Perfect Weather

not always knowing better is a relief if you believe it
how people swim vehicles they drive how they live
perfect is how I would do it if I could do it perfectly

anything but ordinary discovers itself to be much
like everyone else pleased with a summer barbecue
blessed with perfect weather functional company

everybody does something especially the chefs
enough chairs for all appear in the circle of shade
tears of memory and mutual love well up in all eyes

Fellow History

taking time out to read
no one notices you are
not "missing" missing
anything needed every
minute of a perfect day

otherwise you would be
exhausted remembering
why we are all together
diverse cohesion binds
fellow history runs deep

Only Yourself

sanity is correct understanding if you accept
that one way of seeing can be truer than another
are you only yourself or a representative human
what is true for you may not be true for everybody
if truth is virtue how can anyone then be good

More Energy (2)

if I'm going to brag about it
I have to do it thus I do it
feeds intself no need to try

more people bring more
energy but not to a purpose
unless you have one yourself

I do and continually pursue
questions of meaning identity
what is really happening here

in the process learning what
you might call humility if
one dared to own up to it

Even So

apologies are all I can offer
resolving to mend my ways
stop indulging in arrogance
it's embarrassing forgive my
daily errors as Seneca would
go on being himself even so

More Energy

not quite collapsing I
stumble from task to task
of course not workouts
swimming keep me fit

everything necessary
and more is done it's
enough I can relax
as the crowd gathers

they bring more energy
we all feed each other
personalities obsessions
ideas how to do it better

My Knowing

if I could but think
and say my knowing
I would be wise enough
to give consent instead
constrained by others'
cunning misinformed
robbed of my modest
fortune

For Eggs

I talk to my chickens
address them as ladies
inquire of their health
suggest they be nicer
to their little friend
thank them for eggs
sure they understand
how much I like them

Big Words

chocolate music Brahms Carter
counting on oxygen gravitation
intervene against neural decline
reasserting our possible nobility
big words mean more business
personal flourishes boost flavor

Real People

erase all that start over with a fresh idea
be no less blunt good words don't hurt
despite the fog of vague associations
the idea is me and in me will come out
what I wrote before no longer satisfies
circumstances reinvented by time alone
what I wanted then not what I want now
say more or less what I think life means
this slippery secret journey between real
people and consructs of wandering mind

Morning Sun

awake not that different
if you can't move about
practice waking actions

you sit in your chair see
shadows of the morning
sun move across a room

remember being in bed
lost in secret dreaming
did you actually get up

later a nap after action
punctuates the daylight
lying down eyes closed

if I sound depressed it
may be viral transitory
afflictions come and go

A Lovely Attitude

it's nice to be paid
but I'd do it anyway
is a lovely attitude
if you can afford it
fortunately I can

No Trace

reading and thinking of something else
a thought like a dream leaves no trace
I was there and also somewhere other
also here where I had been all along

I Wonder

How am I existing? In the space between watching a Times video and writing something, what exists? This body, this consciousness. Shall I have something to eat? Why do anything? Who is doing it? Suddenly I wonder, then again. I itch. I breathe. I am still. Silence is a roaring in my ears, the slow rhythmic puff of the oxygen concentrator, the rustling of my movements in the chair, a peep from my stomach. Do I exist by writing? How does it help?

Slow Decline

whether to turn my head
do the next thing or not
stasis abruptly pleasant

I deserve a few pauses
in the steady unfurling
writing and tidying up

aged father's stillness
on an Acapulco balcony
models a slow decline

Forgive Yourself

the gaps reveal
all you didn't do
you were doing
something else

forgive yourself
for all omissions
rather consider
all that was done

Strange Characters

that this is the one possibility
though circumstances vary widely
and will change willy-nilly
though we feel completely stuck

inevitable in retrospect
we didn't know it at the time
strange characters as president
making the same mistakes again

so this is what we turned into
unified by name and family story
unique and like everyone else's
rich or poor win or lose we all die

Self Body

sex is self
existence
reaffirmed
the body me

more self
expansive
expressing
existence

reaffirmed
self body
expands
exists

The Night

this is the night the Queen blossoms
twice and just for us enormous bursts
of spikes and petals extruded from the
sides of leaves on random stalks interior
architecture fit for one Amazonian moth
heavy scent seduction beyond sweetness
worth waking up and getting out of bed
to marvel at this natural magnificence
gone by daylight like the bliss of love

Even Less

whatever time it is someone
is barely falling asleep so be
quiet unless you have to sing

still until you have to dance
give in completely if you can
wait an hour it will be better

no need to say goodbye again
it's only for a little while we
do this every year or even less

Too Real

what came before reappears
as magnificent as ever now
you knowing how to see
what occurs within range

three-year-old legs strong
but not long to run ahead
returns in self-awareness
benefit all honest viewers

after the everyday drama
a too real naptime dream
fine grandparental dinner
a movie helps forget it all

reaffirms a meta-continuity
in a precious shared parade
leads to the hour of just me
before sleep's weird oblivion

Four Words

my eyes crossing
limits what I can do
too tired to type I
can't form four words

Awake Again

a movie in my mind I
must be falling asleep
then I am awake again
everything is the same
the movie flashes by
outwinks the flasher
he manages to bring
my $15,000 something
is right with the world

One Step

standing on a slope
leaning into it
one step at a time
flex ankles
trudge ahead
flatness abounds
laser-leveled
turbulent art
expands to twice

go then if you must
return in sunlight
alone forever
abandon cities
overthrow kings
and then what
doves butterflies
further interests
shyly unfold

Two People

every nuance is symbolic
of something lived before
its hidden intentionality
overriding normal pleasure
we must endeavor to relax
which ought to be natural

we can never be just any
one or two people together
clear in each other's eyes
if we could pay attention
I am the father you the son
every encounter a tragedy

equally the greatest joy
most valued of creations
transcendent continuity
in the form of a real man
discovering being itself
delivering his own child

Alien Doves

it isn't morning anymore
the alien doves are sleeping
you're abed I'll follow soon
after wrapping up the day

my innocence is still intact
in spite of knowing better
it's obvious what matters
despite everything they say

today Man reached Jupiter
far beyond this trivial air
as if going were a higher goal
than doing one's best at home

More Fun

something important happened
in the dream I can't remember
our town fireworks privatized
hooray for the Fourth anyway
I can have more fun in the city
all I do here anymore is weed
I'll make blueberry pancakes
for myself then go to the gym
drive into Portland see Alfred
celebrate the country I loved

Everyday Fun

"…what an innocuous, insignificant prank it is to write all these things down!" (Robert Walser)

such is so much
summer visitors
everyday fun

lightly light
cerulean sky
illumination

hours open up
doing tasks
I think of you

This Chair

so this is it he thought in the bright morning
with a clarity only wanting the windows to be washed
which he would do after cleaning the house
this is the car I will go on driving from now to the end
the persona I have constructed after all these years
choices made for reasons I barely recognize
leading to this chair this day this crowing cock

Don't Ask

if I don't ask
I won't mind
no answers

doesn't do it
for me either
before bed

our leader
promised me
slow failing

so I go on
not knowing
who I am