Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Too Late

close foreign bases bring forces home reprogram only rationale is keeping order but it doesn't work we make things worse we could learn from history military no answer but no we go through it again hard to be exactly happy going into this new year so much is wrong so little changing still hopeful Obama will find the courage to turn it all around elder less personal at stake concerned the world goes on unlike each bye-bye after care no more stop waste millions out of work hungry stop wars more unemployed can't stop it's keeping us alive warm fed moving barely half awake is it too late

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Heavy Boxes

what did I say let them babble on what do I care truly all I want is to do my thing what little energy I have left allows me organize heavy boxes defy gluing music Frederic Rzewski respectable density swings both ways meanwhile machines do everything

The Others

not this or that but this and that and the others too

Monday, December 29, 2008

Big Boost

the composition should always get more concise said Bernhard and I agree too much to read so keep it short get to the point which still may be itself elaboration like music expectation tricks with brain cells directly stimulated pleasuring poor eyes so many pages to scan close packed lines like heavy luggage light travel goes as far more easily avoids tiresome waiting lugs even wheeled aisle narrows big boost will one really need cowboy boots in India could have thought

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Real Freedom

poems banners festival planning like "invisible tears of lost self" if what is said is not true what then guides the good man's decisions all gone wrong who can be joyful only protected children like boy sopranos glorious while it lasts who tells what real freedom is

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Who Knew

power out four days imagine circumstantial transformation technology collapse inevitable nobody quite ready whatever happened to normal life who knew repairmen heroic can't keep up worse storm coming

Friday, December 26, 2008

Purer Path

subtle simple being thought embodied unapologetic unexplained dramaticized harmonic resolution dozens of players as one shining shimmering colossalismo even so glimpses of a purer path arise new year century president self undone relation original language as if wording unspoken definition always having way

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Interesting Lives

Christmas without baby Jesus children not so bad nobody but ourselves a few presents our usual happy consolations class is taste honor preferable to glory even interesting lives end Harold Pinter Eartha Kitt remembered a little longer form trivializes virus weak exhausted I am strong practiced tai chi learning swims await return of ordinary time

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Surface Tension

Promise or threat? Train whistle occasional, country road highway various volume roaring of somewhere else, the possibility of going, the threat of being taken away, or abandoned. Cars in the driveway say the same thing all the time. If one of them is gone, we are apart, which is fine until night falls and the house is half-empty, one of us here, the other not. Drawn to freedom and newness, appalled at the possibility. If this is not everything, I am radically incomplete, trapped in surface tension above an unknowable ocean. If I go somewhere else I am neither here nor there. Elsewhere I am no one; at home I am a fraction of myself. The only unity is to have nothing, a few rags, a bowl.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Too Sincere

slippery bags of raw meat imagine what community grill implies voting Sparrow "Mrs. Palfrey" too sincere unconvincing good intentions oddly hypnotic anyway like spinning violin affirming Christmas goodbye snow rain coming ruins effect perfect the way it is personal worldview conditioned luck blessings undeserved

Monday, December 22, 2008

Animated Air

snowed in chains required not on of course I can I have to want to go somewhere badly enough like swimming are they open I'll call everything else can wait staying home especially delicious I love the light the quiet animated air

Iced Over

tripped over the dog froze iced over slept through die final different story ended fresh energy climb Andes ancient carved spectacle beyond seasonal histories easy fun heart expanding temperature transformed unique animal continuity

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Bending Over

longest night relief coming our way ice falling eucalyptus bending over rain falling freezing fire festival off Morocco finished rejoin Montaigne pleasantest of personalities my tree lights on till day lengthening happy my dread is gone the night no longer frightens me I drift around warming the various rooms absorbing stories words images music play with light ideas anticipate cycle nothing less awful burning imagination for luck

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Lighting Up

residual fauna like Disney collectibles lighting up and playing music Swedish meatballs seven-layer dip saucy shrimps certainly alive only partially transformed drive slowly on snow speaking of theatre fascinated baby see me peel a tangerine

Friday, December 19, 2008

All Sides

will will power make room for art the character question poses itself thin or round seduction by success unequal dangers threaten all sides head heart holding hands balances my always dear concern for my own protection giving everything I have

Thursday, December 18, 2008

My Army

where is my army of servants maids cleaners housekeepers valets chauffeurs dishwashers tuners grooms lackeys butlers laundresses financial advisors trainers secretaries assistants filing clerks masseurs barbers manicurists polishing windows why do I have to do everything myself (except the gardening)

What Is

Beethoven apposite again funny good art rotating ever renewed project push completed clears Christmas wondering what now email clearage reveals lost gems heartbreak distance from friends accepting limits of here harder still what is rich past expression by the time you know how to live it is almost too late so hurry up

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Shining Winter

closing cheery snowy swimming positive filing baby singing play delicious cherries frozen chains particular sons hiking rain Peru continues action Santa Barbara spinal adjustments careful walk smiling phoning shining winter

Monday, December 15, 2008

True Speaking

out of what the soul has given him the poet makes the work suspended harmony silent mind explosion each moment passing worth regret no sin true speaking honestly amuse whatever is not written down does not exist if it doesn't make the news it didn't happen example what you or I did yesterday spoke played "worked" felt every possible passion

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Simple Thinking

close call clipping the curb at speed on the Sawmill anything can happen but usually doesn't don't count on it be mindful always every step potential disaster months in a nursing home similarly free cares rinsed away in freshets similarly threaten flooding ten feet deep simple thinking reveals mistakes too late drive slower pay attention be a little safe

Friday, December 12, 2008

Future Blank

Freddie invoked again a flurry of names nothing to do about lost friends missed opportunities for closer further amours sweet pain remains forever yet we must go on centripetal spinning apart timed out and doing other things the present emotions never completely expressed developed resolved linger seductively indulged protest against future blank

Thursday, December 11, 2008

What It Is

a craving for cinnamon got it all cravings gratified cinnamon toast cold milk the body still capable of pleasure glaciers pushing the ice shelves out to sea brrr just thinking about it something other than stanzas are Italian rooms sad Nissan stories something other than line spaces hard to draw with regular lines that's what it is

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Heavy Enough

the play takes everything I have or had plenty more where did it go creeping sleepyness the price of getting up early squeeze it in true the shape counts more than form itself speaking in my head I can begin but don't dare think clearly lightweight heavy enough

A Beautiful Novel

formal adjective white soft condign smooth Bob Heide a rush of affection leaving this place where I felt at home forever two tall handsome young men one fair one dark announce they look alike I hadn't realized they could be twins an elegant gabardine drape unusually cut overflowing friendly warmth as if my life is a beautiful novel

Monday, December 08, 2008

Open Hearts

good nature band people herded each counts noodles hoping stay together I'm not the only once who's lost keep trying room in the noise for chaos precision is better in surgery Mimi contends just fine what other fun days flowing naturally dotted with doings centered on writing being home read films "Rosenstrasse" brilliant but opaque not being German or Jewish Moroccan Tibetan or Czech where would I go if I were going some where warm fragrant colorful markets mellow cafes friendly artists open hearts Kerala stands out viewing moonstones teenage dance class delirious amazed

Sunday, December 07, 2008

All This

Morocco history illuminates endless conflict structural heads cut off palaces leveled political maneuvering armies torture where have I heard all this before meanwhile lives beauty art holy ecstasy love children weaving houses horses food as if this isn't enough

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Using Fingers

keeping on step backward into water diving gets it over faster better watch icy driveway falling danger careful needed special gloves one warm hand enough to comfort another feathered wool synthetic answer if leaning touch anything typing driving using fingers ideas arise naked even winter shorter light at different angles temperatures rise then dissipate leave marks exuberant creation

Friday, December 05, 2008

Four Hours

so much going on it cancels out I wish I could sit still and read I do not much of anything but all I can four hours restaurant work too much standing numb after nap only piano playing possible

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Inner Quiver

tremble no earthquake inner quiver ever present company unreachable horizontal suggest disintegrating heartbeat tempo obvious at the time to survive tomorrow gave myself a laugh encouraging moves temper seasonal droop inevitable shots confirms positive practice free hospital waits warm light on nurses wide awake

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Keep Dancing

routine frames unexpected variation calm enables intense reception open to something arises home date Fitts fish piano challenge further writing Roethke trumps notey Mendelssohn shames my clumsy snaps unworded house card career played for keep dancing believes in actual existence

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Another Day

intermittent constancy affirms classical beauty intelligence harmony formal grace dynamic asymmetry assures continuity cycle beyond going on giving tender appreciation welcome touch gentle strong slow fast virtuosity like staying home granola phoning another day

Sunday, November 30, 2008

One Lunch

no no no I'm alive yes yes giving myself to Christmas lights restaurant work one lunch working on my play healing continues warmly expecting wanting nothing else but what I seem to be having flow slow growing

Friday, November 28, 2008

Common Goals

parallel and interdependent harmonious cohabitation models perfected society farm small town world city worlds continually coexist share labor spoils persist toward common goals happiness survival comfort art of mind imagination body conscious non-commodity other same utterly different conditions daily realness history tide of battles glory tangle mooring drags here again bereft escaping battered homeless dead

Three Desserts

genuine hospitality excess food deformed ritual demands more appetite gift exchange requires we eat and it is mostly very good large bowl extra stuffing green beans rich bacon mashed potatoes gravy sweet potato apple three desserts six eaters overwhelmed people change menu same mushroom bread pudding hours work hardly touched every same conversation flagging stagger home

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

One Thing

what if it never gets light is doing one thing a day enough I can't go back to sleep once I'm up I'm up or just lie there happily not thinking the clock chimes every half hour in one comfortable position

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Being Asked

studio too cold I don't want to work well I do maybe later maybe now click and I'm in it enter Ladd enter Milly many questions being asked meanwhile in Racine's he knows frenzy hope in perfect Alexandrines

Monday, November 24, 2008

Potato Soup

money hunger lust power survival doesn't account for my blog or play then why serious satirical cynicism literary tone like Arthur Phillips or myself unbuttoned spins dialogue this makes me happy I thought the day was lost but no after all work emerges application enables circulation salsa seasons amarillas quartet times leek and potato soup

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Fond Foibles

movie run straight from water onto highway zooming thinking laughing Garrison Keillor virtuoso digressing king of fond foibles like mind on make-believe clearing energies like Charlie Kaufman depression decrepit death too many books at Powell's and not the ones I wanted I can't read the ones I already have like Hanon's Living Theatre on Third Street I was there but didn't know the half the other home for last night's okra companion love

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Mighty Hunter

the mighty hunter comes in camouflage suburban harvester blind tent deer baited close fenced hi-tech bow aquiver long ago I would have leapt to the stupid dears' defense now mock and ruefully applaud what does it mean that I no longer mind one more thing I don't have to have an opinon about or is that denial a cop-out

Friday, November 21, 2008

Good Enough

if not you who if I don't do it no one will if ever the moment was this possible strike this pitch ripe as it gets piling on if not one another if not now never if anyone matters we do hardly genius just good enough

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Most Good

seeing tendrils like my thoughts want to go somewhere climb light dreamer make dream pattern like tangled vines faster application efficient use of time like Darwin watching flowers grow can prove his theory only less productive essence not what you do but who you are Montaigne thinking about himself hundreds hundreds pages most good

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Both Sides

tai chi legs aspirin milk cinnamon toast outrageous comfort warm plate well what is more important if I am not miserable old Newgate prison for example might as well be happy I am lightning strikes rainbows manifest always thrill remember storms run for cover I still could run Montaigne likes both sides suicide sometimes right torture never mind over fact

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Nothing Finer

2.5 billion increased to 6.8 in my memory 70 million extra Ethiopians barely eating fewer Italians and they are the best most fun fits in as art fountains strolling streets naked bodies larger than any stone others mining tin carry dirt through jungle taxed harassed miserable happiness high priced meanwhile imagine 350 varieties of pasta killing irony the most vulnerable people least able to adapt requires what of one can't face facts too much denial under cuts both ways disabled disimproving hearing nothing finer through the fog

Monday, November 17, 2008

Blown Away

meaningless memory less existing this all-time twinkle belies file room diligence blown away leaves have to be raked up fall wet yellow grass like shards of sun whirlpool computer artifact "why am I haunted by places I'm not sure existed" chimes unlike thinking unaccountable apparent lingo lovable in spite as though my better represents authentic trauma

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Soon Enough

all good memories of Julia Bates poet pianist Mother's best friend civilized generous life now ends fog all day I washed the tractor anyway returned to our own bed smooth routines give satisfaction what I always wanted hard find willing harmony without ennui wanderlust neurotic distraction moody impatience disposable resistance repairs enjoyments learned late still soon enough

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Then Some

part still wandering through dream what am I doing here in Minnesota leaving part scratch ear part hearing fan through sizzle then some other complex hum part anticipating breakfast part regret for nothing in particular teeth sinuses spine joints and later in the day Thanksgiving December unify unfolding crusty kleenex blow part worried about the fire in Santa Barbara hands dancing

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Why Argue

chair like herding eels deciding anything better goes broke well why not full but oval November's moon like a cat tangling up our ankles shines love either man would satisfy instead she worries I may be wrong so why argue machines can't clean air only time tells who was here when it was now

Paper Time

update queue moon sets furnace fights paint smell affliction pass these by blessed by god or gods moon furnace movies windows conspire with coffee chocolate vision what I need see to drive begin again flick again minutes unfold paper time like a pop-up sketched in gay colored pencil

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Raising Families

deer shot here among houses they live here raising families ever present turning on lights bucks irresistible to men with guns does and fawns do the damage

Monday, November 10, 2008

Choose to Think

If some of us no longer seem to be able to read a book all the way through, it isn't because of Google or the vast quantity of information on the Internet. To say that is to buy into a sort of determinism that ultimately denies the very thing that makes us most human and arguably gives us our dignity: our ability to think things through, particularly in depth, in a way that can lead to our changing our minds in deep ways … your unwillingness to think long and hard is only a sign of how the problem itself resides within you. It is ultimately a problem of will, a failure to choose to think. If that is a problem of yours, you have no one to blame for it but yourself. (Larry Sanger)

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Drive By

is it a play or a seduction can't it be both not really inexorably awake despite "Fidelio" words-haunted we drive by later they are there we want him to leave but he won't are appearances deceiving give it up steep like tea like another rainy day not hospital comforting like friendly featherbed

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Only Smile

were the trains in the subway farther apart I waited longer every time Wall Street lights less bright and the dream bus never came the vacant house is here where the bridge traffic solid pedestrians teeming entryway kitchen right descending peaceful refuge imagine you can get away it cannot follow nothing to regret only smile fond foolish resolve another coffee no more cigarettes

Friday, November 07, 2008

If Only (II)

real writing Bishop Lowell alive attention paid rewards identity without ego only one like intimate partner verbal mind no like but actual like ourselves except wittier lying bed all day writing poems scheming successfully for admiration one is who might be if only realized it's all the same apart from fireworks occasions not quite perfectly enjoyed

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Saved Up

that Mendelssohn trio ideally played too much for me at the best of times immediate present barring moments illness may they quickly pass hidden morsels of chocolate emerge betimes a comfort saved up against eventual need lost control environmental degradation phase out that phrase lingers resolves falls into motion ardor warmly unfolds notes demand another perfectly composed why not admit it all fits

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Classic After

marvelous movies that they exist at all created realities people seem to live in patient application magically become continuous to not believe but embrace holding hands experience in parallel latest model Ed Harris's "Appaloosa" formula western fun entirely satisfies you like the actors Ed Vigo Renée the characters they concoct poignant real only as fantasy commentary on types and that's enough Cicero insisted on content anyone can say anything his style thinking embodied in writing is all that lasts ironic if true it is only if true for this moment a classic after

President Obama

What a relief! The Supreme Court will not swing right. Something good has happened. It has been one bad thing after another ever since Bush was elected. One did not realize at the time how critical Bush-Gore was. I hoped Gore would win, may have voted for him, but felt, as Nader maintained, that in most ways the Democrats were just as bad as the Republicans ("nothing to choose"). I had no idea Bush would do so much damage. We have been living under a cloud of democratic guilt, embarrassment, and alienation. The militarists, greedy rich, shameless exploiters, deceived obstructionists, and bottom-feeders are formidable but Obama will at least try to do the right thing. I am hoping for a major change of direction.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

One Gallon

anxious excited nervous hopeful scared sassy ready impatient optimistic worried jittery antsy cautious inspired proud emotional tired anticipatory expectant exhausted eager energized ambivalent tense hungry curious confident giddy freaked apprehensive psyched elated apathetic terrified stressed distracted relieved happy suspicious pumped One gallon of diesel pulls one ton of cargo 59 miles by truck, 202 miles by train and 514 miles by canal barge.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Almost Over

big vote needed to repudiate Bush moves I'm hopeful this time it makes a difference campaign unthinkable slog stops thought poor guys poor Obama lost his grandma how do they do it month after month on display the road pressed from every side almost over let peace and justice prevail

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Wet Leaves

night falls early now the descent wet leaves collected heavy tarp warm layers not all removed Mahler after "Baker Boys" fitting bedtime mapping other parts glow makes it hard to see this is the radiance of solitude Montaigne rebuking Cicero we can't all be presidents

Extra Hour

time attenuates fills extra hour contentless intellection devises twenty minutes dishwashing till unconscious passages wake to quantify viral intrusions creepy threats sensational discoveries imply a knife impenetrable fog fears disarmed by ringing ears winter woe repaired by spring

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Read Together

throat cut by ice a poetry of fear don't fear death Rumi says burns Bolivian Peruvian Bulgarian Chilean do poetry of love one Oregon room Spanish Mexican Australian Rumi e. e. cummings read together shrunken world expanded heart deepened soul higher thought

Friday, October 31, 2008

Basic Never

more and more what horizon passed as I napped reading "Homo Faber" reading radical theatre history drum beats an interrupted conversation this lameness distracting wait for the election whether to be hopeful or continue dismayed unworkable basic never compromise too soon tires on pavement unchosen music waiting for buzz mourning Robert Patrick's Caffè Cino picture pages terminated by Yahoo a major loss

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Too Early

weird creepy dreams waylay me a thin lumpy aquarium globe a dead fish dirty water who needs these aimless firings nonsense draped in feelings of distress so pleasant to drift off then wham too early for me to sleep I'm up again shawled eating an apple with a little cheese feel better

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Big Enough

inevitable loose ends smooth move Ex-Lax familiar frustrations rhymes with orange apple butter or pies forgotten melodies like frozen dreams call you once more wishing to go back unaged and undead we are all here now solitary teammates constructing story big enough to love

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

How Few

Everything Sumerian has writing on it, words, names, names of things, stabs at catching the moment in short sharp gouges, substantiated now in one small glass-fronted wall case, marked stone. Decipher my meaning, the inexpressible fog. A fog of words parting for glimpses of sublime intention. How few remain after 4,000 years. Men don't wear shorts in Malaga.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Reach Out

further revisions for the second edition seemingly infinite detail outpaces mind yet yields to attention with certain view points made in passing added to score bells buzzers flashing lights yell TILT! I didn't touch it silly to think it works quickly recovered every element has function tomorrow reach out expose myself bonus warmth and sunshine

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Remembering Arthur

Join in mourning Arthur Sainer, a close colleague of mine at The Village Voice for an extraordinary decade. Writing about theatre in New York was a privilege and an amazing adventure in the early sixties, when Off-Off-Broadway was being born; it became increasingly problematic in the seventies, as the first revolutionary burst of energy dissipated and the way ahead became more obscure. Arthur (like me) was not only a critic but an all-round man of the theatre, writing plays, running a theatre, putting himself on the line. He never won the appreciation he deserved, but I don't think he expected to. Although he was a quiet, rather mild presence, with a wry, dry sense of humor, his convictions burned fiercely bright. His invaluable "Radical Theatre Notebook," written in 1974 and updated in 1979, is a gold mine of history and inspiration from that important era, from which the best impulses continue to resonate despite the distractions of commercialism and hype. Arthur insisted on standing forth for truth and justice, asserting a politics of theatre that America noticeably did not take to; it was a fight worth fighting, and there was joy in the struggle. He was a man I am glad to remember. Let us keep him in our hearts.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Not Moving

apples do not move any artist can look till reason revolts never to see enough yellow spotted lumpy not very appetizing apples keep arriving what action implied eat a few sauce 'em bake a brown betty serve it with cream watch them sit there not moving

Friday, October 24, 2008

Rough Treatment

new windows will open to summer air lap desk allows circulation steadiness viral cough empty bed room disarray nothing too disturbing to inner calm Shakespeare stands rough treatment students best approximate buoyant satisfaction lovers united confusion dispelled who can possibly complain thus my day goes on for many hours as if endless or everything fitting in accounts for positive feeling steals over well-run automatic procedure

Thursday, October 23, 2008

All It Takes

can I stop performing myself for a moment just be stop to notice reality gridded myself consisting of one thing after another do this then that represent myself demonstrating exemplary actions hesitate in between what is is being myself imagine myself why it's called acting allow emerge is all it takes

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Lying Down

someone today is anyone in the same place or between places bumpy air now smooth Rembrandt again Morandi Breughel I know from another time and person lying down completed plan leaves no new impression there again myself among sterling friends

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Only Obstacle

Judith says the mission of the Living Theatre poetic philosophical political equally at once is to make people feel they can struggle for what they really want what everybody wants without compromise make it seem possible every play different always the same subject strengthen the feeling of creative possibility we are utopian idealists we may not see the beautiful nonviolent anarchist revolution but every step in that direction is worthwhile we go as far as we can the only obstacle is $$$

Monday, October 20, 2008

Smooth Working

clashing worlds northern Berkshires woods Eighth Avenue 49th to 43rd transition thru varied highways dinner Lewis Alice Hurley how human handle being there then here so planned whirl New England friends and family exactly executed Saturn $227.85 who cannot be impressed smooth working cabin intact after ten years absent mouse mess quickly swept away objects put back where they belong pendulum reactivated fire up the stove and be there a morning now it's night I'm tired five hours driving food for thought and heart much needed asking what to do with it when I am able

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Still There

past is not past is timeless place still there when I am not always remembering new buildings forward old remain a Stonington walk cold sea wind warm friends foliage past climax north still glorious familiar road hours into higher beauty Zen walk in clean woods open easy pick up sticks fast dinner and off we go play fun deep wisdom dark drive back alone stars quiet empty house

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Happy Times

you is just the opposite of me same humanness no compare messy neat too much concise abundant pinched who knew you felt that way our blood's connected language familiar referents acceptance blinded personas dictate our choices each generous expressive gift of grace amazing Dan Marya cough stress Ginny outliving Dot says happy times ahead

Friday, October 17, 2008

Better Way

walk home from Madison Square an hour's immersion city sidewalks empty crowds up Broadway unto 42nd Anne's colors change people many colors hustle avid for action day two began Fifth Avenue Central Park rich live luxury above it all Frick mansion shares Rembrandt himself giving himself this simple sharing self the highest art minds meet Jimmy over lunch chez Home about his book what story how organize after nap another book arises over dinner never know a better way to be fully alive

Thursday, October 16, 2008

For Once

zigzagged all over Patti Sam the New Museum Living Theatre whew too much but how great intention realized although Patti couldn't find Johnny's collages in her storage locker which we searched at first I wasn't sure I could walk such treats not to betray personal the public grand enough Elizabeth Peyton will have guys in lipstick her portraits pretty and romantic what she can do with paint wow and Judith's "Eureka" is a gem the new sincere idealism flourishing audience participation works for once held hands danced with strangers sang along with Poe and Humboldt saving universe

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Deeply Bogus

my favorite restaurant Florent is gone what the point of coming to New York where did he go back to France says a Chinese coming up from the basement in the dark with lots of money reopens tomorrow with the same menu he said but I am hungry now came 3,000 miles anyway I liked the man the clientele all dead he was the first the neighborhood not what it was different deeply bogus

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

All Ready

moon bright busyness preceding separation the new bed desk succeed in puzzling leave everything neat whether programmed or my own expression any sensible person would pretext may not hold no matter I contrived much else to justify if asked I'll ask myself surely something will arise not just staring into space can't think except when writing well that is hardly true who is the thinker afterwards it's there all ready for the firing this the subject this the line divides before from after the fingers and eyes have healed

Monday, October 13, 2008

Naive Music

countdown concentrates or is it scatters attention bank holiday terminal natation contact high naive music eleven tons hay cold frame ready follow dream resultant this is nothing compared to actual ideas in action Mill was right Columbus wrong Vita real chicken overcooked and then a movie allergies misleading apple sweet

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Choose Real

more is not enough anyway slip easily into less decision made for us no more Times one example plenty clothes library garden chores hardly onerous driving new tractor automatic extend path loop choose real long last health hold blessed as if virtuous

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Group Hug

"Eureka" is a mix of science class, happening, utopian dream and group hug says Times I can hardly wait hurry time forward says who will go with me after all file cleanup Donald Lehmkuhl who else rediscovered quantum possibilities cell receptors "addiction" red herring gardening better DIY tree surgery cheering potatoes jerusalem artichokes beets brussels sprouts good eating promises longer sweeter life in love and art

Paean for Bruce Daniels

by Kirby Doyle (1964) This isn't the real air. The real air will come. It remains to be seen remaining, forever remaining seen, remaining forever a sort of ether, a sort of death— the real silence remaining air, the real air remaining to be seen remaining real air here to be seen.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Almost Enough

disappearing money where did it go nothing different except the future might as well have spent more free changes exhilarate instability key to pattern formation warmth house food from garden social security is almost enough no sense buying any more stuff stay home mend clothes help on heavy chores borrow books

Thursday, October 09, 2008

What Then

if I catch a cold what then grin and bear it drug the symptoms if I'm not well by the time I go can't let it slow me down nothing else matters poetry meeting runs itself plays skippable relax keep warm drink liquids rest

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

More Sense

seriously taken how can ridiculous fools see self image costumed posing flannel pajamas Iranian uniform helmet rocket launcher others having fun makes more sense work done somewhere if not what who minds

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Both Lose

teeth cleaned hair cut plans made so it goes on without appeals sympathy a certain straightforwardness earned surely Vita not that awful lugubrious inarticulate a BBC embarrassment if places real what were they really like reupholstered chairs return calls are business maintenance rarely persons format suckers candidates both lose as if waiting disaster deepens when will it all be over one's readiness not inexhaustible like secondhand death

Monday, October 06, 2008

Art Fun

sensuous figs gushy ripe from the tree complement Schumann nourish courage reach out unfearing no can't hurt me no yes appears without regret substitution often improves relax enjoy hang loose portfolios in the basement start being careful never was too stupid splurged on doing plays by choice not expecting profit art for art fun best way go nuts keep shirt mind master its own reward

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Paint Fumes

old enough to dream as if awake pillow talk with Lightning Source wrench myself up resume the day raining driving seeing "Dead Funny" thanks Third Rail Wagner marathon traffic doesn't matter I'm immune messages mangle plan scramble somewhere to stay New York I'll manage somehow one always does anyone understand or care what dust hammering paint fumes I do more than enough to go right on

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Grand Duo

spent on Schubert and a party fifteen plus us potluck bounty side by side with Christopher Wicks played the Grand Duo after supper before dessert flubbed notes hardly dented joy and what a genius piece to catalyze a civilized soirée everybody evidently thrilled applause bows lively talking a birthday present to myself pleasure ratified by sharing

Friday, October 03, 2008

What Counts

memory blues purging files lost decades forgotten doings loves fond affirmations poorly valued smack myself unworthy wretch rise early learn late what counts the genuine irony cheaply earned not a novel after all real deaths and other suffering more movie feeling fades before it does me in thanks for that anyway a box of trash my reward room for taxes

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Odd Match

garden bounty overwhelming grapes tomatoes we cannot eat all delicious too much then rain cold nothing we preserve some give away despair of keeping up red raspberries zucchini potatoes one or two small per week mint jelly anticipates spring lambs more gardens feed families directly eight rooms two people odd match last scattering foretells chill winds

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

One Person

rabbit for every one person I know including horses cats October change of sound air clear expanse to winter far dark dominates a while the pressure eases to be happy each concerned engaged in choosing pick up let them lie still ready cede control combine initial impulse honest willingness is all I have to offer blessing hearts together

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Up and Down

flying fingers hit the right notes now soft now loud now shaping phrase the language learned can thus emerge what pleasure play reread Maugham's "The Razor's Edge" untrammeled joy so deft deep art of living civilized wise truth cunning fictional device relax delight in season's pass a morning's work a walk a talk the news goes up and down as if it mattered how leave world

Time Out

time out for a wedding Shannon Mark joyously thoughtfully sincerely united among generations family and friends gladly love praising accepting playing at a beautiful mellow Mendocino ranch idealistic aspirations raise hope future bright imagination everything flowed time out for a road trip together south over mountains fending off distress at vanishing glaciers shrunken lakes hard lives own dears myriad wedding people warm various vital then home via coast serene redwoods ascend Klamath River grand panoramas earth survives us all

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Maybe Tomorrow

crisis fiasco meanwhile details tai chi ironing scan honeymoon photograph reglue thunderbird horse arrangements distribute produce meaning not time but being however your cards fall no luck lasts happy never free except today maybe tomorrow

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Who Cares

who whom even the Times New Yorker lay lie on everybody's lips Palin's nonstop gonnas unremarked between you and I embarrassing when anybody says it who cares I do stumbles repetitions I mean you know style not content matters most

Monday, September 22, 2008

Hiding Out

keeping busy well not really not directing teaching mentoring being admired who'm I kidding whatever words it wisely expend energy judgment not required odious comparative careerism moves regrets Vermont wherever hiding out chopping mowing manicuring forest few creatures surround remains

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Happy Ending

down comforter reset path lights clean furnace filters order propane rainy day season changes real if anything is real easy writing myth follows production bail-out no new deal old rip-off richer protect each other ordinary folk lose not to be cynical Woody Allen bitter seeing what people are forced to do survive support family happy ending

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Theatre Fun

disorienting theatre fun with serial murder rocking "Everybody Wants to Kill Someone" small town community playhouse singalong what are they thinking I utterly don't get it what can I offer Beckett Bernhard myself I will think of something but really insults curses "Shut the %#*@ up" again and again poisoned cupcakes caged women ha ha ha

Friday, September 19, 2008

Higher Things

dramatical initiatives not dead yet can be satisfied still more to learn give ask receive transactionalities whether anyone responds another rising twice burned Barcelona the way it has to be for you and me is still romantic colors music rainy symbols wit locations traveling humans yearn for higher things

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Even Now

only actual matters "the meaning is in the details" lessons slowly penetrated even now uncertain each moment context measures sliding vowels consonants mix abrasive mellow desperate shock mind habit dubious questioning harder better ideological winner one poem bearable at this time

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Good Lighting

silence darkness sudden chill equinox approaching onions garlic tender gum car repaired Rufus Wainwright tai chi slight slump except work going well I like my book finished what shall I do these mysteries require good lighting propose directing one-act comedies stock market falling trips ill advised cut back need no new clothes I have too many pleasures past purchasing

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Tennis Fanatic

other possibilities than crickets disguised commodities traders intrude unwillingly entertained as you report the home front sucks I was extremely sleepy all day naming tennis fanatic that doesn't help solve anyone can answer dance I'm evicted how it feels what now what if tree in Traci front seat smells of cigarettes excuse me are we be sheltering a murderer giraffe at the top of the stairs enfeebled what to do the baby may in fact have been rented

Monday, September 15, 2008

Moon Cat

sadness brilliant full moon night soon gone Luna will come again in just four weeks but by then it will be raining overcast chilly still rejoice that the night is ever bright blessing love romance anew mortal white moon cat emerges joining dance gleams below as well don't be sad this transience our happiness

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Two Bodies

when did I start holding my own hand last year quite comforting beside my pillow try it you'll see not the same of course but who can stay in contact all the time asks so little giving everything touch fades if you stop moving nerve ends register what's new two bodies confuse each other's thermostats heat up and sweat unless it's cold then thank God for a source of warmth and love

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Heading Up

a matter of bubbles forming one last rose the walnut losing leaves Kansas here too an invitation to mild regret as if other's choice could set us free back then repairs would be for good clean barely needed the broom every other Sunday on our own it's all time now stars stop at the bright horizon laughing at ambition limits wonder that anyone can read between lines bothers nags the academic framers speak in Russian only to each other I understand it's late the sun barely glows the body process heading up as if beginning permanently waves goodbye as if knowing it has to be

Friday, September 12, 2008

Move Air

late enough wake up keep it all going part of movie will do the trick ironic sleepytime rumble phoning convenient substitute email rushing tapping kitchen pickup hookup undiscovered country cousins weekend lost power washer rent laugh lines entirely dependent on actors short wise practical windows ventilate few hot days move air before stale future stalls

Thursday, September 11, 2008

For Marya

I am exhilarated that you are so busy making teaching presenting inspiring I finally understood what style was too late for myself but never too late masks dances yoga hospitality art is anything that isn't something else my book is finished again now what shall I do while the leaves change

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Write On

English subtitles not matching what is being said in English that's very strange and why is Nádas boring us this way art undoubtedly political tragedy understandably crazy-making no one is immune if not that then diabetes could be cancer everything is true so you get to choose what you want to say really it chooses you virtual twins more different than alike so much for nurture if apples reliably complement cheddar closeness comforts thoughts arise bubbles burst I write on

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Philosophy in Action

another something emerging synapses click hum hiss wish future improved philosophy in action if it breaks throw it away (recycle?) buy a new one what was valued fixable no more values renewed interest meaning sinful usury whitewashed evil replacement season illusion that cycle revolves what I mean to say what I don't want to believe curmudgeonly buffeted looming walls of water

Monday, September 08, 2008

Ran Off

dream nuts mix a different later long ago as if to mock all my efforts at coherence insight sensible perspective the quiet air the beautiful friendly European youth a closer gurgle in the night I wake at four perfectly composed ready for anything tell me where I went astray misled love muddled lost my own direction ran off looking for underlying nature true self misconstrued cruel history civil failure culture in ruins all marketing and spin losing happiness what mattered most

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Changing Weather

inertia repetition vigorous routine missed connections jokes ungotten shows unseen colors may mean opposite moonrise odd noise house creak peepers inside my head inexplicable phenomena not worth talking that's what I said before thinking twice five is fifty-five hardly begins boil berries sugar jars I could be scared and if I were what darkness kisses changing weather whether or not anyone notices I am here

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Mine Too

Saturn today because yesterday fried first I know in fact because art party was there as if real markers let swim it's raining in New York quel mess except it isn't four best ready play breakfast as I write heading Queens Hibiscus Jackie reappear in drag it's fate I edit Jimmy's book edit what I do among others peering shoulder crisply quip quick reminder mine too finding voice remember bright idea fun pun excuses any long lapse

Friday, September 05, 2008

Five Times

I do eat granola require cheese prefer berries the usual kitchen melodrama curries ripening tomatoes next door apples crisp tart delicious anybody artist dares to show portraits people we know young friend stands approaches we talk I feel much better stroll inspecting slides high school exciting five times his age formal memories themselves go stiff decay revealed wisdom composed word salad will to nourish

Thursday, September 04, 2008

One Other

if not Chopin a kiss or Chopin plus kiss private sleepy ritual it privately enjoyed plan needs vetting decisively poetical arrangement made all present say aye four favor women two display regret one warm remind delivered in haste puzzle by myself imply discomfort paisley on a skirt best in one other

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Different Story

two sisters walking down by stream passionate intensity the tennis court toast with honey a dog the night tail wagging we resist I only I back sleep sorry different story replaces reality dreadful politics replaces individual sing while can trees die barns burn bright jovial shaded weeping willow

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

What It Means

salute moon sliver sailing home what quandary veritably none but accepted contradictions who knew love triangle not resolvable through sex if that was what he was talking about it would be simple biomechanics instead all history is implicated at least that part of what it means all too true all false values bad taste matters less than thought a unicorn in needlepoint a standard pattern based on cloistered tapestry a manuscript drag queens what else the shock wears off pass bar this time wince and play on better make a book than buy one birthday gift

Monday, September 01, 2008

Common Factors

names easily misspelled anything it's a wonder we find each other something distorted world not the way we think existing everything swell interpretations subject to attention gaps flag false understandings derail common factors follow syntax meaning elusive details sharp Jimmy's manuscript in bits arrives a birthday intervenes affection honed by careful practice coming Schubert party contrast practice sleep

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Wrong Word

bad boy not to work this holiday weekend Sunday too give myself a break wrote letter to the Times make myself foolish wrong word pacifist meant nonviolent can be fixed embarrassing to speak out ah well go for it New York tennis rain of pears August come again

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Report Back

is this the day probably or not the right words what I wanted to say slips away between breaths about mother father place time space report back no market explains the house ghost footsteps click another month waiting document growing doubt or confidence reveals the opening beat write again speak anyone shoes or not answer cooking with gas in the black thank you pudding leg strength core results in victory long deserved

Friday, August 29, 2008

Hidden Structures

cucumber and rose petals infuse my sight thought a gathering purposed recovered blowing dust glittering night never silent thousands expressing hidden structures poets leave word buildings offer second choices determine inscrutable outcomes adjectives verb willing subjects implore harmonic shuffle bore willing exchange

Thursday, August 28, 2008

What I Want

kissing Allen Ginsberg symbolizes hope for change poo-poos and irony set aside commentary dispensed with don't tell us what to think everything sayable used up individual dramas framed history rolls bodies sensitive to smells I know what I want another sunny day granola fruit fresh occasions for expression fairness peace dividends healthily enjoyed with friends good music books bold opening

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Pitiful Story

unexpected linkages strangely gratifying East Berlin in the 70s Katte's pitiful story Oscar Wilde and Neal Flanagan heat pump estimate open windows bored watching tennis Harry Reid on energy Hillary's classy move another tai chi teacher skips class feels O.K.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Each Pause

slow changes reinforce steady habits which spoon where the phone alarm green points ready house for winter Schubert yields more close attention exactly what is happening now goes forth welcoming ears in consonance who when where fall slowly in place recall Zseliz spring 1824 who likes each pause between riotous wakes instead of writing wanders mildly desirous the sun doesn't "rise" it offers another subtle instrument

Monday, August 25, 2008

More Naps

tai chi runs down now what long night calculated effects in the public sphere statistical people acting on purpose to win I hope schooling pays off for mine too fragile membranes slowly healing joints more naps more dreams linger late enough to sleep till five it asking pays or not fights evil with happiness

Sunday, August 24, 2008

White Jeans

two alone again preferred order our own balance patterns after afternoon concert neighbor kids on bikes welcome soft rain cold chicken salad conversation wanders easily inconclusive variety of types man's fate think anything animal caring simpler I will pick things up whatever it takes do right choose positive adjustment correct myself try tight white jeans they fit again

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Other Keys

remarkably it must be the same Richard Stoltzman still tripping up and down his clarinet's remarkable range my static destroys it forced into other room one tiny fly too annoying bumblebees thick in the raspberries I reach among them pick ripe no sting this time early morning they're just getting started was I here did I do anything seized by vagueness comfortable sensations familiar wardrobe dusting recycling all that phoning other keys absent loves

Friday, August 22, 2008

Final Grapes

diligent indulged the Canby ferry Lake Oswego after New Seasons berry lunch hit ten thrift shops seeking white suit for Shannon's elegant retro wedding unexpected encounter pinballing one another then back to Goodwill for Halston David Byrne ice cream "Man Wire" peanut noodles home final grapes

Time Echo

mother and father long gone who made me who I was then not to forget who had been before during after my arise dare drop present self remember who the doing which time echo resonates to what I want now the question posed moue mot they stand poised in my await

Thursday, August 21, 2008

My Ironing

ego snap oops not too bad abrupt departure couldn't get into the conversation went right on without me Olympic runners dropped batons got my ironing done not just anyone a few days texture changed other stuff to do while nothing can be done reading Nádas aloud crazy as I thought but real childhood infinite ruination

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Swift Procedure

escort to surgery benefits too expert nurses prepare patient hospital society comes awake clamming mentioned coffee multiplying personnel adjust order execute swift procedure afterwards mellowness lingers time together sweet pink blue vision improved reading aloud

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

This Existence

already August gosh some weeks already before you know it I'll be gone like smoke mere molecules wafting around the world words are more real if lastingness counts servers can't forever archive mounting I'm published but for how long better make hard copy disseminated will survive one copy immortality evidence this existence

Monday, August 18, 2008

Changing Light

scary that concrete is the most concrete cracks can only widen a string quartet most perfect combination tenuous at best harmonies pass in their nature always leading somewhere follow or not I can't help it we are inherently susceptible country life requires the city virtual money underpins the natural vitality what would we do without civilization so fragile our brilliance as if isolate and yet the web the spiders windows draped with weeds of abandoned hope it makes me laugh ironic pleasure is real days arise dreams incorporated cast a changing light even as I grow

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Honest Weight

no mistake I did it on purpose so what do you think of that is opportunity for opinion all we get is play of personalities all smile put on faces as if roles defined what might be said or thought harmonic affinities is that enough no deeper honest weight see what I really think

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Live Close

house holds heat who cares fan helps rise price who see what lowers values imagine my lighting unaffordable so it goes less travel live close all better "Bug" too painful anyway dim slits revealed blood again what can we do still another possible jump deciding this is better health

Friday, August 15, 2008

Come Again

sick in the night uneasy feeling slowly finally adjourn bed to bathroom vomit hideously lie floor miserably wonder what next that's it still can't eat much lay around all day hot limp feeling ill presidential poetry duties dispatched regret still too unwell for Nico Muhly concert when will he ever come again

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Nobody Hungry

we don't cry anymore but it's just as painful parting redeemed by future but present long 100-degree heat "like India" makes it worse my air-conditioned car almost ran out of gas disoriented I collapsed at dinnertime dream- weirded woke ragged weak nobody hungry

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Special Knowledge

intense presence functioning systems people serve inspired food place racing toward each other no going together into hot waters naked helps each other natural affinity well express return to sanctuary inner path whichever way you go I go with you over bridges under fallen trees soft along forest trails great Douglas firs pleased to offer special knowledge hardly won

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Deep Choice

disrupt all habits reform the good once clear how can you know assume the worst thinking justifies anything it can't be trusted start again pattern isn't person feels the same deep choice revealing natural cherished ways disguise trap logic hides machine revolt defending barricade practice improves ping-pong to a point never reached beyond decision to change your life

Monday, August 11, 2008

New Wrinkles

spontaneous hospitality occasions inspired home cooking say so myself summer might as well be endless sadly isn't love it while you have it naturally together this is the real flow state secret glee offers possible ideals artistic music anticipation theatre company where I belong sitting alone being focused usual outpouring discovering new wrinkles familiar faces go on flattering light needs no excuse who waits revealing laughable wisdom must include darkness dissipated light arising from above shoulders nicely tan

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Pixie Smile

alarm afar unheard arouse aware awards for Robert Patrick looking fine new do his pointed beard a pixie smile awake despite a night too bright to light above below behind before around a rhythm never heard beyond belief delight afoot Barack a birthday bro concludes without betray delay hooray

Friday, August 08, 2008

Easy Pleasure

paralyzed by action is that right what is anticipated is what happens I am willing harmony decision making easy pleasure in familiar novel variations needing variety within parameters don't need to exist but do nonetheless gratify father

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Young Lovers

everything said the miles fly by favorite words reheard like art recontexted new young lovers excited exchanges echo thrice reestablish my meaning reflex thank garlic feta eggplant walk on thought don't begin to sway

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Little Lives

cherries ended blueberries drawing to a close second raspberries coming soon nothing to be done only enjoy the bounty store up the beautiful nourishment so we share depths while caught in our little lives nothing but the saying saves what can be saved available for the taking you come move morning into warming day bring meaning to the season

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Hot Water

record heat I skipped it plunged in Breitenbush hot water gazing up at tiny cloud wisps blue sky above the trees deeply relaxing mellow be naked parallel world every need supplied good food pure intentions optimistic left cabins spartan gladly go home

Monday, August 04, 2008

All Embrace

two naps or was it three parties are exhausting I like having them good literary cause of reading for pleasure does anyone I know now ahem a dream refreshment what ever happened to that perusing David Grossman "Be My Knife" heavy but good Israeli mindful dare to be different can't help it still reluctant to say much hide indirect challenge confrontation otherwise unavoidable rather not what they have in common here I come from New York what kind man can't see themselves my shy a trivial obstacle let all embrace

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Naked Bodies

hot days coming today turned out to be perfect book party twenty happy people Vere read played Mahalia Elvis treats peach shortcake blueberry cobbler whipped cream aplenty then another party Virginia Art's seventieth in their pretty backyard miscellaneous amiable locals scheming dog dire desserts dark fell home wash up hallucinate naked bodies

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Still Silly

party preparation requires embrace welcome greeting oft neglected here shortcake flat batter too dry fantasy baking morning could be something else across the great divide a picnic at the hunt club wander the bishop's close observe suburban prosperity I am attracted I confess a little still silly hope a turnaround intelligence heart common sense essential now that we have done everything wrong each do part kind empathetic loved

Friday, August 01, 2008

If Only

if I hadn't been done this it could have been worse I might have anything you can think if only I wasn't such a dope misled woke up so slowly I was sixty before that clueless lost but happy loving creative no complaints great life

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Very Soon

let time stop don't do anything enjoy something sure to happen very soon everything go right on the way it does

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Still Pleased

spinning energy realized events of the next few days cakes peaches book table easily organized and then it will be over are we ready is a new computer any help new gutter new horse still acting up summer is my threshold swatting flies trying to help a bird panicked in my studio where did it go weeping willow in my face tai chi amateur still pleased

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Change Itself

past is what we knew then not what actually happened idly correcting memory is useless too late to matter to clarify can be amusing still wonder who did what with whom and how can I have missed it at the time weather endlessly repeats like money flowing worry or not smug somehow we enjoy or not change itself

Monday, July 28, 2008


tai chi time too talk demonstrate defense let's do it interested policeman shot Irish psychotic justified nothing clear lose-lose compassion I'll try old folks housing another teacher Wednesdays five bog wa step hurts my hips don't turn that far anymore

Inner Voice

"Hair" rained out in Central Park pathetic fallacy too delicious give it up for Tom where does that tacky expression come out like an inner voice in Rachmaninoff emotive key that something else going on how much primary coherence need the harmonies lead yes hunger senses familiar right wrong moralities of form go forth siblings before breakfast good granola berries choice of cereal tells all

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Why Else

every little mark has its meaning mean it or not accidental period indelible sign of moving thought I write on paper type on nothing present just present print it out for posterity who can believe in span reduced as if anyone cares the way I care now why else do

Friday, July 25, 2008

Dirty Snow

two hundred miles radical topography altitude return intention enacted otherwise unchanged the whole story as simple as driving into space to float in murk see grungy world up there too Hood the mountain in the way the way around horrific struggles now air-conditioned zoom still vibrates with the agony no kidding zonks enjoyers eating snapping boarding dirty snow

Thursday, July 24, 2008

First Time

I gave the downbeat and nothing happened. It was my first time conducting the New York Philharmonic and so far the concert had been going well, but the Stravinsky wouldn't start. I could hear it in my head. What was I doing wrong? The musicians looked at me blankly. Did I have the tempo wrong? I gave them a measure. Was it in three? I spoke to the concertmaster. It's just a technical problem, I said. What is the trick? Let me see your score. His score was not the music but many pages of handwritten words. None of the eight musicians had a score. Ah, you've played it before, you know it. Just play it then. The audience wants to hear it. I was reduced to pleading. They didn't even pick up their instruments. One of them, an oboist, was standing in their midst with a strange expression. Something is happening, he said. I can't see.

Like Me

poor Keats thought he had failed though he knew the poems were perfect he was dying just like me like you don't worry it is natural this is Stafford's position music is built in complexity inherited with lingo suitable as sunrise a naturally occurring occasion think what you will my painter friends keep on painting keep showing what you've done the day of reckoning never comes

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Rather Damp

give me Lytton Strachey and the early Bloomsbury crowd though Lytton himself seemed rather damp apart from prose style did he say penis or Virginia they had such lively times why the beard Judith Malina's father had a beard so she likes hair on a man's face feels far away and hidden wry observer then pounce what can you do it is terribly embarrassing beyond all that I miss imaginary projects take me to the city unpredictable interactions result in creation "Eureka" I may get to see it not do lights matrimonially prior committed

Guarding Catch

if you wait long enough something will happen the cat gets in war starts ailing you usually recover the season changes quick time penetrates illusory stasis I send the letter make the call another day older understand more less vividly solution inside problem neither exists only flux crystallized variable repeats invisible development guarding catch

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Every Day

nothing is not practice buds dropping off the growing tip the glow vanishes when approached then appears elsewhere you have to look you have to be there do that movement with the others or by yourself before breakfast they are still asleep listen closely close attention key to broad sweep augustinian balance in the moment passing step then transfer weight never falling love is falling toward another person or idea like beauty passion impetuosity controlled by grace almost every day

Sunday, July 20, 2008

No Other

"Certainly, in recent years, we, the populace, have been stunned with fear and shame by events in which we have had, however unwillingly, a hand, and this fear and shame seem to have taken a great toll on our composure, our ability to look at what is in front of our eyes." (Deborah Eisenberg in NYRB) who are these trees why don't I know anything obvious not to be trusted with my full weight measured against Péter Nádas Tom Stoppard no fools they know trees lived through history lesson drowsy after breakfast go to work my darling even dream-addled you can pay attention like no other

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Not Normal

serious problems are elsewhere no dictator reign of terror here now barbarian hordes armies rebels trashing our lives secret police dread if we're lucky it's not normal peace exceptional my subject trivial true for few

Friday, July 18, 2008

All Caring

full moon set orange as I rise faithful early writer consider cruel history chance chosen according to birth time place water browning lawn perfect summer sequencing satirical fortune fragile tough talking words wing glad bloom bird what conclude this outcome personal mockery all caring equal surely smug shattered irony rewards none's virtue

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Comfort Water

action produces progress necessary making moves yes I can enough energy thanks aerobics vitamins inner fire comfort water paradoxical combination now I wait do more take aim living land courage fills vacuum two years' firewood budget plumb sink leaks berries post cards calibrating party

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Who Then

you have to half wake up align dream drama fresh less restful writing time prepares the day ahead coffee relative silences let words do meanings preheat oven blend all ingredients it happens anything but yourself the inevitable subject who then will forgive my committed erring

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Smooth Rolling

suddenly rising water we should leave what with nothing why not distressed it doesn't show old people listening to Haydn Bartok Beethoven late attentive inner turmoil deserved cheers express aligned smooth rolling straight ahead

Monday, July 14, 2008

Driving Around

map study nowhere appeals imagining northern Cascades past Seattle traffic road trip needs a destination not just driving around admiring fine scenery blind canyon bottom highway creepy campers irritating roadside tackiness overpriced motel nasty food impulse as easily abandoned day trip enough

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Other Cherries

drastically pruned the Rainier cherry gasped one year now spectacularly abundant creamy blushing red dense bunches amid deep green strawberries over raspberries behind bushes of blues hung heavy berries large and small whitish green powdery pale blue to midnight blueberry pancakes blueberries my granola plain yoghurt wholesome unbelievably tasty other trees scattered around other cherries

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Eat Pie

little girls frolic with Chinese parasols in the twilight on the lawn beyond graceful they are playing-spirits of purity gracing us elder performing their perfect selves perfectly meanwhile three bats dash flapping zigzags over the field silhouetted against the sky vanishing against the circling trees they see me watching one flashes close tune harpsichord play Händel wash dishes eat pie

Friday, July 11, 2008

Mexican Feast

more spacious rhythm children playing remember play parents floating through the day exercises county fair sheep wrestling pig steering rides grandparents bailed presence absent until dinnertime Mexican feast actual mole poblano from Oaxaca Sidney's guacamole pico de gallo my tadziki (?) rice melange fresh tortillas beyond delish drifting around in the gloaming picking berries watering walk by the creek reading in the living room

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Tech Support

all day with tech support I arrive frazzled by the VR labyrinth you have to go through first Verizon is the worst pitches online help when you can't get online that's why you're calling they won't be provoked the second time thru I lost it spiced tirade with vulgarity ("bullshit") after a pause he said, "I didn't hear what you said" and "If you don't want to do what I say I can't help you" I calmed he fixed it but only temporarily patient Netgear people in India eventually decided it's a "hardware problem" sending new wireless router exactly the same

Then Go

unsendable disconnected an image of pitiful isolation in the midst of plenty people come and go talking of gas prices real estate Spain calling been there done that northern mountains calling new tires open road after visitation after work a week of application then go

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Bath Time

I love summer in spite of sneezes possibly moderated by herbs & C long days visitors wandering in & out until 9 then bath time horses like people clean Gabrielle turns out to be a natural Phoebe normally shy comes forth to meet us Genevieve patient play cat legos pick blueberries all easy thank you summer

Monday, July 07, 2008

Weed Free

Obama is a Marxist says Rick between iterations of the form I mildly demur you haven't read Marx he says and it's true I bet he has his wild associations punctuate our moves grass cut short bird swooping close flower beds weed free think weight shift down ground a meticulous technology think energy stolen wedding cake Times Square in the dark how to concentrate fog

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Too Full

writing easier than reading we're holding our breath before the onslaught various diversions half-planned my mother overprogrammed my visits otherwise nothing happens home truth launches picnics theme park waterfall county fair I should buy a sticker breeze right in car too full no room for me I'd go if I could good driver company

Saturday, July 05, 2008

That Fast

I'd rather wear linen but it has to be ironed in New York I took everything to the Chinese man and wife in their homey smelling half- basement around the corner on 4th Street opium not unlikely those days now distant innocence imagining worldliness and how Mahler Verdi Wagner Callas Olivier O'Hara to live breaking back still think that fast

Friday, July 04, 2008

Summer Days

strawberry shortcake made by me last best Totem dark red juicy ripe to celebrate our sixth Fourth here sitting on the verandah with Tom listen to birdsong admire the view holiday stop notice you're happy don't stop keep on keeping on the weeds don't stop peas blueberries need picking everything watering electric fence shockingly strong nothing lasts but long summer days can seem to go on forever

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Go Wild

better putter than flicker indoors tie up eucalyptus bachelor's button beach holly water this 'n' that better remember memorable fireworks past than brave traffic crowds our favorite field waist high in sticker grass nose itches at the thought I'd itch all over back to the garden today growing various looking good hot sun soundcheck first arrivals spreading blankets on the grass any other satisfying how about Weekapaug in the fog or Gay Pride night in the Village sitting edge above the river with Alfred can't beat those I want them choreographed more formal structure make us go wild

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Right Idea

imagine laughing with nary a care dread self-conscious cheerfulness locks real feeling outweighs hilarity meets actual heedless youth has the right idea

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Another Country

too late for Iran one can only hope Iraq is grief enough to turn around another country wrecked again who can brake our descent human living struggles on no alternative no hope except grace can't protect from evil far distant this how matters where you are I want to know to be there with you metaphysically be spared actual agony loss everything loved

Monday, June 30, 2008

Eternal Tear

not done doing France at length fluent in Italian fast cars good food vintage Chris-Craft private lake done dreaming in ads whole world before and after me I believe in Jorie Graham wish I could indent lines deregulate my units as in ordinary life I syncopate that we are doing the same thing same concerned less serious I shrug into whimsy try for light lazy classical reference unspoke eternal tear 'tween kindredest spirits never understand other only open recognition expression little earned our triple grief unfurls

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Universal Spin

horse reversal unexpected unfolding how things happen if they do a wordless beat gimme a whole day unmarked bad news housework gardening abstemious eating tedious agent search rethink approach screenplay fodder needs universal spin general prefer genre not everything has rational cop-out rewrite different is that what want should reform to that matrix?

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Grow Up

"Ken Park" overdubbed in Russian only plays on my computer crazy not to be able to get it in English powerful movie beautifully made touching characters finely acted so there is sex in it no hold back truer than "Weeds" must be class come on Netflix be brave grow up

Friday, June 27, 2008

Soft Cars

horse women off early shocking emptiness reeling Afghan echoes comedy back to bed happy visit plan party Vere July peach cake twiddle second visitor venting encouraged indescribable afternoon jump car city mix no dancing Beeethoven salad tulip perfect twilit espresso cafe park ballet company dubious $20 home ferry first blueberries nature here blurred ragged edges no grid trees hills clouds soft surface shimmies shiny white Kaiser Permanente box hard vehicles roll slow close following covers road hard scratch down landscape ruled emphatic lines dotted solid yellow white shape our way couldn't we have soft cars slide lightly through slow silent blurred

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Second Class

short absence elaborate preparation inevitably then you are gone nothing forgotten coming weekend to be hot fans ready bear heat better than cold second class in marketing books the secret of success is keeping on send off ten packages a week they like my pitch heartening haven't read a word

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Sad Shoes

Powell's not unreceptive transportation to or from twilight scenes for hours sneezing episode passes that's amazing consider grasses mowed calculate Boise Salt Lake Taos gas two hours Iran sad shoes Berlioz Debussy dieting that or larger pants ten pounds feel good about shape will self-control

Monday, June 23, 2008

Parallel World

random pattern who not me apparently Wimbledon begins early wills in action Schubert knows exactly what he's doing mind speed fingers make a little music fun drive Steve's Miata road too straight nap parallel world disconcerts return cucumber yogurt garlic dill what called stew enhanced upstages chilly chicken Jeff shows weight shift power throws DJ Utah Julian's favorite rocks quick home

Sunday, June 22, 2008

True Vibe

new sound nothing better close comfort leads to another season time for further express emotions sensing herbal option detox added nutrient ear worm presses evenness recovered history personalist destiny changing major excuses mostly forgotten dream real day-trash deposit within states border separates true vibe

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Strawberry Shortcake

I'm sneezing I'm blowing my nose my eyes are watering I am reading George Saunders and laughing waves of allergy symptoms overwhelm me I have to leave the room I take a pill I sound like a large dog barking is it from picking asparagus in the weed-choked field is it from playing ping-pong in the dusty garage is it from strawberry shortcake shall I seal up the house ah-choo! my eyes are stinging, burning I put in eye drops it helps for a minute I am sniffing, gasping swollen passages, swollen brain I used to have hay fever in the fall what has changed

Friday, June 20, 2008

The Greatest

Did I mention that "Jesse & Elvis" is now out? At Silver Falls I showed them how to stare at falling water, shift eyes to rock face, which squirms unsettlingly. South Falls was exceptionally robust. We walked behind it, admiring the spectacle, photographing each other. Hinrich's sunglasses fell off down the precipice into the wildflowers and ferns. Laurel was afraid Louisa would fall if she tried to retrieve them. Julian could have reached them, clinging to the railing, but Hinrich said he didn't want them. Julian thought he didn't want flowers. Pleasures of fatherhood are the greatest, my pong shots still working, learning modern media.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Amended Return

I finished "Whiteman," another terrific book by Tony D'Souza. What a good writer—I want to know him! I went to see my tax accountant about an erroneous decision (mine) that cost me thousands; she agreed; we will file an amended return. I was fatalistic, prepared to eat it, but I don't have to! More windows are sparkling, as was the pool today. Exposure to sunlight has starting giving me a rash so I wore a hat and dark glasses for the exercises part of my swim. Julian called from Yreka: will arrive tonight; I am staying up, if I can. I tidied and swept the garage so we can play ping-pong. Active is better than passive.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Wishful Dreams

chasing moles with buzzing spikes drive them away "go, mole, back to the viga" plus Tibetan monks chant not the right word but it worked in Taos dirt piles popping up on lawn I care less but still keep after them up five anyway Ichiguro interview envy real career intelligence might have been another person writing better harder deeper chosen path committed fortune smiling friend instead unserious wishful dreams

Monday, June 16, 2008

"Grand Duo"

fun playing Schubert "Grand Duo" with Christopher get brain up to speed pingpong ahead with Julian if my hips can take it last time quickly lame clean barn clean bathroom clean windows brightens house beer with guys after tai chi who am I doing anything helps

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Nothing Else

gallery sitting four hours flowers in paint wood pottery reading "Whiteman" dizzy juxtaposition strawberry festival in park long lines incomparable weather finally home wash windows always worthwhile eyes watering needed everything I do sneezes louder than mower seasonal allergy price of country living summer shoes my lovely linen J. Crew shirt I love linen wish to wear nothing else

Plenty Grief

wonderful couple every man deserves love partner can't imagine want alone what point all I wish is happiness for any choice good fortune plenty grief "Taxi Driver" sweetness my New York flavor stretching not to be trusted we see coming brilliance perfect formed asparagus field abandoned to weeds varied neighbors you cannot explain still hungry anticipate inevitable diet

Friday, June 13, 2008

Handy Reading

books bedside like food cans on dining table staging areas Proust Parfit Gaddis D'Souza Montaigne handy reading chair need play that makes me laugh why else bother something do barely adequate excuse order N. F. Simpson hope for guffaw crank windows mail books pull grass weeds cut hand skin like paper barrow heaps consume Betty Yeti strawberries yum

Thursday, June 12, 2008

All Right

too much nothing focus Mongolia Turkey Miami words ruin one's thoughts on top of broader fiasco but selenicereus bloomed song healed camel mother Alfred farce collected rave Julian will visit next week it looks like I'll be all right

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Blessed Surprise

if I follow instructions will I be rewarded is it too late to correct my contrary ways reinventing the world (theatre literature) hasn't exactly worked well no complaints I chose life and this is it blessed surprise writers want validation published read it all begins again satisfaction wants more

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Still Hungry

record cold June snow elsewhere blazing internet makes world all one place weather though local at least regional where here country city children students grownups old differences assert experience lessons learned forgotten saw Jimi Janice Rolling Thunder Olivier sat with Suzuki Trungpa less critical still hungry always satisfied

Monday, June 09, 2008

Five Hours

try keep busy after iris warming producer makes himself star no wonder appeal if most articulate five hours suffices for the night might try again if warm enough rise on extended hips once more substitute leader proven willing sincerity tatters insulation fixed predates unambiguous warning

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Yellow Poppies

Roger missed too much Rafa even better long-running Paris drama one must lose antivegan breakfast over Times an ideal day for change mow everything while can lunch nap ambushed only way out wake new slowness reveals present avalanche sweep studio play Handel read economics pull stray grass brush off the dirty house yellow poppies cinnamon toast where am I now realize who is and isn't here at last

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Good People

smarter after party Alexie's graduation hold hands to pray food vegan organic intensest chocolate singing show tunes appear to strangers smiling as oneself good people home

Friday, June 06, 2008

Bad Policy

more rain chill wind I don't even want to go outside much less swim work tennis fills wretched morning cold windy in Paris too much for June drought oil up news bad policy candidates exhausted changes always like this Obama future well

Funky Charm

repeat after me for a million dollars not very much these days can you live on it tiny townhouse units along the street each with its narrow garden some can build on theirs a long balcony overlooking the common space no Turtle Bay talk about moving in with horses forgotten shoulder bag cutting miters in the moldings radiator too far from the wall some funky charm not for us

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Live or Die

dead branches removed big walnut tree in our back yard is open airy will it recover shocked four years afterward by the brutal cutting of roots and limbs for a drain field had to be right there the creek the well will it live or die books arrive Vere and Kelley arrive from Mexico I open the Seghesio Zinfandel we toast the book Kelley's return to poetry familiar skittering jollity warmth good willing have fun interrupt strict march rhythm section swings

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Other Trees

dubious angel so cleanly played as reminder watch out the devil lurks in the seemingly innocent familiar faces not guaranteed benevolent century maple down quickly deep rotted ready fall swim climb rain ladder top of truck long chainsaw modest bites careful steady work developing forest different story next people start with other trees

Monday, June 02, 2008

Don't Fall

now on Amazon "Jesse & Elvis" Vere McCarty wherever you are whatever city messages you free again to consider ambition but there it is back pat scratch oh wow that feels good don't stop second act just beginning no beverages in seats internal reflections like final curtain difficult ballet passages Brahmsian density same thing but more romantic conversation overheard push to transfer weight don't fall

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Do Less

eliminate antenna distracted wireless better do less mourn Father Virgil willing body played Padre Serra no one ever intimidated gentle scholar gave himself who spirit here invisible awareness awaiting savior practicing Schumann helps desert island fantasies return Beethoven sonatas still my only good choice

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Right Now

"I hope you enjoy this crazy little novel" publication date tomorrow thanks Vere more to come real information follows acting aspect unknown 1982 a younger generation follows remember anything certainly an opening night on crutches ancient history the sixties even forties ended eighties nineties got away feels nothing follows all necessity continues make it right now history is depressing bad news follows every good boy home

Friday, May 30, 2008

Start Again

come on then connect this is all I can offer pleasant conversation custom crafted for you spontaneous outside routine preoccupations unacknowledged bliss to be alive right now yearn reach for more than human limitation this dark age requires young will start again

Thursday, May 29, 2008

On the Fly

everybody comes from somewhere old timers less recent only farm families stay nothing else endures son of Latvian oil baron beats Blake Paris day long over match less momentous if you know who wins mall restaurant rejected Grand Vines happening on the fly suits us small table portions easily intimate

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Surf Cowboys

tree planting satisfaction guaranteed not necessarily lasting deer butchered the last ones Faustino put them in too deep leaf curl hideous despite unpleasant spraying these perfect springing upward promising flowers fruit foliage and shade middle foreground losing big walnut a serious catastrophe whole computer architecture changing office metaphor old world ready or not like vines climbing chimney sweep away past digital archives lost media still talking about literature here goes western surf cowboys could care less future past interest if true will recognize untenable ignorant confusing

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Warm Snow

horse noises in the dark barn something lurking in my studio fluff drifting warm snow Swedish Russians know snow too well depression viral change music fast crabapples tree surgeons insulation man pool unroofed mark seasonal cadenza redemptive irises only beginning middle way too beautiful sound imitating sound

Monday, May 26, 2008

Right On

stimulating conversation beats tai chi can't I have both all yes yes I am the affirmer something terrible is going to happen here we need to be very very careful how are we entitled to be immune are not clear about Alzheimer's all we can everything right illusions fall how could we told you so but you went right on

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Inner Light

show me your (yoga) I'll show you mine learned from Jean-Claude's teacher Ravi Singh Westbeth 1989 stretches think Sat Nam no words only breathing inner light share a movie violin melody read in bed fall asleep dream of you expanding view point one complaint deserves no rebuke accepting change initiate brighter night

Stand Still

how long can a deer stand still how long can I some things moving others paused four thin legs steadier than my two ears follow unseen action words accumulate eventual tail twitch lick lips wander off

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Good Thing

pitter-patter good thing I closed car windows Tom came out and walked on the windowsill carefully straddling the glass independence illusory distinction to be for versus live for the other covenant homily puzzle wedding not our style no one talk to wish them well

Let Be

the face of God is my own face turned inside out one's own face seen from the inside real vision meditating dream of neediness released let be fears assuaged

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Whole Man

poor Ted Kennedy richly alive essential senator invaluable solid voice of reason felled unfairly illness isn't fair everybody vulnerable it's miraculous we exist at all such complex systems intricate balance details proliferate infinite beyond design analysis entertaining useful wrong tool understand appreciate great whole man

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Mood Swings

weather matters too much here windy chilly or too hot rainy gray or blazing sun grass immediately shaggy flowers falling over grew too fast mood swings who really cares largely spared in city dash room room stroll when it's nice

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Green World

jump time read Times and I'm back in the green world glad home O.K. to be sad parting regret one joke otherwise perfect happy every sec a family illusion even Buddha suffering

Monday, May 19, 2008

Best Fun

real as ever Indies roll over look at me alarms my ego performing thrill professes praise deserved remember one a year good will given whether worded wedded bonhomie ambivalence as ever wields explicit envy regrets bravely breasted appropriate or not full moon parking structure to the last experienced my choice real as dream transcribed we happy few don't stop appreciate or not best fun rehearsing mysterious aim I won for lights thank you what it takes belief beyond reviews applause safely riding air

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Full Hearts

so very pleasant to be together family sister son laughing bloopers weeping Masterpiece Theatre took me away brought me back I wish it would never end tomorrow we go on other connecting full hearts at ease beyond thanks acceptance

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Come Together

question return anniversary calls it's what sixteen worth trip bone break damage mending meanwhile Santa Barbara family pleasures farmers' market running lines Summerland beach ideal afternoon meaning theatre beyond therapy art way of life Xerxes alive at the table Lit Moon's "Wedding" music sparkle dances beautiful spirit intention come together worship creation act as if true

Fresh Energy

train roaring cawing ugly birds "Omnium Gatherum" an artifact of overkill family scattered far from natural allies most careers equally diffuse can be thinking pattern recognition marriage redefined good news we need staples removed healing herbs added to pain relief practicality questions warm waning interest how much matters where we are fresh energy arises with the sun two days running hot ripening local crops elusive last desires

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Usual Sights

extreme familiarity this turn shop shortcut crosstown timing accelerate brake lights jacarandas usual sights comfort attract would I live here if I could yes I might have a simple little house on Quinientos or some such street warm all year go nowhere let them come to me too much better than too little obligation long met to see appreciate it all missing Mark Morris by one day unbearable regret missed years identity staked out gone sometimes here apologies accepting changing record admirable wonderful healing takes me home

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Air Speed

John Cage said that fear in life is the fear of change. If I may add to that: nothing can avoid changing. It's the only thing you can count on. Because life doesn't have any other possibility, everyone can be measured by his adaptability to change. (Robert Rauschenberg) alone in the sky rushing through air speed holding us all up closed into separate solitudes changing places then there self left behind chemistry disrupted to appreciate warm soft atmosphere convenient services hurtling sister civilization Knowing more only encourages your limitations. (R.R.)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Moon Mad

packed ready easy practice pays and if I don't have the ideal shirt nobody knows my dubious style whatever impression I make not Tyrone Power my own father in his time haunts my anticipation count forward liftoff merely one transition goal receding phases moon mad good as any answer

Monday, May 12, 2008

Few Bucks

"We know these guys in Google and the eBay guys, and they are not any happier than anyone else. A lot of money is a burden." (Craig Newmark) which world is real media jabber serious people talk the line aware their own performances careers clever lucky few can choose may truly dubious need multimillions to merely live once one of them it takes imagination to remember anything else ordinary everyday few bucks unpredictable future less worthy important statistic

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Fear of Phoning

to go or not to go sooner whether to change my reservation whatever the extra cost rent a car if needed ouch let's talk the fares are rising reality developing play personality confuses judgment my own inertia communication breakdown fear of phoning late evades responsibility O. K. do it happy help when I can

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Move On

wrong glasses where is my book some discrimination not all films worth watching you'd think people must be stupid existing itself worthwhile I have to question move on there is but oh poignant failure equally well intended symbols goodness talent in mud mind blur comes over sentimental allowance you have be tough

Friday, May 09, 2008

Still Alive

why is the new mall so badly designed incoherent approach roads senseless orientation of entrances stupid forms replicating causing willing customers to wander in confusion wasting time complaining doesn't help the present endeavor misdirected styling savvy displaces common sensible process key words forget it I would do better if I were a civil engineer (Dad's idea) what actually fate accident interact inevitable fact once happens there you are not me not late Vonnegut stand aside watch yourself go by wave marvel that you're still alive

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Ti 22

titanium sneaking in my titanium watch titanium laptop Mac I gave to Julian titanium Guggenheim Bilbao titanium rod in Alfred's femur light strong corrosion resistant non-ferromagnetic creepless titanium is a marvelously useful element yes Ti 22 tricky costly to extract modern technology medicine skill fix break fast spare loved one pain consider titanium know we're lucky to live now

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Broken Leg

woken by a broken leg long distance sympathy all day phone following repair apparent success thanks Cottage Hospital nothing else compares accident sudden change normal reality reappears slowly shock diminishes patience its own reward undefended children's pains helpless to spare watch from afar hoping positive outcome sorely implicate never released

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Searing Drama

sentencing your own son to death now that's a searing drama I don't have to say it any old words will do to do what I need to do now I know another set of tasks another kit of determination patience equanimity apply as needed to affected part

Monday, May 05, 2008

No Match

died what a word precious Hanon Reznikov unrecognized devoted to Judith his own singular vision no more in a moment snapped perspective shifts to historical record of realizations manifest deeper more intricate devices steady perseverance triumphed fabulous evanescence beats us all in the end you have to do it again again or nothing memory no match flaming theatrical now

Sunday, May 04, 2008

God of Frogs

What accounts for luck? The complexity of systems. My predicament is only a dream and I know it. How did I learn to be like this? Was it in the boat? I was the god of frogs, one of many. Anything might eat me but probably wouldn't: I am lucky. I'd rather think it isn't luck (that is rewarded) but accomplishment. How did Bach? Muster exacting patience. Where can we meet? How can we be together that way again?

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Even Less

self-reflective intelligence diminished patient attention is the hardest holding your arms up for three hours injured boy crying tender trust cold water bandaid we are twins so I can be happy with even less

Friday, May 02, 2008

Bad Habits

full-length day goes on a long time writing done before breakfast if it matters blew it long ago sacrifice the morning wheelbarrow weeds compost pile overflowing I need discipline bad habits not enough

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Beyond Style

I am writer do I say what I think yes but the medium is message yes but not actually about anything thinking is the thought itself irony not rhetoric rather way of seeing self-protection for the serious the least of it our predicament beyond style seriously grown up road words writ at phone booth bright island in deep darkness mind response to Keith Gessen

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

This Rising

Each day further seeking elusive meaning truth compelled arise first light remind affirm obligatory action plan nothing more or less dedicated memory filters clean obscurities brushing bodies together generate feeling warmth too much long embrace minds rushing disengagement furthers quest appeal createdness this turning this rising this exact sensation finding its expression

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Lost Real

monetized food everything smokescreen lost real birds weather human aspiration survival mocked perilous passage natural beauties keen Siberiade Living biz art song bliss emails from sleepyhead pulsing static irritates new tree completing pair full day feels void accomplishments of no price

Monday, April 28, 2008

Invisible Engine

thinking of you memo subject line corpthink militerrible creeps out disguised as convenience another character enters says something banal obviously means something else why else write rains anyway up two hours later two earlier too words adding up thanks immune response cold short shallow not pneumonia yet still plenty sleep dream wakes nap bed vibrating invisible engine what's that me

Deep Focus

Never silence again. Never tulips safe above and below the surface. Always light, sooner or later, wet or dry. Observe the green pen forming letters. Correct dosage becomes transparent, like words. The moral is repetition, another day inviting redemption. Deep focus.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Booby Trap

nothing do say why be gallery sitting nobody six in three hours does that count dreams a booby trap twang heart strings but no one is there to answer more people all over does each count less easy write hard read if ever matter matches swatches badly dyed if anyone cares

Friday, April 25, 2008

Hanging In

Hanon stricken, war drags on, another cold vile in my throat. Dreams wake me and aching hips. I'd rather be sleeping—it's only four— but this is not so bad, Vitamin C in orange juice, organic, English breakfast tea in my Powell's mug. Trivial comforts do not comfort but one goes on honoring workable loving, working mind while the moment lasts. This is a tribute to another poem and my heroes, hanging in.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Daily Weather

nothing untoward inside I can eat again looking forward kept me going throat sore though & still cold wet not complaining just mentioning daily weather colors mood action narrative style more than war politics other news luckily not here

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

What Works

routine underpins freedom choose what works persist change easily circumstance better ideas naturally arise nothing permanent anyway sticky as it feels right now one little thought enough all-day wind no solid food

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Sun Days

international scheming to sell Vere's book almost here focus energy think how much everybody will enjoy it I do whooda thunk abyss of dismay disorienting dreams black cow lies down heavy loose touch black face waves of dissolution think chases in brain hollow gaping permanent winter only mid- April only six months cold soil saturated slowly spring unfolds sun days will come

Monday, April 21, 2008

Terrible Things

you don't expect terrible things to happen but you're not exactly surprised when they do 149 movies on my Netflix queue dojo dissolving no tai chi next week up at 5 again writing before breakfast type old poems planning chapbook 22 books read so far this year 44 films mostly forgotten New Yorkers piling up my own fate sealed only when unpredictable worry more about precious beloved world

Sunday, April 20, 2008

More Silence

Seize more silence. Thanks for being make no sense. If not you who? Absent resistance, I sink like a stone Buddha, eager for mud, indifferent to meaning. Is that what love is? No escaping rhythm. Shelves of books now gone became a faith in writing. What could not be said could be written down. Someone will scrutinize the words arising, before fleeing—but there is no place to go. We are here or not.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Dreaming Peace

if animals have personalities so should we contact lenses make a person feel normal slowly fighting back weeds is sweet work for limited understanding sadly deaf too many of us are never thinking clearly or acting on our thoughts what can be done another power grab another sick empire still dreaming peace and universal love

Friday, April 18, 2008

Good Stuff

nothing or freedom empty or ready for anything chilly or surprisingly mild depends on how you look at it good stuff here used up or published for all time seizing is action career moves or what thinking new thoughts seeing clearly again for the first time

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Real Change

discipline emptiness real change reveals the real napping mow channel surfing sexy

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Flow State

tulips killed moles eat bulbs grrrr two hours writing before morning satisfyingly lengthens usable day post-festival nothing presses do I or trust naturally occurring flow state sweetest pleasure so elusive plot includes car repair Schumann songs poetry party literary tasks "Andrei Rublev" appalling glimpse other realities I can't comprehend tame limits only threat body fails accident nuclear karma overdue

It All

thoughts pouring images of action being someone who does something besides just living leaving record fugue spontaneous books files boxes of pages neatly labeled bourgeois refinements no one reads will ever read ponder here a fragment there a spark is that enough what an idea madly scribble till I drop actual letters carefully formed every word legible insertion try to say it all

Monday, April 14, 2008

Black Mold

normally things happen pretty much the way you expect and when they don't it can be refreshingly easy to adapt tai chi floor torn up black mold in the corner under leak interview shoot postponed cameraman missed his flight surprise me said Diaghilev to Cocteau historic paradigm spring clean my studio in preparation planning costume stay home watch "Wedding Crashers" do something else

Sunday, April 13, 2008

New Noise

when Mozart stops (when I stop playing Mozart) a new noise low rumbling like a distant waterfall plus a deep resonance plus the usual foreground sizzle heard through it snores fan filter clock clicks as if preparing to strike the latest hour word care week extended ended with a feast five poets food wine cello venue vineyard all arrangements proved ideal do what it takes not that long although I'm missing Alfred as Xerxes a lighting gig Mozart thinking what else happens

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Further Fun

I have to stay up two more hours maybe I should get up two hours earlier like William Stafford now spring is here it's warm enough I invented this routine it works not well enough works languish unrealized stagnation setting in one thought losing momentum still spirit rises like an erection seeking occasion or further fun the form is repetition ever new findings bear surprise results

Take That

more arrogant than serious wham take that I know it's true I'm bad I can change ha ha too late for that Rutsala Scates read talk wonderful writers listen learn be inspired not emulate send books practice blog meanwhile they're terrific poetry grand humane tradition deepest inquiry discovery facing of facts make things of beauty even now a handful gathering understand right about what matters most

Friday, April 11, 2008

More Zen

what am I doing wrong not too many poets surely more speaking better each purely giving diving rich impressions pell mell logistics only trouble distracted phone call choosing that we can do in feathers be more zen

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Country Ways

writer isolation necessary price painful frustrating die yearning Schumann expresses perfectly surely our common experience or am I lost here on the farm fond country ways fading gone irrational politics development when all I value is sensibility writing happens where I am life the subject and the frame inevitable struggle purely play one destiny wrangled into art

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Puff Guard

small town living at its best my glasses recovered put into my hand in the middle of the street poets baring their souls in the crowded bakery John's photos of Portugal and Italy on the walls new puff guard improving the sound beneath the bonhomie who knows what darker passions seethe ropes end hearing insult in an offhand joke no one is helping indeed it's too much if you think it is I did last year now I'm rolling don't really care glad of any success

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Real Thing

actual thoughts arise thanks Coetzee but you'll have to wait till I write the essay as I was on my way to the pool sometimes I pull off the road and write in the notepad ever ready almost full smooth turns of phrase memorized scratch thought words at a red light try not to write till I am writing save it for the real thing watch this space

Monday, April 07, 2008

Better Fantasy

people reappear proving other places exist Arthurian midsummer at the Dragon's Egg appeals more than Guatemala myself king better fantasy than act I only trust words vide Bacon they are world enough poetic equivalents inspired by our wildest visions

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Too Much

1990 Living Theatre tour reviews remind me that I never understood "The Tablets" in spite of running lights for it many times. I wrote myself a little speech to introduce today's poets; I do know how to write a speech. Kim Stafford tells me not sending out my books is not humility but arrogance. Too much to think about.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Other Speaking

poets win my respect though I never wanted to be one my blogposts may look like poems but are not they are something else nor poetry nor prose blog lives in cyberland immediately published freely accessible something new poets do other speaking Ger Killeen Kate Gray Tom Blood lovable being

Lost Youth

when I was young and beautiful you said eight years ago you were twenty I thought but eight years ago you were twenty-eight whole decades lost youth beauty forever reimagined betrayal irresistible happiness justifies cruel disregard only understand

Friday, April 04, 2008

Fat Books

which poem is my favorite each seems vague exacting unintimidated less obscure di Prima O'Hara Merrill take all fat books poets no one makes time enough to read like music doing assumed form hide rhyming artifice distracts from what to say

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Leafing Out

the highway turned into a Wayne Thiebaud bright cars nosing straight up picture plane following each other's scent striped road lined with orange cones construction stuff curbs people cherries blossoming hemlocks winter sketches just thinking about leafing out

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

You Too

yes I can will you let me can we meet will this be satisfactory not the first time someplace new what do you think again and again are you all right do you doubt me I beg your pardon you too what are we waiting for

Monday, March 31, 2008

Class Project

I can't judge kids' poems formula poems for class project fold into contest say anything something packed into words best don't center your lines looks dumb makes me squirrely whole thing I recuse myself agreeing

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Talent Show

my acting career begins break through performances lowest stakes new confidence I can if I must keep weeks interesting Dead Poets talent show robed red hat laurel garland rescue remedy rely accrued presence no illusion only being myself

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Potential Grace

Dante Heine Storni Carver meet read remarkable convergence crisis death minds expressing themselves poetry why conventional self-programmed who thinks himself as free then free yourself loosen frameworks routine clean toilet eleven p.m. Mendelssohn clashes ringing desiring peace fears lost civility attention knowledge arts is this my best lazy spacy bumbling works well enough no one pays nor waits only to release potential grace

Friday, March 28, 2008

Other Fights

how many foreign bases really what are we doing promise win war recover instead pick other fights institutionalize disaster good guys bearing arms betray our finest values fog words confuse mind despair of ruined world aging saps new eternity

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Less Variety

some I like some dis this mystery affinity fails moral measure thanks to Lou Reed honest human craft tells what seen best less variety in drag people I knew when original first ripens bright spot leopard lion she-wolf fleers give a poet the bow