Natural Beauty

rainbows are corny but uplifting
God's promise is it or evidence
of natural beauty in divine order

synchronizing my movements
with my tai chi teacher gives
pleasure like musical rhythm

words for thoughts are waiting
do I find them or do they find me
ready to breathe and shift weight

Making Plans

you think this is everything
because it is all you have
and now the only moment

well yes but there are other
universes other people are
making plans for next year

age can't define whole life
or nourishment be skipped
without dire implications

Get Help

is it too late for further improvement
just as we were approaching the ideal
remodel the guest bathroom move the
slightly misplaced ceiling lights above
the dining room table and the piano
get help with the horses and gardens
weed the flowers kill the blackberries
make the creek walk a beautiful park
or is it time to plan an orderly retreat

A Hint

this is easier than writing it all out
assuming we all have the same life
I don't have to tell you about mine
we both understand the implication
why elucidate an idea a hint will do
you will know what I mean vaguely

New Input

on the road between originality and accessibility
actual words perverse and obscene music beautiful

this could all be explained if you want to go there
personally I prefer to keep it vague and blurred

friends in other time zones can't replace legibility
active study of everything reveal so much more

visitors from abroad keep me in touch with new
input knowing doing anything helps one stay sane

Too Busy

this will interest you
(films by Harry Dodge)
from one generation to
one or more of the following

have their own interests
don't share the references
(music by Nico Muhly)
are too busy to care about
anything you don't already know

who's ahead of whom
is there any appreciation
(books by Patti Smith)
yes there is yes definitely there is

Just Eat

one's last anything what a
thought what else is there

instead of dinner just eat
independence unrelatable

potentially assisted living
if you can't do it yourself

All Wrong

what I am not managing to say
or even think is beyond entropy
which applies to closed systems
I'm open energy keeps coming in
though not as fast as it's going out

what I mean is what I really feel
living these rapidly changing times
as if it finally caught up with me
I scramble to accept the situation
though so much of it is all wrong

what I mean to say is I know that
but I never have facts to prove it
personally comfortable for now
conscious of being compromised
ready as I can be for whatever is

Letting Go

rain thinks of other rain
other roofs back to boy
kept inside being bored
read dream play games
with mother or cousins
awning edges dripping
a row of shining drops
one by one letting go

or else go out fight wet
with wet raincoat boots
or nothing if it's warm
you're alone in woods
no one to see or judge
emphatically grounded
neutral energy ready
for a next mad charge

Very Little

the blueberries will survive without weeding
but will I I have to stop myself from busyness
work conversing nap errands dining dishes
the car mats had to be washed and put away
the chicken water collapsed needed cleaning
hung up multiple pairs of corduroys realizing
I have a ridiculous range of choices of pants
and very little occasion to vary my wardrobe
L. L. Bean is so easy a few clicks they arrive
before that I did laundry air-dried the sheets
I didn't remake the guest room bed I stopped

Too Soon

even then I didn't know
how everybody eats
and gets along

always the same stories
only half imagining
the basic facts

but I was actually there
and paying attention
I have to know

now I am too long gone
thinking it signified
more than love

beyond feeling is nothing
but texts and pretexts
ended too soon

Good Feelings

did you have something else to do in Portland
or did you come just to see me I imagine asking
if we get that friendly and I don't see why not
we like so many of the same people and worlds

is this a story or the continuation of an old one
or is there just one story with numberless details
I would like to keep it going keep figuring it out
keep finding new good feelings for people I know

Part One

I am still living not done yet
something new occurs to me
I don't think I already know

nor is confusion any excuse
if confused one acts anyway
clarity the moment of doing

who you were then part one
one part of who you are now
made up from the same stuff

Do Something

wringing my hands which are swollen inflamed
itching stinging burning with some weird reaction
to the outdoors sun plant matter no one knows what
I'll go the top docs for tests as soon as they can see me
(June) without much faith that they will learn enough to
prevent this vernal recurrence but I have to do something

Smaller Casts

we buzzed but the door was open
in those days everyone came in
smoked talked listened to opera
drinking Pepsis instead of Cokes

later there'd be nothing to do but
read or write watch movies play
the piano no end to that pleasure
although no one listens anymore

smaller casts took over all over
except in revolutionary settings
when it wasn't art but all too real
and we went on playing ourselves

How to Live

who I was then is like a
different picture of what
I thought I knew how to
live quietly and do work

everything changed when
I realized I had to move
elsewhere and say other
stuff about the world

comparatively real we
devoted ourselves to art
and making sense of
what doesn't make any

when we thought it did
we were naive and had
to learn through hard
experience and knocks

the original me came
back then with bells on
keeping it together and
secure for a little while

Trying to Read

my glasses have a mind of their own
or as many minds as there are pairs I
need for different purposes a screen
a challenge or sharps and naturals in
piano music or simply trying to read
a breakfast newspaper book at lunch

I often walk around without glasses
or set them aside at the dinner table
I hardly need to see to eat enjoy soft
eyes taking it all in not spelling it out
or reading every word I chance to see
as if fearing I might miss something

Just Fine

an empty salon a vase of dead flowers
enormous misadventure displaces art
too much furniture everything is used
drawers full organized a need created
by rearing conventional bo-ho whimsy
manifest as cloth wood polished brass
accents you seem to be doing just fine

Ten Fingers

"…those parts which I couldn't actually hear sounded best of all." (Glenn Gould)

practice all the more essential
after you can already play it
every other episode smudged
as if I hadn't done it before
the turn that makes it Mozart
tripping me eacb time it comes

imagine if I could concentrate
how perfectly the notes arise
so Beethoven builds his house
nailing intention with gestures
of ten fingers body and mind
momentarily musically one

Not Nothing

milk is not water although liquid
air is not nothing though invisible
anything is what it is if we say so
otherwise it could easily disappear

everything is mostly empty space
energy we misapprehend as mass
fooling everyone who wants to be
spoken of as if they actually exist

My Time

balance is my name or game
both my unarticulated motto
work rest discipline indulge
measured energy idle action

if I say exactly what I mean
who will understand or care
it is a way of being only me
lover friend artist of existing

each word a gesture painting
like the New York School I
love for being of my time as
if I too might be significant

No Regrets

the merely practical problem of
making a new life in a new place
after the old became impossible
this the actual story of my life
no regrets or protesting of fate
no illusion of ruined continuity
no regard for might have been
no choice but to press on with
the merely practical problem of
persisting alive for another day

Nothing Else

who cares that it's me except me
everybody has a life only they
are really interested in so what
if I am doing this or that today
feeling whatever it is I may feel
as if reporting it made it matter
what actually happens is enough
only because there's nothing else

Tempo

did I learn anything new today
that most of the wisteria stems
were dead and that weeding the
blueberries is too much for me
I had to take a nap before lunch
I'm not complaining at least yet
just mentioning aches and loss
of stamina breath visual acuity
it's mainly a question of tempo

Knowing Better

it doesn't matter what I think I realize
it is no longer relevant in fact I don't
understand clarity is actually receding

I am the target demographic now for
hearing aids not houses or consumer
products I already have what I need

even knowing better I don't presume
to flaunt a dated taste for outrage or
dictate what young people should like

what I was reaching for I have reached
my indiosyncratic construct of what
I managed to make of a particular life

Force Yourself

don't force yourself but do
force yourself a little bit
otherwise nothing gets done
then when it's done relax

Fresh Ideas

it's okay to stop you can
start again
where you left off
possibly with fresh ideas

spell it out
if you can remember the words
or who said them to you
and why

or think something else entirely
abstract or imagistic
not obviously relevant
to what you were talking about before

About Bach

even the best politicians
don't care about Bach
his sublime forms and
harmonies can't save us
from their good or bad
hopes aims aspirations
or other human faults

still it helps to declare
Bachian perfection as
he wrestles time to a
glittering standstill
carries us with him into
art and pure expression
of how it all might be

Another Book

I want to write something
this will have to do will do
I was thinking play stories
or another book imagined
make something up of air
imagining I can why not
and meantime there's this