As If

 it is as if we were here when we were
imagining thought even the timely body
scratching squirming stretching awake
as if never before and always once again

it is as if one plus one were still one now
and always will be even eventually gone
as if you've grown part of who I really am
no need to repeat remember it's all inside

it is as if we knew all along and couldn't
quite say but lived it putting away dishes
making the bed taking care of the physical
as if that was all we could do and enough

Last Word

narrow is deep wide inclusive
one thing reveals the rest and
everything must be mentioned
where to start makes you think
how many days hours instants
give the lie as all of it merges
unity in complexity vice versa
long run big picture last word

Ideas of Self

 when you're alone do you
exist how
would I know you tell me

the other not needed helps
it matter
whether or not you think

we're all busy with other
connected
ideas of self interacting

so masturbate or don't
no one cares
if you're not really there

you may find what you
missed again
when you forgot to come
or didn't
remember who you are

Fireworks

 a scattering of raindrops
pattering on the skylight
furnace stops stove ticks
the hour before midnight

a year everyone hated
ending without a ripple
eternal music of the stars
humming in human ears

I am only here right now
laying down a basic groove
synthesizing the raw data
needed for a celebration

shower passed or paused
I listen for perfect silence
behind the buzzy drone
deaf to the nonexistent

fireworks sound and light
only in the back of mind
flowing into easy words
no call to make it harder

Only Visiing

 castles exist
though we only have a house

and a few acres
people live in them
overwhelmed by history
nature surrenders
to fencing and saws
new trees a new community
animals well fed
heirlooms abound
new stuff doesn't last as long
or deeply satisfy
the old is someone else's
you are only visiting

My Things

I came to get my things

I am here to get my things

I am now taking my things

I took my things with me when I went

I am leaving everything

I am never coming back

no regrets

Natural Prayer

 1
do we even remember how it was

to be close to other people excited

to be part of a crowd moved as one
all that changed temporarily then
not perhaps never coming back 

2
nothing actually happens until
something does our life random
yet repetitious original yet banal
our own yet biological historical

3
is it too late for Spinoza
or Schopenauer yes I fear
I have frittered away my life
infected by Surrealism attention
is the natural prayer of the soul

New Glasses

not seeing itself

but what you see

old issues dissolve

with new glasses

there's the world

let noise be music

off the radio silence

roars hums secrets

into open ears

Mood Swings

are mood swings permitted in this play
ground swells from a storm elsewhere
reach across life without losing power

even now childhood traumas matter if
you think they do who are you anyway
if not fully formed from the very first

I wish I could start fresh but never was
could only fail because the country had
betrayed Lew's confidence Dot's desire

I expect what I was expected to expect
even now love's white-out substitutes
for being what I never could become

Loose Change

the news doesn't have the answers
what you wonder is not revealed
in facts or lies a proper face put on
for the occasion melts later at home
when you're all alone with gravity

don't ask nature for excuses either
early night lasts longer every day
until the annual reversal the dead
reviving doesn't apply to animals
like you and me and those we love

the sun blazes away behind clouds
indifferent to its local dominance
is there life on other planets do you
care who knows your secrets can I
tell if what you say is wholly true

and further questions we'll discuss
the death of friends lost ecstasies
episodes of fading faith extend to
mornings like this dark and rainy
days counted out like loose change