The Doing

things that happen are not all
the things I do modeling self
as I see it emerge transformed
this is not Rimbaud speaking of
waking up smelly still stoned
this is the body conscious of gain
and loss that was never there
something else will not save me
from real made to order fantasy 
like a merciful anesthetic again
opening up heaven's overflow
sun pours in celestial clockwork
grinding away from inside out
ecstatic if understood right
as it happens I am the doing