog" Christmas cards just in time. Iris Murdoch what a pleasure ("The Bell"). Cusack "Say Anything" beautifully felt truly touched. Rich experience in a simple ordinary setting reaching out to poets.

Organ Replaced

Days blur, Saturday on Friday, Monday more weekend, Sunday write swim buon viaggio concert rain, imagining a way to tell. Beethoven's birthday 1770 marimba. Eighth circle eighth ditch. Organ replaced by inoffensive orchestra. Paul's pianos will complete the thought.

No Substitute

Reeling after neighborhoods Hawthorne not our idea of city dynamic sophisticated Alberta better think Albuquerque livelier mix I go for yuppie funk. Together fun no substitute for everyday reality.

Experimental Cooking

Reading Havel reflect how little one's own capacity is tapped. Fewer occasions to rise to as decades pass. Record weak. His exquisite self-awareness so likable does him honor but no good. Being himself too much work for writing plays, experimental cooking. Emails elicit instant answers. Give away computer. Ready to go.

On Proust

Proust's great novel would be even more delicious if he hadn't changed the boys to girls. There are real women too, producing two incompatible levels of reality. The meditations on love and lust are exquisite but the substitution undermines the honesty: what he is saying is no longer true or, sometimes, credible. Too bad. I suppose he had to do it, but I wish we could read what he wanted to write and actually had to say.

Easy Poetry

Ginger reprieve undoes regret but mystery remains: why is she limping? Days off frustrate dubious flu vaccine. Cancel Theater Times. Rich Italian teens defy distracted parents. Melting frost permits Chinese herb run. Tender nuzzle releases sleep thanks Mahler Five. Easy poetry agenda table door.

Chance

Onion slips, knife stops, blood. An exciting (fictional) encounter. Movies come by chance, each a world, Herzog tendentious, frightening, Resnais tricky, elegant, anti-romantic. Like book reviews, Picasso, China then and now. Albertine pays a visit. Sewing, ironing. Deepening winter. We are happy.

Garlic Fingers

Too cold for studio doesn't stop me writing. I make it to the West Coast. Dutilleux the Brahms of Paris 1964. All agree to penetrate expression. Garlic fingers. Friends for dinner. Horse chiropracty. Silver polish. Point of view tells what is important, chooses what to tell. What to eat before a trip.

Smooth Sliding

"Prick" sad dreaming whimpering unwakeable, deepest devastation then over. Rain every day, tractor undriven. Snores inevitable. Quietly at home, then out about, seek find. Read Havel, my hero. Unmentioned, not forgotten, invisible. Essential tasks. Shuffleboard experts practice smooth sliding. Free breathing blessing renewed!

Growing Inward

What use thinking without saying? No one can know how help is willed. Right or wrong untested, lesson undrawn. Wisdom growing inward, lonely self beyond remembering. What are we waiting for? Each on his path, needing to be witnessed, yearning to be known.

Serious Thinking

Sexy haircut makes me younger, just in time. "Reasons and Persons" closely argued challenges assumptions: who, how many? Serious thinking about religion: I don't get it. "Divine Comedy" dramatically draws us in. Courage for winter. Joy of cookies. Proust invites revisit; much of the banquet remains. Desires abated, why resist?

Doing It

Through the rain, tai chi again, time for a trim. Abyss gapes, I pass, rebound, and swim again. Hours at the easel key to art. Hang in, what else? I am not trying I am doing it.

Well Again

Am I bankrupt for art, or is the art bankrupt? I am contented at the Grange, no longer longing for Italy. (Bedbugs.) Rain is good, extreme cold alarming. I like heat, to a point. Once I am well again, I will diet.

Open Mind

Pure spirit rising. No history. Each begins new. Promises kept. Comfortable body. Open mind. Uncorrupted knowledge. Sickness leaves of its own accord. Everyone sleeps, etc. All same. Conditions propitious. Seize the opportunity.

Peculiar Joy

A peculiar joy in being sick (just a cold), anatomizing organizational dysfunction, recounting "The Spirit of the Beehive," every shot exquisite. Steak, broccoli, potato. Meeting about Ignacio's book, and working on it. Not expecting to feel good, not feeling worse than I do is a blessing.

Untenable Positions

Oddly difficult to stay awake in daylight, stay asleep all night. Tormenting dreams await, impelling flight. Then mutating aches, incipient pains, untenable positions, phlegm. Thought is useless or worse, writing impossible. Welcome morning ends ordeal. Rested, restless. Virus fogged. Procrastinating. Tinnitus sings.

Power Steering

New orange tractor makes trusty old blue Ford, trucked away, look sadly decrepit. Always an awkward design. Time for auto-shift, power steering. Launder mop. Poetry report. Practice tai chi. New narrator, new start, fresh voice. Anything but me.

Serious Trouble

How I feel is all I have to go on so when I don't feel good I am in serious trouble. And: why should I work? Nobody pays me. It does me no good, makes me no friends, takes me no wonderful new places. I have to do something besides read, watch films, and play the piano, I suppose, need to feel I am getting somewhere so I press on. Scratchy throat. Uh-oh!

True Believer

Remember Arthur Sainer, seriously good close colleague of another age, true believer in the virtue of art, responsible for everything important, esoteric playwright, pale chronicler of noble protest, abandoned Jewish brother, forgotten champion of beauty's truth, farewell.

English Soap

Alan Bennett "best-loved." America too big, I am lost. Looking at horses Andalucian. Striking grey too young skittish. Pregnant bay with two white feet diagonal pairs. Cold in shade, read in car. Dylan movie frustrating semi-cheese. Moonlight on the prairie. Whip up pasta, salad, yum. On to Mrs. Pritchard, best English soap [unfortunately not on].

Angel Choir

Christmas figures reemerge, our own diversity, carved of wood, freely varied nationalities and walks of life, mixed up species, beyond the crèche a caravan of camels, odd animals large and small in clashing scales, peasant couples, angel choir, dead mariachis, Lapps with reindeer, Peruvians with llamas, funny French priest, functionaries in uniforms, man smoking, boy fishing, Santa Claus, mice, looking, talking, lovingly disposed on the back of the piano.

Moon People

Pain is not symbolic, it keeps you awake at night. So do resonant dreams, too spooky to catch. Gravity presses you into the mattress, however soft and yielding. Oh to be weightless, or weigh much less, like moon people bounding among the craters.

Give Thanks

Ritual feasting, hosts enact themselves, familiar, generous, one daughter brings burly boyfriend, one German girlfriend, girlchild suddenly tall studying dogs, boy's fingers delicate playing dominos, checkers, football silent, seamstress of monks, harpist of dying, old uncle thrilled by parents' wedding album, here is silver urn from the first governor of Nebraska, tarnished, younger wife plans airports, we are better, eat, drink, talk, give thanks.

One Book

Microscopic impulses, unformed chaos. Empty hours filled with Debussy. How do you have the strength to make an utterance? It's impossible to remain silent. One Alan Bennett book among many tells all it can, too improbable not to be true. Somehow I continue my secret project.

Less Fraught

Crepe skin, what next? On the whole getting old is good. I am less fraught. I am happier all around. Disaster is in the wings, awaiting its cue.

Say Anything

Stark fear brushes past. I am not strong enough anymore. Writing seems hopelessly trivial, music's consolation's brief. History is not some crockery recovered from the Titanic. Lives forgotten, the shipwreck remains. It is fiction, I can say anything.

What Else?

Learning, enjoyment, persuasion, exchange of information—what else? Steady rain all day. I love it except when I have to drive in it after dark. Soothing sound. No need to do anything outside except I want to. Wind thrashing interludes pleasantly besieged unless the roof blows off.

Missing Days

Missing days not necessarily empty vanish without a trace. As if I was not. I was writing something else. "Thinking." We can find out by looking in my datebook, collating journal fragments, excavating emails. My calls not necessarily returned. I was reading Sartre, McEwan, The New Yorker, The New York Review of Books. I was keeping warm and dry, playing Schumann, Chopin, Liszt.

More Diligent

One writing stint daily is enough. I am not young. Is it not fitting to do less? A literary monk might be more diligent. It is no different than ever was, sans artificial energy. Learn to write fiction. I need to keep going places, seeing plays, movies, art, reading, impressions are essential as is well known.

Strong Reds

House, garage, studio, barn all condense around Kwan Yi. If the walnut dies the space will change. Windbreak gone, Italian cypresses redefine our expanded edge. Already the maples are two strong reds, new eucalyptus growing faster. Everywhere plantings recompose the landscape of the farm, layers of distance, openness, enclosure.

Up Again

Long winter nights my fright. Easy here house warm light. Dinner at seven then hours to fill. Read while eyes last. Talk. TV too dumb. Movies save by losing. Crossword answers flow then stop. Up again. Bones ache too long abed, sleep need limited, dreams a puzzle (mini-nuke in the boiler room doesn't go off). What do people do? Fond memories Fred McDarrah R.I.P.

Fun Show

BodyVox at the Newmark (fun show), "Gypsy" at Pentacle (enough said), Dead Poets at the library, "Milarepa" at the Hollywood, supper at Old Wives' Tales (strange Japanese vegetable pancake) reading Sartre and back in time for Mrs. Pritchard, what a whirl.

Rain or Shine

Hums and chirps inside and out. I am alone in the house and the fan is off. Something presses in. No wonder, I am connected. I see the joke but is it a joke? What makes it a story? These wonders rain or shine.

More Perfect

Feeling good is what it's all about. Hazel Hall, Petrarch, and Nezahualcoatl came from beyond. Everything dies but poetry more slowly. The idea that we can be good. Like Leonard Cohen. Rufus Wainwright was amazing. Norman Mailer, I miss you already. Correct the error. I am not to be more perfect.

High Beams

A longer nothing: how is that possible? Now all you can see is the road. The fog has thinned enough for high beams, reaching farther into the future, yellow reflectors racing toward you, then past. Lights are scattered across the prairie, unnaturally white on the barns, warmer in windows, headlights moving far away, a red light blinking up ahead. Mailboxes. Signs of proximity. Here.

Emerging

Field across the road mowed flat, no further raspberries. My candor motivates improvement. Young people are people too. Program doesn't design. Further ideas, resignation, divorce. Many plans for the solitary weekend, some social. Impossible to be bored. This screen rock, a photograph, windows into beyond.

Another War

Chopin doesn't come easily to me. I am hearing just now far shooting. Reading about another war, horrendous in a different way. I am always distracted, half attending, eating chocolate, expecting interruption. The harmonies are dense and slippery, the melodies spin on without repeating, the rhythm winds up, skips, unfurls, and when I get in the groove and hit the right notes it is divine, my heart flies. Plays possess my time but only movies take me away. There are always wars, unfortunate for those caught up in them. Let it not be me, let it not be anyone.

Slow Motion

Good to escape the shopping throngs, fly home to green, mission accomplished (pardon the expression). Musharraf big mistake. If it doesn't matter where one is, why describe it? Settle down for winter. Relax. Read. Write. Let meaning emerge.

Slow Steps

Another run to Malibu: lunch with Paul at the Getty Villa, watch glass-blowing, touch statues, talk. Refocus a few lights, tune up a few cues. Good preview. B minor mass, Metropolis symphony. Last breakfast at Our Daily Bread, in good company. Last lunch with Alfred, in the fog at Hendry's Beach. Adequately clothed, I resist buying anything else from Taka-Puna. White linen shirts not my size. "The Graduate" in the afternoon. Duets with Bicky making classic Julia Child dinner: roast chicken constantly basted, Dauphinoise potatoes, bright green French beans. Holly made a classic American flag cake for opening night party: strawberries, blueberries, cream cheese butter icing. Gratified to be valued, part of quality team doing another strong show. Slow steps back to the scholar's quarters, footsore, barely walking. Pack.

Mall Culture

Enjoyable lunches. Maddening delays. Alfred's 30th sweetly celebrated. A perfect haircut. The sun never did come out today. Finally the play is coming together. My lights look terrific. I love these actors. Sam fierce. John is reading Plato and Huston Smith. I am reading Pat Barker. Incongruous Ninth Symphony, after chocolate ice cream and a banana, soon enough gone.

Los Angeles

I like city, smooth drive down with Bicky past alarming fire-blackened hillsides, a glass of wine with Murray on the sunny terrace of his Malibu condo looking down on the sparkling ocean, fun working lunch in Abbot Kinney with Ignacio and an architectural walk through charming leafy pedestrian lanes, beach walk at sunset on the way back, feet grimed with soot and ash needed scrubbing when we got home, after pizza, "Mrs. Pritchard" and the Caffè Cino on tv teeming with old friends.

Good Sentences

Then what? An award ceremony: Marion Soil and Water names Carol Cooperator of the Year. I was pleased to be there. Today I flew to Santa Barbara, not really wanting to, to light "The God of Hell," glad to see sister, son, theatre friends. Oregon sun, California murk. I cried for Julia Child. I am as old as the old woman across the aisle. Place is meaningless, except home. Going through motions: airports, rental car. The play is creepy, evil wins. Writing is necessary but unsatisfactory. What use good sentences? Now it is bedtime. Then what?

Dead End

I never meant this to be poems, that's just what happened. A poem a day. Some of them are good. Charles Simic's essay on Robert Creeley in the New York Review (10/25/07) shakes me awake. He respects "the prototypical American proclivity since Whitman and Dickinson for speaking in the name of an extraordinary single self, which nevertheless feels itself to be representative." (I did that as a critic, too.) But Creeley "convinced himself that the only authentic act for a poet is to report what is in his mind at the time of writing," which is exactly what I have been doing. "He continued to believe that some bit of language that came out of the blue could be a poem…" Indeed it can. That's what I do, grab a couple of words and follow what arises, with no content but myself; the solipsism implied is false, shallow, craven. Of Creeley: "It's a pity that he felt the need to remain faithful to ideas about composition long after it became clear that they not only were limiting him but were a dead end." Take that. I have no ideas, by which he means theories, much bandied about with Robert Duncan and others. I just write. No more poems (for now).

Perfect Fig

a day this beautiful is a weather event just as much as rain and wind pleasure overbalances pain if you measure time I imitate a person enjoying a perfect fig who is convinced his own memory fits agreed facts adjustments quite as good do you need inspiration no and I forget what I use instead jump out the window

Only If

unrevealed it didn't happen except to the actual person forgotten movies were not seen except then books not read but the hours passed pleasingly engaged in vast imaginary possibilities if I say this then that only if someone tells records can I mean what it was I began

Bad Example

too many of everything to describe any one bad example why make more O.K. already expressed never quite like this considering death O.K time to go strong happy stuff a concern how inconvenient survivors busy far away nothing after O.K. books memories plangent dreams internet presence love lasting longest make a present future no future past

Winter Nights

what if not children living elsewhere unfortunately culture of scattering but actively carrying on what if not wondering vaguely question suffering doubt vaguely dissatisfied not doing enough quite right children existing is what might relieve console is that what Liszt thought music for winter nights

Opening Night

my real body is young smooth lithe fresh as fifteen strong as thirty-five white hair thick age draped over it ill-fitting irrelevant pay it no heed my real self is outside time capable of anything fearless just beginning to understand this is opening night irresistibly attractive art enflamed look through immediate repetition wear damage faulty steps my real thought is this flowing momentary stillness striking clock my father's I am not he as you are not me we meet at ten to tell our woe we wed again as one the other brief quick kiss hot tip be in this all together

Necessary Explanation

head above water body below large whitish thrashing everything on earth spinning along gravity necessary explanation suspended illusory which way backward afloat in time sleepswimming in tandem harmonious mergers welcome challenging tasks imagine treasure waiting flexible connection redefines perfected union some come easily jaunty tunes readily expository as if short words better express uncomplicated stories unimaginable restraint complements warmer depths

Dream Possible

terminal frustration finally I know how I'm too old start anew desired collaborators busy stamina limited mostly time stands still nothing changes pleasures are repeatable patterns persist same old clothes wear out slowly present reprises yesterday tears avail not reenact what didn't work the other times choose good habits be comforted hope youth creative energy freed start now remake dream possible

Lap Work

when will I begin overcoming all my galling limitations mystery intention locking me inside self belief barely relevant God dog (barks all night) oh books I could write wit wisdom ready eat be rich and famous last no what I mean is sit at my desk or lap work here month on month registrar of being analyst meaning built from words

Three Meals

illusion of nothing what is something actual this and that post office recycling varnish table scrub legs pick up walnuts dream mow Mozart three meals friendly reading journalism Drabble write letter Julian sons are real

Too Many

too many words meaning lost what is work promise wake up come back O. K. I'm awake what too many ideas about what I like generalized good take in crimson foliage glorious too bright I squint don't want to know how bad it personal mortality enough happiness too many each unique rehearsal machine like appreciate value added every day

A Table

president of poetry I offer Kenneth Koch blank looks why can't I talk about things people to call business coming events it's not as if everything settled mind emptied editing Ignacio I recompose his childish memory flashes vanish around corners sand away my children's dings family dinners this historical artifact a table

Rushing Tires

arcs of light wet sidewalk shining rushing tires on nearby motorway machine always running bedroom filtering air stretch leg's ligament crossing ear crickets tug memory future nostalgia encroaching ever miss present sensations changing

Our Best

The process, reality translated into bits of pure form, courts incoherence but sustains meaning. (Kimmelman on Stein) linen letters further virtues wish the truth orbital or belt soft recovery sudden click ignites my heat again restored who new strategy exhausted reforms implies positive spin as if carefully placing every word materializes something someone wants make it they will buy for plays see website pictures Magie's manifesto every one of us doing our best Be superior by cultivating your intellect and taste. (E. Waugh to his son Bron)

Too Hard

what if I worked on it all day instead of snatching fragments from oblivion made something of myself I do then what it only why then keep writing as though Waugh family publisher never shortage readers too hard work outside put up shit shed gutter who is it for what motivates compulsion identity spiritual obligation fulfilled still hungry obscure desire arising even now which current carried me here this way how productive be if not so scattered free choose lawful mosaic ordered mind

At Peace

the best part this being awake at peace lucky me loving loved leave it at that if I only could thinking reality not the same historically personal promise pain and worse undeserved yet the night is warm inside again as if this is expected

After God

seems if nothing start somewhere before God what after God we are not the first only begin where are words that mean essence existing none fatherless or unmothered conditional past precedes myself admit you know unforget choice composing deaf melody arising sun over clouds swim upstream effort required creates results

Wising up

difficult music special day worth driving to be among sophisticated listeners who trouble to appear Herbert Muschamp missed already none to write like that everything that matters to me is personal formerly prime now divisible two three four six eight nine twelve twenty-four and thirty-six I'm ready for autumn descending strongly play piano better more even wising up no alternative

Only Me

birthday doing list missed flu shot awaiting gasman helpless whip up nice lunch Ignacio book talk story life all outsiders find our way back formed so family carried forward individuality a myth only what we do distinguishes still same person Pew-Smithily blunders tender shy only me now sync sister siblings half regeneration barren yet time sons potential forward in present theatre enough this one even old

Serpent Kiss

dental reprieve relief paralyzed terror subdued rain sun swim giving in being here whatever it means enjoy plug away editing novels coming in Schumann Berlioz Wagner updating website train attention outward reflection inward learn doing being new age different phase reversals resistible urgency chosen balance leaves room quietly persevere until serpent kiss kicks back

Vegetable Truth

empowered being beyond oneself details absorbed shared vegetable truth berries painted music what is the lesson he said harmlessly invited can we open confidential tapes degraded unnoticed wack moments I will never renounce always thinking some emptiness redress of allergies lost lovers daring art procedure employed as if no one else can ever exist

Late Raspberries

writing letters ironing better than "Ethan Frome" late raspberries tomatoes burst in the rain farewell Faustino homeward after eighteen years friends gathered to appreciate his solid honesty tells truth mole might be hotter our beautiful farm his work fencing weeding moving hay so much to do how can the day be empty

Another Planet

feverish digging fervent singing image elsewhere another planet universe be- long path leads here date Silver Grille Stewart Park really exists whether we want to go or not we choose together artichoke shrimps then crème brulée next slot Brush Creek a year away I don't fit anyway care do something one more beginner minds his merit

Special Water

revert to saved analyze syntax theatrical panic nails full moon scandalous roof provokes a raid deserved or not Ms. Bossy frank razor moodwise special feel feet drily telephone disputed warm time for stoves is that enough

Being Brave

what follows another language ways ages long-distance travel being brave (Tobias Schneebaum) what else doing laundry dishes shopping housework accounts correspondence magazines shall I go on Friday's trash Saturdays recycling Tuesday Thursday I swim interminable meeting all procedure prompts consoling broadside that will do others who may demand less understand cliché depend on critics word views absorbable with drawn quarters butter faces no longer mine to judge no better than single stone

Familiar Rewards

continuity reaffirmed artistic domestic tasks pile up provoke future diligence squirming replaying Susan eventually dreaming wallet stolen bad scenarios meanwhile my own chair favorite latte free sunshine full moon promised rain cyclic paperwork personal attributes obligatory pleasures familiar rewards

Can Do

every minute fun is that too much to ask landscapes amaze tenth time only drive hoping home then something else begins rereading "Nausea" turning point on train New York New Haven eighteen first ballet vodka blur vibration stirring reading alone better than remember before philosophy said "three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do" remark not literature by itself invites riposte equally witty including being happy can do gleeful funny fun to try

Real Pain

Marceau's exquisitely corny art stilled time was we had time for mime decide plan moment come just go go forward try another medium rare even now do anything it takes blows money neglect stubbornly redefied tyranny real pain

Memorial Crosses

Dennis Kucinich holding hands calm wife strolling photo op beach memorial crosses speaks for peace rule of law social justice Sakana threatens Arigato so great Alfred open warmest affection think another best time Bicky duets many dinners open house no sorrow going anticipation transformed remembrance via incandescent moments rehearsed repeated each time immediate

Instant Unity

too soon to say moving on a fond farewell thanks Laurel feeling mutual says everything as well as we can know each other music instant unity no common ground needing talk medium negotiate cooperate space color rhythm real breath play of characters interacting like life like what we would like

Soon Ended

like family completely vapid repetition is purely formal any resemblance factitious give in up unembarrassed well accepted small audience for experimental theatre this routine soon ended fresh made up downtown Riviera Mercedes John which preferable both classy neither one home peculiar exhaustion barely allows words

Many Pleasures

91% chocolate practically medicinal I like sugar a little more perfect balance daily schmooze Maurie phone sitting stone step sun many pleasures Santa Barbara interviewed La Mama Troupe memories always awake journalistically curious not enough audience to congeal respond review mentioned Shelley Aeschylus wow 9/20/07 10:43 p.m.

Soft Self

meaningless Los Angeles all that effort I enter dazzled brightness colors cars my New York afoot Santa Barbara stay home garden murmur consider a pool our lives entirely artificial structure soft self stiff bones we are wrapped around naturally moving changeable inevitable regardless arbitrary forms friendship lasts longest whoever were dribbled caroming north warmer west work play lost frustration satisfaction returning faded lame eventually dead

Nearly Here

word becomes phrase image-thought edifice comes tumbling pure nonsense live between swells breath longing carries loving forward Philosophy, Lou thought and so did Cornelius, had trivialized itself right out of the ballpark. Nothing rose to plug the gap, to address what some called "ultimate concerns," unless you count the arts, the arts that lacked both epistemological methods and accountability, and that drew nutty people, or drove them nuts. (Annie Dillard, "The Maytrees") peanut butter honey whole grain sandwich cottage cheese yummy tomato orange juice good book sunny day duet fall nearly here

Little Kisses

enchanted canton timeless placeless this sunshine could be Provencal it is Julia Child supervising her husband Buff Orpington invented the chicken staying home away complex society around the palace garage pool house rented others under salon emerge to garden clean wash dishes piling up boy fifty lets his robe hang open I don't mind one lies down with me I don't know who snuggle embrace little kisses I remember my herpes day let go goes pleasantly ear wax making distance kind companion in the other room thoughts of phoning calendar rules exactly as I projected

Art Duty

no measure but inner intangible presumptive gratification art duty reason enough realest or social cohesion small group cooperating nothing results money reputation immortality sex expanded prospect that's what it means doing exposing imagined moral other people back to bed clouds pressure relief open day see-through book sun roses blissful relax intention expressed all see take or pass by

Old Paint

boing then play on play the audience out notes all remain this person that tell each doing best color change coordinated oops taste all mine nothing else to depend on how then exactly express not wackiness what doing hold on thought dissolved like old paint bubbling stinking poison pencil point beyond lost weekend won flotation belt fluttering wings let's fly be there without actually we can both read between appointments kept love open planned forever who can come 9/13/07 11:15 p.m.

Every Word

the people doing it like it especially Jeannot's enjoyment pleases me it ran 70 minutes ideal People Show plenty in it Ginnie loved every word tomorrow an audience programs overwhelming confusion multiple intimate expression blind with ego inevitable calm focus fulfillment

Beyond Control

how too consuming I forget familiar feeling mind boggled sapped riding beyond control creative surge crested whatever imagined exists as is a certain sag precedes survival nothing else body languishes only serves preorgasmic triste the price of having fun

Give In

I have tiredness no wonder where is my limo assistant masseur errand boy valet I park myself give in to cost joyful fuss at composition line imagine light set it up with Brad fast go right to it we know something at last actors each pursuing good flash imagination spirit of being making doing belief

Quiet Gratitude

new friend revelations no one else talk to Dante Goethe George Eliot memory passion pleasant present blooming civilized quiet gratitude colors imagined by name number expression unveiled away from the screaming girls we have the best time talking over Argentine meat

Generous Helpings

move discombobulates smoothly recomforted John's amazing French mansion friendly hospitable warmth habits disrupted no wi-fi piano just as well move on production suddenly over hump permits me buy a present linen shirt white elusive deep green useful Oregon winter regular life runthrough reassuring is an hour enough it must be much coheres in timely passing Pavarotti gloriously recalled voice like steel service generous helpings imagine carrying his coffin

Real Artistry

how unwind now focused fast nothing then all once again do repetition adding accents fast slow drunk southern expressionists I wish allow imagine act voilà! real artistry never mind arise ringing mine it's Michele tells me MySpace look my loved ones link I didn't know we're here there everywhere reading writing bedtime a timezone east

Moral Pain

only money not as important as feelings oh money what is your position culture grinds always struggle money flows out where come in how bear it undefeated these barely floating money barrel tap imagine Iraqi pater familias if you dare live here it's relatively easy war far off baser instincts tamed law's advantage moral pain real suffering philosophy who are you no common reader seek nothing sit without good or bad news predictable everyone professional now

Vast Throngs

first performance Rosh Hashana (second day Ramadan) final Yom Kippur whole run high holy days wow! we are honored awed atoning push through to stark conviction tonight rethink Point Blank every night we will be wilder push tension order chaos process metaphysics confirms my intuitive reach emergence actively what is going on Labor Day final summer vast throngs ritually beached steep into rollers easy immersion paddle about chatting visitor I swim resident rarely turning into my father in this one way did I know him how reveal myself to sons mutually understood accepted how little is confirmed as if each alone crazy idea truer way appreciate enjoy

So True

why can't I just sit down and read forget what other action catch up e-mail more forthcoming to friends watch tennis fidget go out anything to do list never ends meditate die is this poetry business interludes conventional practices maintained frivolous impulses joy expressed coupled over a thousand miles invisible inaudible even so true

Far Out

computer sex machine ex gravitas I mean extraterrestrial ex cathedra explicitly ex trajectory excludes aspects rationalized public private my very subject to fits somber documentary Iraq "No End in Sight" fools acting without oversight unaccountable egg-faced blind pawns evil game shameful where in this God Laurel scrutinize monologues hold up high serious engagé humane far out

Dog Heaven

not rainbow country not like New Mexico but still the evening light bathing hillside over tennis game sky sunset lights take over youngsters lose badly beach dog heaven not for me I'd like a personal cat but no way compete with barn community animals have their way I'm not very interested they're dumb ad in mailers etc. lost without rehearsal but Laurel needs day off Susan away I too Djokovic Stepanek have more fun but Santa Barbara isn't far behind

Less Mine

no solitaire here I'm too busy being real design the lights keep everyone in motion time flies beyond thought or fantasy no rewriting realize what is where now practicing make better nurture its life and give it away it's less mine already but entirely what I chose and want anticipated gifts more precious little known will be revealed a special form of patience

No Tricks

if only words meant anything I'd be widely appreciated not a genius no Gertrude Stein I could be anyone I could have anyone as long wanted will you play no tricks only intuit allow arise anyone can follow will you dance Little Miss Bossy quite delightful who has time to enjoy

Baby Oil

another brilliant blue morning pigs gone Santa Cruz recovering lunch fellow writer mutual understanding beneath whatever happening at the time and on to the beach sun swim walk mind empty of thought or self shorts drying various soft encounters soles tarred clean with baby oil I have that quiche $1.89 shiraz $2.99 chocolate reserve reblock scene one scene four lights change on every line pure poetry wants precision lucky I am such dedicated talented actors wet pavement disconcerting thunder late

Hot Fudge

caution return from hot fudge sundae ever else vanishes practical pillows who yield without seeming amusing telephonic moon kisses manifesting public market who increasing attendance stated baldly in dollars allow silvery mosh wit masters twinkle tip who defy fellow odds between oceans and the sunrise

Three Steps

write about them almost forgot that way be with few present or accessible others even e-mailed too far away if still alive or insufficiently responsive means more than fleeting actual identity pattern reaffirmed as if nothing signifies until converted into art days filled whatever intoxication passing Shakespeare a wedding one's own good fortune tasks accomplished offsets high malfeasances millions miserable inconsolable losses piling up only art matters my concern the subtle moments three steps pauses exact inflections lines learned reward my confidence work toward performance

Actual Images

what to do about people I love see them say something enjoy company memory present life never happier than directing rehearsals my milieu channel actors facilitate imagination arising gather public present results carefully lit displayed shape experience thoughtful beyond thought out of body physical sensual sensibility dancing play actual images

Marriage Vows

throw away the night plunge memory scramble comforted by down padding soft colors dream architecture watery metaphors glimpsed passing moons described in Italian looking down sea creatures rise brightly extended arms hugs warm marriage vows Lora Edward met in Maine making history cooperate cloudy 83 later lightning

What I Miss

Grace Paley better human gone ahead my own doubt transcended recently never ready more nor energies flag her art equal life principles political action hero what I miss New York spice fully conscious among fellow passionate travelers unique friends farewell be there existing absolute

Read My Blog

I wish people would read my blog do you have an envelope so I can mail a wheelchair props costumes poster images printing distribution reliquish tasks Angelica ready able what's my story interview java ten impossible tell everything read my blog willing heart love is far away going farther light musicians use available talent hold back control no profit minimal enough collage imagine multisensual experience

Less Emotion

light purple evokes romantic nostalgic feelings wake shunned accused of evil possession worrying art work always on the edge of not existing but it does Angelica quietly joins on book offers rehearsal reports other eyes I tell her if colors look gaudy try to subdue them less emotion acting you can use white suggest safety one more thing to think color cannot solve all your problems

Coffee Panic

coffee panic passes good things happen News-Press calls me images scanned sent lunching possible stage manager but sickeningly realize tonight late more rehearsing here chez M. uncool floor scratchable white upholstery smudged ruthless theatre art moves furniture rumples rugs not like Kiri Te Kanawa singing at the piano

The Repair

God inhaled and withdrew from the world, contracted Himself to make space for the world: an act of self-purification, to free Himself from evil. But the evil was mixed in with other divine powers, and when it flew outward in Creation it shattered the vessels, the lights of primordial humankind, and everything was dispersed—the original pure lights and all their impure forms too. And so everything Made was mixed, the constructive and destructive laced together. And as the descendants of Adam Kadmon, the primordial one, we are given breath to gather the shards, the evil as well as the good ones, and return them to their right places. This is the Repair: our only meaningful work. —from "The Archivist" by Martha Cooley

Smooth Sand

if I had a Rolex I'd have to have a Corvette would that make me a different person do I qualify how can so many compose music without repeating waken kundalini plunge into ocean smooth sand on trust rest sun readable bodies if you become impatient doesn't help everybody want something which time takes away cradle grave pay extra for nothing doing the usual tricks as if suspended space flight comes home

What Is Revealed

point blank spinning how know can how people talk move react express living energy particular my generic plastic martini glasses sold out all over town looking smart and final ice company substitutes satisfied time energy rehearsal switch me on late mirror glimpse irrelevant what others see I see for myself actors giving doing playing along good will bathing specific effort ideas for each actual interaction nobody tells me anything I have to know believe what is revealed

Too Tired

footsore blocking Point Blank eight actors preplanned coffee table stage paper slips characters moved around it largely worked plus what else arose too tired two and a half hours focus attention all an assistant would help only me and actors good nature work hard willing take what I have to give

An Itch

mysterious gurgling it can't be rain extinguish fire wash off ash water gardens walls below ground level all for art alive magic of directing arises people living transformed until the scene ends thank Gracie feel time's gravity a dribble swim indoor out haircut chef going bald an itch another day without dinner

Dare Anything

Schoenberg Brahms dare anything my sliding reality familiar they buy it works like classical music every note in place harmonized melodic utterly strange what architecture interpenetrating levels no sound privacy each clatter dishes phone pretend silence talk easily go out rehearsal alive spend self freely trust intention clear even to me

Each Kind

well launched fine food fellowship no nays what is true living circumstances smile so fortunate our virtue easy love hard work each kind reward grace us precious time that it could be will be other unbearable compassion so much suffering world beyond gods imagining multitudinous individual billions being only ourselves

Why Not

third leg short ever more familiar landscapes ever more cluttered basement quarters sumptuous Djokovic beat Federer not at his best here everything in readiness boys practicing twisting flips off sea wall onto sand girl throwing ball dog fetching boy flying kite short string patience ocean cold under warm sun why not enjoy

Motel Queen

voices outside solitary susceptible nothing but driving state capitol like new 15 foot doorways dwarf normal persons diminished idea of glorious stature quaint we are small in vast ear sizzle always audible whatever else dizzy crooked on motel queen kid portion pasta gobbled too early how now fill hours awake rehearsals will complete days emphatic fast

Wide Vistas

after Eugene adhesion eases pull is forward wide vistas symbolize free hopeful enthused long road ahead welcome surprises remember zen what can surprise road symbolizes design intention predictable limits betrayal disaster failure of nerve cancel project depression ensues what me worry

Straight Down

pool children taught the motions of being themselves single-minded talk distraction is this me walking down the field or who I think someone thinks I am or wants me to be my looking at trees previously set up next year barn hidden the year after who crawling dry dirt cut grass dig out stones no one watching but God myself no distance between me and real doing why then feel this each child distinctive leap laugh one akimbo comic one flies one stocky Asian drops straight down

Tender Friends

hearts minds meet over dinner desire warming tender friends ourselves if no one else quite something here beyond time edit meeting natural work joy sincere aim innocent persons can we concur enough to move forward yes we now know how

Teen Insight

talked out how can any subject unfurl so exhaustingly exhaustively my dear friends eased smoothly out the door everything is interesting dog-foxes air marshals opera what do I want to talk about yearning to communicate literature Coetzee Sebald one's own efforts exchanges rare and precious teen insight poor fragment attention kisses are the language of love a line I've said before our own ideas briefly blossom mutual appreciation bliss

Back Seat

idle finality disengaging flagrant ideas William Gibson in the back seat of a car various brilliant insights whimsy tricks we don't know more than we did before though knowing changed basically lost millions for cleverness unpredictable results something happens someone gets rich others do worse than ever I look over shoulder leave it all behind imagine Albuquerque son city future

More Real

more real is always better Julian photographing his grandmother's wrinkled nature mature complexity dead bird mouse grey all over tail feathers tipped yellow individual memory snatches fragments does anything avail pyramids prove but do not convey lost time possible dream actual sensation being you me anyone badly described more real is always better

Last Week

we marched in the Homer parade carrying the tail of the peace dove which flew wildly boldly fresh wind almost lifting Patrick nine smiled at from the sidewalks all through town reeling take a break before I pass out finished printing out my book played solitaire until I won cooked a fairly elaborate dinner entertained albeit the pleasantest Oregon friends whoo-ee write something mainly sit down this this last week before I go off weeks other stuff happening else- where I am is the source of the blog albeit expanding contracting moment

Dump Truck

First Friday our small town booming just don't boom on us the back yard safe it's the front I worry about farm land doomed meanwhile huge machines out back stakes dump truck earth- movers sculpt in barn shadow gravel drains for horses' feet bins manure I am not involved I trust and nothing will be seen

Ancient Light

off to the hinterland would I go no whither projects already nowhere whether asked I cannot pay myself reminiscing reflecting ancient light no struggle won cooperative myth that this this is worth fighting for that it makes a story satisfies me

Bird Flies

peace people's bird flies copycat cone art people distributing logistics home move sprinkler evening cooling Scenes from Childhood day of small urgency passages of exquisite harmony editing Johnny book all there I choose to tell ripening pears tomatoes my dramatic intentions watching two shows at once

High Wire

will it confuse the audience I am playing with the audience no irony north of San Francisco it doesn't make sense anyway what does we are balanced relative order vs utter chaos as if on high wire tiptoeing earth whirling beneath feet

On It

costume joy Mary Gibson made the call fearing rejection do without not rejected after all ain't life funny just mosey along think right do right on it book progress too open mike lined up in my absence leave it clean finite tasks happy results our own garlic zucchini leftover chili almost finished with the Second World War last peaceful summer appreciated

Ground Swells

once a coherent metaphor or symbol begins to take shape the surrealist impulses take over and nonsense ensues is this my ideal yes the style most tickling meanwhile lost in serious as if we have no control our lives among millions one or two geologic time winks and nothing is changed sentimental self-interest rise above practical cats unhappy winter grimly get through barn chores erections words arise attenuated blood brothers never speak parallel solitaries rely momentum carry water ground swells warm nonlethal attractive fabrication here and at a distance patience perseverance medicated equanimity despised recourse as if ends mean anything regular pleasures sufficient exercise occasional trips then nothing else ever again recover appetite material follow-through escape to warmth civilization consciousness of history and all it suggests artesian memories contest present empty poised enrapturing blackbirds belie abstraction red or yellow winged particular landscapes as if home truly becomes the way we are spoken each other's anchor foundation any do fullness do patterns like aerial acrobatics and poetry in French

Clean House

how to have fun dream wake up stretch breathe eat read play music work walk swim drive do things with other people explore feelings ideas make things happen help them help the general situation embrace reality specifically clean house

Body Parts

air twittering ears on hiss whistle feedback fan perpetual rushing flaps projecting sizzle press move changes breath at nostrils fine distinctions quail too many body parts live as if their own truth united in my being

Born Free

Re-Genesis born free necessary name more than oneself if not non-profit executive committee born naturally breathe phone make lists think plan peace people what do everybody now knows terrible unforgivable blunder older couple comfortable bed house life full days hearts darling offspring

Good Shake

my auto-dérive took me unexpectedly into mountains I don't know where I am you're in Springwater where is that hungry I ate Colson Café grilled cheese good shake Paul can't do costumes can I do without I made a schedule wardrobe person key this where I fail teamless harrowing first rehearsal inspired script in dream children emphatic forgotten dimension gradually accepted I blossom cook play

Spare Me

tiny flicker of letting go crystal timer finally aligned merge universal energies atomic interstellar vegetal distinct transition driving to music Eno ambient suits my mood if that's what it is damped swings spare me anxiety component rather slip away immaterial focus later on classics then things to do catch up engage mindful space created others touched something from nothing arises alive despite no one to talk to but you

Must Learn

my failings include collaboration I mostly fly solo seemingly impatient need be too what to attract co-leaders to my projects tell me what to do they say ha someone take initiative short on practice sharing vision details being president must learn Sidney put up tree swing imagined years girls laughing sunlight grandma pushes happily grilling al fresco classic summer

Lemon Chiffon

they like me playing the piano how pleasing I am not indifferent to the effect I have presenting my heart this my thrust obsession pleasure young girls playing Legos big blue ball fierce interaction mellow elders cooking I help try build peace dove play music wash up lemon chiffon

Just Okay

Kelley stood circle had us all give her advice consejo for her year in Mexico loving community long friends I new join dance Santana work day finish mowing set stones more sand swim nothing else kids Jet Bluing in tonight I miss airport run no room car home movie fine I am here and people come and go and so do I money flowing balance just okay now who can tell what multiplying details mean or when

See Believe

that I am obsolete embrace real still enjoyed blast of New York energy ambition youthful virile self-interested roomful myself included thanks Mark so it is I used to want but now I don't glad to come home never liked full-time anything see believe truth now my private chamber stage undiscovered Strindberg

All Over

messages from all over I love the internet I can stay home and not be isolated not too cell phone in my pocket interrupts Schumann not just who it is but what they say what it wakes in me shattered community regroups new time becoming nothing lost connections proliferate ever young replacing fallen friends in other countries fresh ringtone generation

Even Good

Living Theatre at Ground Zero courageous friends continue to speak out heroic fools Keegan's World War II evil aims incoherent wastage misery spreading even good harm tender gums expiring sun overlarge sheet bad choices reflexive nothing can recover and yet we live forward smallish pleasures consolation unfolding arise regroup go on

Soap Spray

get past these instrumental preoccupations back to pure language exploit noun-adjective- verb ambiguity gorgeous mosaic English love games relax let seriousness go moment play birds in ceiling O.K. but not bugs nasturtiums dahlias attack soap spray Rose Defense hope eat flowers peppery garden weeded mulched enjoyed rain thank who participate that again

Solid Sand

intense sushi bonds father son celebrates successful fishing trip includes dip oyster tasting ocean rich people's condos fancy French houses clutter shore waves keep rolling waters kelp small stones underfoot solid sand easy return

Magic Wrinkles

oh don't put that confusion in my mind I can handle it but why persist in driving me crazy heat cool ocean breeze downtown encounters magic wrinkles instant changes number game later we'll meet we'll be together eating drink champagne or whisky toss aside remembered slights acknowledge footprints wince another dollar saved contract executed cast complete

Delayed Response

garden reflects reframing improved meetings phoning craigslist crazies messages delayed response do what it takes I do neighbors house repose Beethoven Sibelius fives Tate Lobero Music Academy orchestra pure thrill now never mind yesterday's anyone else's better more popular art fact is

Amid Art

multitudes marking Mercy's ninetieth converse amid art who stops to look assumes our spontaneous existence effortless flight converging sweetly Alfred understands the fishing metaphor is apt impossible without the fish

Dim Lights

president of poetry dishonored honorific inevitable innocents inarticulate hopeful my fantasy theatre real Santa Barbara give me actors a room I'll give you a play dim lights glimmer can battered eyes adjust a quiet music stubbornly continues act publicly counter frightened isolation task accomplished will have to satisfy

Thin Shade

a certain expectant and spontaneous response to existence Léaud learning how to do things one at a time no expecting then whatever it is unfolds exactly as expected the retreat philosophical semesters too long thin shade eager friends

Too Hot

casting is the hardest part imagining anyone will give me weeks that I can make it interesting enough rewarding fun enough art enough what kind of person am I too hot a day for anything still I make a few calls leave messages tomorrow morning cool studio usable I'll work on the script attention helps what is appreciate once I have actors unearth meaning life real work begin

On the Air

a finger touch changes executed Chinese minister to Corelli car follows road through populous night after wild Walt Curtis KBOO hour high on booze poets calling in every five minutes look at me he said on the air I'm a homosexual my age long gray grizzled only his small soft handshake tells me anything I know he performs himself good show

Impossibly Trivial

chug city back three times two days Shannon visit yesterday poetry show tonight worked afternoon so enjoy free days scheme dream write few words refer anything materializes consequences slowly deliquesce public utterance joins conscious beings few among many respond anything else impossibly trivial

Playing Keeps

thinking doing in between empty mind ready acts in motion awaiting responses e-mails messages maturing intentions go fan time stark new revolutionary letters how it is di Prima sees old friends still slim shadow Wimbledon playing keeps

Road Noise

Hertzberg tells on Cheney harm done good people all over what do they do think mean how do they live raise energy why on earth so many messes long working soon wrecked Quinault biggest spruce fir can't learn which which rain forest maple trail new trees grow fallen trunks stumps moss all spun positive Hurricane Ridge spectacular landscape ferry pleasant Victoria Canada Royal B.C. Museum fascinating history Butchart Gardens better imagined "our" hotel café Nanaimo bastion ferry wind fierce mountains development hell survive traffic transit beautiful fertile Fraser valley farms funnel rugged peaks cozy Ts'qó:ls crazy spelling salmon cedar fine life gone forgiven Japanese Canadians crossing border slow back empty roads small-town parody lunch Seattle fountain play music voices too sober Indian dinner Zeke terrific sculpture park Rem Koolhaas architecture library program way complex not looks but how it works makes feel art museum Taste enough eat greens head out too fast hot hours road noise ready home

About Will

do I want to do it at all is the question I want to have fun like Robert Altman in "Prêt-à-Porter" another Kansas City boy talent like that outrageously full of themselves takes dozens hundreds I'm one reading "Speer The Final Verdict" thinking about will

Saks Pajamas

fear of clarity everything turning into cliché callow shallow water none taken in this is the way it feels cheap Zinfandel suits me say what you will in Saks pajamas I feel like a king in exile in a Swiss hotel no smart-alecky remarks wan self-referential wit flip incoherent dialogue sincerity sine qua non

Past Moot

puzzle calms meeting madness trees trash car revision lightens pretentious obscurity cyc handy actress vacations with husband friends meet for movie rainbow cheers large leaf infested aphids final verdict renders past moot

Go Looking

across the country father and son on the 25th floor the elevator is the size of a small fireplace unthinkable my hips up there a community college rooms crowded with vapidly cheery young people milling we find the woman she shows us our rooms windowless plywood cubicles too small for a bed you are a very stupid administrator I must have a room at least as large as yours with a window to the outside go looking a section for animals strange white wax knobs sheep suggestion of vile experiments outside with a techie kid I am always writing hide small tape recorders here and there playing tapes in my shoulder bag a paper with various notes one in someone else's handwriting big disks masters of classical repertory a turntable playing would destroy them they are already warped put them back in their sleeves I like this one he says a poem back to the west

Unified Creation

insecure I give away pieces to others then don't like what they do I never learn better off doing it myself know what I have in mind unified creation rolling summer cool up here Maine like Minnesota Adirondacks escape Missouri humid heat ideal vacation for a lucky kid hot afternoon windy "Part of the charm that the Keith brothers had for Frederick was that they were honest-to-God gentlemen who could be treated as equals without becoming uppish and could be counted on not to have hurt feelings or to suffer ill-concealed agonies of jealousy." (Nancy Mitford, "Frederick the Great")

Poor You

when picking roses expect to be pricked don't complain it's part of the bargain or do without poor you such a drab life

On Stage

no surprises more even jumping rut I know how to plan gaily daring fate will get me prostate joints teeth lung stones how bad can be some shocks otherwise I've been where I'm going work yields progress all characters unmoored except by circumstance yet someone is there in each being actual possible dreamed expiring on stage to validate our parking

Sitting Down

the art of sitting down more often Beatles go further tomorrow no Tom nice try confidence something will happen who what perfect release party nature smiling poets enjoyed each other my pleasure hosting shyly missed moment tout Fast Books hanging out recurs friends warm day special legs made it dream Sam chance visit curious house wake ache chilly

Old Friends

there they are my old friends from the Living Theatre 1966 the whole company (except Judith) in Bertolucci's "Agonia" what a surprise to find them still existing on the little screen embodying the time impeccably sincere any irony was mine Julian dying all uncredited how fond I am of their memory

Checking In

widespread allergies extravaganza another worst year ever reportedly fun drumming djembe African two bell tam conga Shiva drum wailed Maine wedding August scrambles conjugal visit Santa Barbara can't miss each other night comfort day passing commenting checking in

Summer Duties

becoming real by attaching persons grass cut screen door perfectly fitted summer duties before solstice drum circle Grange potluck not my scene but I can stay with Mercy rehearse Victoria Hall Paul signed costume characters afloat in space and light introducing Suzy spice bean salad few clothes better let skin breathe

Even Writers

the wrong people suffer doers protect themselves who deserve punishment who are genuine bad guys never artists or musicians actors even writers do no harm maybe bad feelings poor imagination dulling limits untested sympathy too many calls for tears

Only Miracles

practice talking think together ala Bohm Dialogue Friends' active listening easy window washing long handles no ladder salient catfight absent issue beautiful Visages des Enfants innocence unhappy whole village mobilized only miracles can save them and do shabby stable unconditioned survival

One Too

driving socializing poetry music landscape food good conversation with one two three not more I eavesdrop excluded not really yet really apart generational cohistory exercising amid lappers imagining peers I never was more comfortable writerly solitude peering out are you one too

Long Lines

to write long lines Dan Raphael says breathe his gust a torrent of images passions witty formulations deep too unexpectedly terror shadowed rising above beyond more windows spacious largeness encompassing warmth home town leggy girls in leotards out running in the dark successful publisher-writer dinner sisters thrilling conversation nighttime sightseeing Gove County Philharmonic soundtrack I am Michelle Bachelet every contribution helps

Join Me

items no people books narrow argh clean windows help light through eyes water strain see sniffle sneeze orchestra seats metaphor for what music dream millions art employ persuasion fails energy available who will join me have a good time

Armed Men

new black meaning killing themselves goombah planet plague renewal available houses land armed men sinking finale go on be trivial truth be damned many calls zero results welcome busy elsewhere comet dust can I do better keeping at it what else is

Let's Meet

if diligence were all fear failure stopless novel choreography let's meet in real life petals money a tiny leaf return address dates casting travel effortless guacamole grass grows art too moves calls hoping imagined action who trust script one other

Lose Again

get out of my dreams you're dead it makes me feel bad I wake expect new lose again fail mourning who has time fact past forgetting you live somewhere else all right no doubt existing random love

Vital Food

studio refactored no more excuses distractions cultivated impressions vital food human interaction I was wearing a human skin though you wouldn't know it loose flattering my own lithe form time improved

Too Far

you don't know how far you can go until you go too far something will turn up you will do what you do whatever anyone says write every day even the little I produce is too much to read no market existing making play

Do More

edenic housekeeping could consume our meditation maximizing natural advantages we flatter ourselves digester bacteria gasping we register sewage smell smile anyway new floor hardening mellowing Bach watch tennis bicycle post office mow move summer furniture sweep watch opening Tarkovsy "Sacrifice" Jack Kornfield Buddha thought demands rigorous rethink fuzzy president fantasy go further do more

Candle Lit

knowing optimism bias how dare do anything still doing proceeds studio floored play barreling down matches played heedless professional obliging once foreground resolves what am I really doing what are you is anyone or is it background I am a character in my own movie set candle lit zoning threat recedes raspberry acres across the street not becoming factory some change due neighbors dying to sell too bad deer did in raspberries

Waist High

French Open floor weather video ranges "The End of the Affair" "Dersu Uzala" we can't complain peonies strawberries gold finches lupin waist high displaying form quick lines dip air descenders ascenders capitals for sentences names vary texture book piles move somewhere else equally

Oddly Soft

round over till it breaks tractor overheats tuner loses channel breaks up smoothly anticipate air kiss mutual appreciate exemplifies good will this week cork work dominates slowly fill my corner oddly soft

Tail Feathers

pie master next door good friends help me do what health mobility Netflix mowing yard sale season that too doom consensus not a radical accidental adventitious fortuitous obvious bloody rot a snipe tail feathers warble night gradually engulfs our faltering commitment ripening compost

Say Hello

iris ink attacks antique green water awaits a.m. supplements adjust well art excuses carrying on like Bresson "Dames" or we know each other too well to say hello perhaps

Be Brave

after dinner sun glamorizes hill farms winters unspeakably dreary wet cold isolated loves hilltops valleys darken my play plausible not quite finished final gesture defiant optimism reality lies our fate be brave embrace denial

Who Win

age tells true tiring new clothes don't fool self eyes assessment irreversible real work half exhausted still know how who win maintain is enough perfection evaporates secret aim forever subscription expired woo window closed saint someone else

First Sun

Hinrich rescues me again similarly stiff but game to think cork fight glue push through obstacles relish working together certain personal affinity lives happily repeatable pool sparkles first sun then bending to enough

Friends' Eggs

idyllic picnic beside the creek running old new trees rising Catalonian blanco friends' eggs home artichokes my slaw gibbous moon over the barn affection flows Edith Wharton Graham Greene new puritans dish marriage live alone life becomes what is the right person you actually enjoy and still be yourself free flowering seize the kind evening

All Meaning

I don't feel like working, and why should I, it is Sunday of a holiday weekend, is this work? Instantly it is, I don't care, I need something to do, even "Figaro" did not long catch me. Chocolate, the body, roses and peonies aglow in clouded light, fan filtering bedroom air. All meaning in work with words neglects meaningful being waking moments in places.

Standard Form

not me set stone in sand I watch willing perfect fit leveling match some standard form narrative sleight happily murder four Impromptus publishing initiative warm exchange before Couperin who asks I only speak in English words

It Works

real scare talk to them Achilles Brad Pitt it works rehearsing five plays imagine too much do it glue cork ask for money casting act they will come

Shooting Rats

where have I been well across the high desert Hotel Diamond talkative fellow humans watching birds shooting rats thrill cross vast empty west I wanted home bed body thinking all the time about play writing energy robbed blog draft now done new old let sit work on my new cork floor ready gluing please not me twenty-two did Helen Merrill's look where that led who floor mine

News Care

empty ceremony touching friends loose ends clean another moment whose offspring convey news care meaning arbitrary space will heal creative crunch time's traveler far beyond accessible networks form praise imagine determined future

Both Dead

submerge turkey in bourbon cook? pickle? whatever works bicycle red blue or chrome buy 2 get 10% off ask Johnny going down the stairs with Peter both dead I know yes warlike music fake houses nouveau riche so retro now just because we don't like it won't stop it from going on some like jazz taste no virtue avert eyes anywhere you go

On Time

context disassembled congruent pattern broken mended same as ever sequence repeating pattern minded sex text fretted smoking lifetime radio regret free arrived on time matchless vacuum can be met rejected such the dream

Generic Excuses

rezoning threatens raspberry patch across the street would be industrial our peaceful beeping construction hubbub planner no leader consultants apply generic excuses back still hurting gutter scrubbing twist Dr. Chris helps swim with children bind books boy editor abruptly gone file form nonprofit English at 42 loving improved

Regrets Only

archiving myself to what end compulsion desideratum my integrity write living willful print publish embarrassing frank sincere actuality itself defensible real isn't always this Iraq Afghanistan fiasco et al. screwed up leadership regrets only private spared

Early Peonies

death follows not denying long life more to register are we like 35 our leaps beginning not yet wed or childed freely realized only today I then thought half this follows extra possibilities dawning early peonies prevail

Beyond Self

here come's the cottonwood cotton fan on paint demoss pumphouse my back can suddenly give out I hobble around stiffly feel my age ignore it (sitting) accept all writing Alfred too wants a new play by me something being done in New York Peculiar Works benefit my name on e-poster I suggested a few website has texts please read put them on imagination feeds on action craves extension beyond self all included

Speak Love

word glut everything words learning fonts what is this Georgia 13 what is Georgia what do with the beautiful letters communicate speak love Matthew Carter 1996 getaway set we can relax enjoy iris warming spring English children now 28 more on Tuesday happily reconfidenced all May to play then June no slouch

Your Story

daytime dim dither order cork tiles clean drawer windows drifting whither Judith BNVAR gift what is your story why this not expected please tell me what happened

Parallel Comfort

continuity familiarity personalization drama manipulable longings long implanted slow to change new media deepen refer assumptions sacrificing innocents ancient practice lives on no David rational is not real you wish so we all perceive our unity in witnessing cynic learned self parted other restored in parallel comfort

Actual Drama

reality too absorbing always something chores pleasures duties movies patience music how can fantasy compete solitude exhausted ready rise together better do I dare let anything happen my characters have lives protected from actual drama think about it a little here and there too

Creek Walk

wind rushing trees spontaneous creek walk wet after rain fresh airs what words can do what stage sit down to write idea asudden there problem solved all left to do is do it night sounds rushing bangs dim fear rises muffled pillow read imagine somewhere is someone else empty house only spiders me free fantasy body actual matrix possessed

One Man

everything we can get we eat one man supporting eleven to conquer your freedom at last the rain on fertilizer sons to call in a rush going what to say come closer bright for comedy laugh change a gel come home screen "Wild Side" soulful film by Sebastien Lifshitz shot by Agnes Godard we are nowhere doing time

Do This

late Prokofiev still fresh beautiful more happens last April here alone Artemis daydream Astarte Aspasia civic realism feeble cinema fantasy seen clearly multicolored effusion hurry home the iris are blooming a chill a disappointing manuscript same old stalemate another writer meanwhile a different solution is found off hook "Door Open Shut" of Alfred de Musset Alfred Count if I want write play if not do this

Ten Whats

angst-free lighting perfection abandoned too late worry better not "violently funny" anything readable everything contrived so beautiful afternoon sun sewer smell place only where you are crossing into Canada repeated effort write ten whats then on to the next recurrent phase as goat cheese sprinkler germinating seeds thanks Stafford van Itallie method good

Me Doing

me doing no distance interested or not no faking it seriously driveway socks waxing moon

Our Gains

Stephen Hawking eight times weightless today go for it only a few great men lead forward more make pain from ego harm built in gravity rules other possibilities rise above danceability my arms enough no weapons needed this peacetime precious consolidate our gains come home to earth

Silent Night

airport spiral character concepts (driving) stock up on goodies serious nap a few more lines chicken curry one act sufficient two poor movies and hopefully the parameters of everyone's life can become larger silent night

Speak Up

obligatory verbiage emerges on cue after years meeting deadlines I can if called answer if neglected speak up application refreshes ideation absent here going puzzle awaits coming back resume dear routine I will be idle recover busy begun commit rent theatre pay deposit

My Chosen

more real with you though I can't explain what I mean I love you care be here in worry joy woe inconvenience travel plans revised across the table you my chosen easily decide the mousse excellent changing life outside

Odd Lives

phrases fly past fast image bubbles mind flickers last festival gala feast six more poets too much just enough we manage not all enthuse each one still all reward attention engage speaking cleverly open up odd lives receptive enriched

Red Tie

intense community role-playing afoot unremarked red tie RL jacket too darn big joy know marvelous people richly distinct each woes loves tribute eros respite welcome after swim facilitate midcourse correction nap revived for dinner even add something welcome my question is write with no readers

Start Now

cloud seahorse duck pure exuberance make dinner fourteen chicken more done enough now fully empowered can't dance but good at dishwashing thanks Lawson Inada Thich Nhat Hanh mindful here now so much to be done that I can't do never started start now

Like Brahms

in China criticism is love Blogger transition solved thank you Google Blogger what a gift to this writer rolling through the poetry festival serious personae formidable commitment idle pleasure like Brahms

Blue Sky

what you want to find is there dream dissolves real returns he stumbles on the stair falls you catch lightly ease down green leaves against blue sky won't tell you his name looks through your checkbook his vaguer leads you astray pink dogwood tiny appealing to better instincts beyond hope

Stay Tuned

blind blog Blogger revamped post foiled John help other possibilities stay tuned anyone poet open reading equally valid I read final section "American Baby" '75 tended mike friendly eminence enjoyed Molly's macaroon listened closely to all

New Respect

City Hall scarlet singlet lost lower depth no office but cell may I use this desk eyes daubed black chase prankster lost crowd Hotel Delano too rich perfect White House view new respect viola Britons "21 Up" lost decades painfully recalled my own pitiful easily justifying wrong choices inevitable disillusionment anything can happen then we die

Time Works

dreaming about him too anguishing often strange scenario picturesque overcoat city overlapping character our own so unsophisticated sparse and what about the way we used to feel hopeful personally perfectible well time works work strenghtens wears will flails against resistance

Natural Courage

festival words multiple person worlds already overwhelmed reading hearing trying to understand each vocabulary aims open experience reflection light miscellaneous morning poets evening pros new mike much better crowd sun Wright room Jim Shugrue Lisa Steinman Dorianne Laux Tess Gallagher perform poems met Tess last week at Paulann's party wondrous person people words to celebrate life thinking speaking to connect show worth natural courage

Second Nature

give up then it happens they all say so we have books 18 more coming ISBN recovered in trash life farce "Aventurera" make fun women fierce no such melodrama real seasoning subtle sly virtuosity won by focus second nature what is first before letters words thought collected bound

Boom Boom

anxiety of having a party seven or fourteen events ahead boom boom whether or not books poets people not even individuals come so far off cliff everything is imaginary if you see it so it is itself manifest Vonnegut understood the situation as well as anyone added buoyancy open eyed knowing nothing cures only kindness now reach wider smaller as numbers rise all lost begin again fresh this moment

Kill Moss

theatre rug pulled out don't think about it fond grasping aside I gather the driz and poet all by the mess grizzled black molder pouring information presence kill moss bring back grass and poet all by the mess fingering notes faster Schumann Brahms windiest of seasons lentils leeks and poet all by the mess

Serious Opinion

it's all irrelevant history is farce serious opinion repeats idiocy ill-picked dull my own view identical music purer temper wishes it real offhand will sorting values declines rich preconception

Old View

final revision long form this style disconcerting reimmerse old view do I still see believe things same surely not self world are changed what would I say now we'll soon see scared as ever what to trust own mind connives to reassure blur justify obsolete confusion

Spring Rain

children grow up lives continue writers gather spring rain lilacs chocolate takes different forms survival accrues respectability at least something is enough for someone else coming next week to be present and pay attention to whatever arises whoever appears book in hand the beyond professional artist executes intentional cues leave further explanation outdoors

Far Worlds

poet man in pool play man in mind architect dreamer driving in the rain natural sense color rhythm shape space not smell good ears less reliable seeing others have lives far worlds I envy Bohemia Paris any vernacular cottage concluding episode harsh hardly abrupt fog swirls in pale dissolves nothing

True Culture

reading poetry to the people the bank ababble folkloric dancers dressing Mexican Native American Chilean Argentine Christopher reads Heine Hölderlin Goethe in high German translates Kelley embodies Dorothy Parker I offer Eliot after all these years true culture appreciative community

Grass Attack

new phone grass attack kill moss lime help mow summer like new mike test barn first book binding issues shared vision John good feeling looking book ahead encouraging moves cast David Laurel alternate spendy only forward

No One

globalization means Americanization of the planet no one wants that this pattern unsustainable lonely consumptive both ends burnt separate manipulated politicians never mention art beauty transcendant meaning profound satisfactions of ordinary being power kills ingenuity in weapons treasure spent on destruction imposition our shallow will humanity is close at hand within each grasping is our lower course defined by dollars bosses buying wanting bad already here other cultures richer as they are

Going Again

pumice scouring stick brown ring toilet bowl gone private writing makes raga disappear paper source mystery solved fuzzy slippers 49-cent fleece jacket feeling virtuous twelve pounds lighter still dieting Lent still cold pool warm current mild why unpack going again everything easy to say so secret is right sweater attitude action in good time

Regular Features

moon full cold clatter horse blankets dryer after Brahms reading Redon compromised paper cover diy strikes regular features tulip reds yellows brightest aurora lunaria spectrum selectively visible stars changing future ready everything expecting the best

All Nothing

vulnerable body multiple systems sites and if it rains in the afternoon then it is most pleasant not to have the feeling that you have to do anything sunny three degrees below normal we are always searching for the right path and are always on it already or have a crazy idea all your life a single crazy idea listening reading looking that's all nothing compared with this one single crazy idea Bernhard

Fresh Will

"depart from established expectations and wipe the slate clean each day" unitary brain function memory needs attention key rules don't apply perish trap inertia gravity matrix past future identify made mistakes fresh will eyes good intention focused burns through everything existing

Extreme Ants

fragments "Immortal Beloved" "Sisters Rosensweig" love confusion fly over Moldau London neighborhoods pretty little backyards aerial companions lost land softly whole day soft extreme ants where go what do movies plays write read music phoning shopping at home library garden walk off into mountains if I could walk silent emptiness arising illumination simple holy blissful here

Wild Excitement

win win back to Brush Creek no hard feelings necessary something to light mail brochures write letters so the day goes still chilly surrounded by flowers beyond Brahms bees literary art film endless possibilities recur new forms this others behind hype happen pity miss peril virtuosity wild excitement

No Fear

letter returned Remy moved on marches time dancing same moves again again like a very complicated mechanical clock cell talker snubs cop no manners no fear meticulous detail our pleasure in the making

Mouse Nest

back from Rome proofreading poetry different voices take me away Haydn rain on skylight incense against mouse nest stink necessary expenses extend Alfred e-mail glad let's do it fill life full

Spring Chill

tug bedspread flat shut powder room door polish mirror wipe kitchen counters dust piano is this working pick up carpet nibs fluff pillows alphabetize books iron watch surreal tv a minute cross legs consider life imagine play vague spark idea rush actual logistics money energy organize months while waiting studio warm spring chill

Classical Ground

pondering the transcience of human dream tiny dandelions multiply sick past adrift present classical ground Cicero novelized learn how movies work villainy uncorrectable justice too late broken heart half mended single flavors merge music hardly heard mind senses precede sense saving papers for my day in court

Extreme Adagio

seek find dictionary stand birthday return magnifying glass shelf hear see fine thanks extreme adagio like a cashmere embrace warming do it again again Brahms happy but alone inspired Anne light intuition strong as Wagner ferocious final dress best seat around me empty in groove practical tasks fall to the tipping globe

My Circle

Bach 322 solstice drum circle celebrate color warmth new beginnings returning birds nesting lambs kits my studio back where is my circle why don't I have one departure for Paris fraught ambiguity entangled vague chilled discomfort do something call Maurie discuss budgets new play developing well inside the egg

Call Me

pangs of memory menace of boredom fear of impending catastrophe love soldiers art tears joy thanks Andre Aciman "Call Me" John Cameron Mitchell "Shortbus" tenderness our best strength feeling for oneself others sweet looks embraces

My Name

not interesting except perhaps to one you calling my name to from solitude not greatly or I'd have more fans who love desire my words thoughts body pouring more for any juices fruiting mindful music in an empty forest

Hazard

history is wars what else is new and plagues these pleasant interludes a brief no it usually happens elsewhere soul's whereabouts hazard fate exact reality unfolds you find yourself here bombs helicopters ruin pain grief fear no daffodils mowing quiet mourning continued diligent alertness manifest

Cut Once

false positive thinking mothered exemplary confused the modern self among others who care less think twice cut once convene jury inner judge last word incomparable emotion mist theatrical colors accumulated errors misconstrued virtues what would you do what retroactive meds heal misunderstanding

Not Forever

capacity crunch millions more flying madness unnatural humans can't fly artificial energy splurge not forever expecting everywhere all complain day drift less eating let yourself be

Spring Cleaning

falling plate flying train apart filing spring cleaning paint floor quotidian void can't stop there swim meet talk drive Portland dinner Anne here lighting Wagner meaning pattern glimmer hide reminding me I know you love heart beating

What Else

romantic dinner date recurrent some things improve with age meanwhile play delayed no trip Santa Barbara spring first robin new colors what else am I to do Johnny book finished move on only oneself viva la revolución

Whose Pain

how are we different still here paying taxes trying to be real as if our democracy works Iraq is Bush's Poland how are we different Leni Riefenstahl more energetic more artist more craft obsessed friendlier with power how are we different these are not moral distinctions nation changing falling pit killing bombing hope how different are we whose pain can feel

Yum Yum

eating elephants giant sloths mammoths yum yum acorns wild nuts berries camas roots wild onions steelhead eel gone elk squirrels rabbits raccoons deer still no going back too many humans would fight two generations hence what little remains undone by stupid burial mounds leveled parking knowing better doesn't help conscience comfort

Accident Report

A fully loaded cement truck fell off a ramp and squashed his little Honda like a bug. The steering linkage suddenly let go on an outside curve on southbound U.S. 1 in Big Sur and he bounced down the rock face into the Pacific. A gasoline tanker going too fast down the Grapevine rolled over on him and burst into flames. Drive less.

Good Luck

Mexicans stopped by the highway cop cars flashing one unmarked cops doing their misguided job human tragedy feel pall spread Mexican at Aquatic Center asks me phone for him apologetic limited English learn location applying for a job good luck Mexican workers needed here sincerely trying making lives cruel pinch drive speed limit hide lie low sell out go back

Where Else

right left both wrong where else can we go how anywhere finish decline recline sorry live in past relishing Beethoven remember prior masters present opportunity as good "Of all the enemies of public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded, because it comprises and develops the germ of every other. War is the parent of armies. From these proceed debts and taxes. And armies, debts, and taxes are the known instruments for bringing the many under the domination of the few." (James Madison)

Your Eyes

scattered restless sap rising too many books no attention projects completing opening further needs opportunities no matter time life ordered ten ISBNs lifetime publisher on writing who will read no meaning without your eyes

Just About

monitory minatory hortatory stochastic word poetry that just about covers it book draft done everything in I can think of reiteration years in the writing overjoyed another month editing then I can fly away apart imagine something else direct Alfred acting what where window opening art fun calling come out play

Our Job

grotesque Russian multiple realities no one wants go it's our job insulated valiantly denying needed imagining makes it so costless good intentions parading meet for coffee polish book sentimental me love my little life

Lovely Words

self-absorption to the nth Tom McCarthy "Remainder" weird trip chilling novel who else I know reads fiction some few at least then Frigyes Hidas Requiem right eye not focusing lush beauty power timeless texts loud thanks acoustic clouds home phone alone chicken mole rice medley broccoli so lovely words

Dog Fights

something funny uses of language exercises mind heart laughing heals "Amores Perros" harshly spare myself dog fights ill humor admire Beatrix Potter's practical effect Joan Acocella's vivid judgment snappy writing wise patient will

Serious Play

new theatre rules slap my face clueless younger try to grow up not much left of brotherhood art love high bliss making beauty appreciating fine distinctions will work for joy serious play

Clean Up

shelling neighborhoods now how can that help more fighters more fight duh bring them home find something constructive for them to do plenty needs clean up repair improve housing occupiers everybody's enemy we need them here

Warming Trend

Sooner or later we have to concede that romance is not what it should be but would be what it could be. spell alstroemeria measure warming trend falling stocks cashmere socks Turkish mysteries banal commercial questions rising love etc. morning hardon political travel documents long-range hope

My Own

cleaning the house takes me as long as Claudia all morning then I have to sit down and recover time elastic pool routine changed repairs syncopated rhythm days entirely my own

Simple Interest

The storks left Alsace during the war and many of them have remained in Spain. no date is this current information much once known is now forgotten simple interest if true seeks convey healing sounds restorative herbs I listen words come pages turned breath free on another schedule

Being True

not my duty to suffer too useless darken bright joy another harping ignorant Kucinich can speak about war for me right so what instead think something else reality transformed higher hidden being true

Dark Bed

dreams like Hamlet sudden turn weird dread body seized rise pee sip water dark bed still waits light read anything New Yorker better thinner more flex cold hand holding warm friend close

File Delivery

dental hygiene swimming poetry typing file delivery finally book moment billpay omelet solitaire Brahms "Porco Rosso" exquisite frolic return Christmas biscotti what can anybody make of that

Persian Food

"Volver" swoony aesthetic thrills paper search not easy Persian food zoom home through rain Mt. Angel unsurprised I like surprise if good past good choose what remember Spanish emotion if lucky spared trauma wake refreshed enriched complexity revealed in gesture

Try Again

another season shall I try again Julian as Bob Alfred Frank dream on their own lives elsewhere full hardly middle-aged reaching how else muster energy hard campaign who else to play hometown swim today hard rain sudden sun pool warm reviving gorgeous light if dreaming only scenery no drama poetry paper virtual words plied in patterns imaginary architect

Good Boys

I am so disciplined did exactly what I intended back work book John Dodd all good boys deserve praise bad boys don't always have more fun remember present resolves past gone still fondly dream figured nothing to do but wake

Soft Knives

The short walk to the gate Laughter falls like petals before our steps Once again we are made of gestures in the dark I do not wait too long Given air your laughter answers Your open lips meet mine Soft knives change me I remember the taste of your mouth Hands on your sides your face A breaking away Only voices in the dark

Even So

into the city and out fast a date well garlicked "Volver" sold out friendly talk about family feeling how government works badly rain softly just now resuming season march first buds early blooming smile again recover disappointment living even so

Everything Else

If you try to work backward, you'll quickly discover that everything is dependent on everything else. The essence of an existent is…the principle of the series [of appearances]. Subjectivity is competitive. Nothing may be better than something. Kick in the door.

Two Seconds

two minutes to write two seconds to read

Love Bridge

story Times sex ed old age neglects mention love sex is not just physical (releasing tension clearing tubes) pleasural (bodywise) instrumental (baby) sex best expresses love bridge other close trusting intimate passionate attraction tender fierce then soft together given over tropical island moment sex makes love makes sex sweet more love later

Future Desk

jammed up Helvetica make me write differently obligatory change jam up words too much else do write funders $$ script minutes checks file not to mention swimming personal concerns health etc. weather books movies solitaire eats p.o. shop drive around music news all bad best chocolate Le Noir Amer back to future desk

All Good

1980 affirmative 1968 too all good connections persist I wish I act something comes if I don't fix it who will no one wonders why we differ we are almost all the same imagination runs away with us mental constructs replace real affinity blood gratitude Measuring ourselves against the masters of the present, we regret nothing except our failure to prevail. (Robert Stone)

First Rejoice

wild heart fullness days such art releases attitude imagination leaps across footlights fellow leapers play conviction flaunt silliness tragic beauties how explain refresh my personality first rejoice

What Fits

just us again three city trips in three days too much car sitting alone I saw "Little Children" it stopped abruptly houselights music we waited quietly then started right where it stopped like life and epic poetry what fits is all there is not to be continued

Poets Know

Leonard Cohen OKs our using quote Tess Gallagher says yes to our event poets know what's important worth doing even if none of us knows what dangerous wrong Bush will do next even we three informed concerned responsible swim in history aghast ignorant boggled imperative unfurls I don't believe in power not the real

Niched Out

completely wasting time a little vital to my energy budget flow one thing after another too too legs pity mind seeing double Carol tackling dam danger no one else to do it how will they manage when we old folks are gone everything going to hell no curmudgeon I want to love the new always did niched out we are not who it is for more lost civilizations long forgot

Fine Carving

Egypt had time for fine carving slaves don't explain or religion altogether different yet beauty speaks direct across vast gulfs finest art first making whether repetition furthers crazy death beyond imagined god or kings intoxicated monumental gone

Less Future

hard to believe anything gets done time has stopped but it does Miss Chase written emailed invoiced poetry lists in the computer safe I hope everything finished leaves less future thinking up books to read or write movies view consider road trips hot springs mountain ranges languages never to be climbed or learned still satisfied local weather changes thought patterns opens access step on through

Ever Slower

doing anything is too much trouble how fun otherwise ever slower more gap imagine actual work showing up all day three children year after year even retired hours short flash blue techno rescue Schubert fifteen age unfortunately mind is in the body forever now belies all expectation

Water World

between islands no landmarks water world moving never still oil soap drying floor Dvorak 8 10 minutes barn dinner shining after illness normal life again winter rains checks blue flash research other obligations stay up late snag friend late Jet Blue

Two Heads

If you've ever talked to somebody with two heads you know they know something you don't. (Diane Arbus) so talk about writing two dream workshops Diane di Prima Sam Shepard cries breakfast anxiety proved correct Peter Sears better real too write this that revise improve do tricks collective intelligence anyone can but do they not necessarily reach around with your left hand and pat yourself on the back if you can

What About

Shaw's wacky characters come go jabbering like mad what fun we had in short I'm basically better thank heaven ready for all-day writing what about not so level prairies deer fences plumbing repairs too usual full moon brightness amazes graham crackers gingery Mozart or the war generals dubious hedging no way back damage not undoable

Solitaire

solitaire is soothing I forget I'm sick while the hand plays out Canfield or old-fashioned patience putting off real feeling doing anything nothing reading Alice Hoffman New Yorker horror stories everything loses its charm conviction point I can't stay bed stop being even this must count better later grapes then lapse fear dreams woozy warpage dull flat type address lists stand up oops tomorrow theatre if I dare to go

Being Sick

vitamin C echinacea goldenseal ephedra tea Yin Chiao pills + usual St. John's wort Mega Men joint formula fish oil I really hate being sick only gradually happier as day wears on work a little defeated by Word finish Wendy Wasserstein "Elements of Style" what an odd touching performance I dream of New York whisky aspirin for night stay up late as I can

Memory Foam

still January gas dependent electric schedule even staying home tense neck tired eyes tasty curry cognac toast our poetry book yes heated seats ASR mystery button a question of tooth memory foam is it a con job sleep as well in summer

Fine Linen

undue slowness give in have cold I am not the one listening Poirot boy radio dark iron fine linen guest towels give up normal days repeating smile be happy in love again still ourselves rare well done briefly apart

At Capacity

Icelandic symphony Japanese music Long Island eloquence dog love naps "Butterfly" CPR training coincident too me for more routine at capacity free Sabbath rove centuries world here now seasoned sunshine oaks expand further writing past present limits attempt Everest before youth forgets context bless parents genes enough or not art something else practical chores build strength no different soul body only real time

Not Us

Hrant Dink editor shot latest Armenian victim insult our own identity American truth painful Bush OKs killing Iranis in Iraq how does it help not us turning forward need lead sanity sense

Swim Faster

where was I typing a bookful of poems giving Pearl Chase a break admirable application will win without trying mistake self-defeat what story observe energy arisen swim faster natural punctuation

Special Water

meet about dam above town leaking dubious City Council wake up take it out right now dawn dark deep fog late light snuggle rise warming house pee naked pills special water kundalini stretches sat nam breaths thank zafu grapefruit granola launch me into day meetings poetry newspaper tennis (go Roger Serena!) do end Pearl Chase script slog

Night Light

so dark I hear the creek rushing by below the pastures fences invited trees becoming dog barks far away partial waxing moon glowing cloud Pleiades visible only sideways Tom tokes murmurs disappears no still night lights timed off pick sonatas for me vitamin C blissed recipient

Like a Dance

perfection seems to hover over us like a dance of unearthly figures (Auerbach on Dante) "This Book Will Save Your Life" wonderful novel by A. M. Homes exceptional movies watch now: "Land of Plenty" (Wenders 2005) "Country" "Basquiat" "Betty Blue" "Pollock" "Confusion of Genders" "Don't Come Knocking" "Contempt" "Full Frontal" "Mysterious Skin"

High Buzzing

in my ears high buzzing more hiss than whistle over music over road noise silence forgotten in talking radio play absorption story actors acting going so far exacting nighttime driving inexact flaring lights drill brain I can't see in darkness no one can narrow road high beams only hope lights battle darkness always wins loses sunrise even dark day like today enables waking warm theatre action maybe beyond prop management

Other Trees

random writing sounds like something random courage sons report glad schooling glad thriving remember me other trees replacing gone better other has to be true

Better Proust

Homer gory Virgil Dante better tennis champions young fighting Central Park something to break cycle still goes on better Proust than epic battles fantasy killing same subject pain sorrow waste exultant victors more subtly destroyed inner burps farts toenails organs teeth hair growing sweat wrinkles not enough fire flood collisions age what thinking

Tight Belt

weather stuck typical here crazy virus attack whoosh then gone citrus fails skiers frustrated emergency is anybody there tight belt nobody touching

A Question

when I am eighty who will move my bones

Come Home

U.S. out of Iraq right now we made crisis but we can't fix it destroyed their infrastructure disbanded their security set them against each other they can't fix it with us there shelling bombing their cities doesn't help breaking into their houses doesn't help driving around armored doesn't help walking around armed doesn't help protecting our forces doesn't help Army Marines come home not just from Iraq from all countries diplomats only belong abroad think how we'd feel another nation's soldiers here Chinese patrolling our streets Bulgarians rewriting our laws Argentines securing our borders Indonesians protecting our leaders anybody at all building bases on American soil but we have bases everywhere threatening bullying bribing meddling too much military not too little because we are doing too much soldiers come home study war no more practice peace