My Story

was that yesterday or the day before
once it's over it's time to do it again

was that today or fifty-odd years ago
I never slept the phone always rang

is this my story or somebody else's
who told me everything about myself

Waking Up

the key to vitality is exercise
the key to exercise is consistency
the key to consistency is not letting anything stop you
such as not being in the mood
the key to mood is knowing it changes
the key to changes is knowing nothing changes
no that's not right
change is the essence of existence
even when we feel stuck
the key to existence is realization
the key to realization is waking up
the key to waking up is making moves
the key to making moves is to want to have fun

Too Late

the moral force of a fig
eat me it pleads
too late
throwing it in the garbage feels wrong
too soft
dozens more ripening
too many

Air Itself

character is style
you don't have to try
you can't get away
even if you want to

like smoke or air
itself still breathing
a person emerges
none can understand

existing is the point
you keep on making
your own sweet way
like everybody else

Mere Ecstasy

do I care what young people like
pop consumers gonzo on stars I've
never heard of so much for N+1

the biz never interested me even
when I was interested in every-
thing good imaginative unique

privately hip and still less now
thrills better than mere ecstasy
at the time but I wasn't happy

Shrinking Intervals

hair shorts boots echo Chopin
in the cluttered church a laugh
remainder of the ruined world

we went there returned empty
time passing fills shorter days
infinite movies feed the nights

animals rely on regular times
despite the shrinking intervals
ineradicable repetition satisfies

To Write

He wanted to write, just write, for the sheer pleasure of it, feel the words oozing out on the screen, which could be paper, forming patterns and shapes of possible meaning, which could be anything. The shifts from pen and ink to typewriter to computer had been momentous, the process once mechanical and laborious, drawing, then operating a machine, now almost effortless, letters appearing fully formed, grouping themselves into words, words grouping themselves into sentences and larger structures, bringing into being anything you like, place, time, story, idea, visual experience, emotion, with visceral dimensions evoked by activating memories of comparable personal experience. He wanted to play with it, like music with all its aspects, intelligence, craft, imagination, moods, kinetic energies, spirit. He wanted a reader to share his delight.

The Only Way

make moves what happens
is beyond your control but
if you know what you want
actions can make it likelier

I mean submitting my book
to agents and publishers it
seems to be the only way as
one says no approach another

Real Regret

is it real regret politely called in
I regret bombs on Arabs American
warships in the Persian Gulf spraying
death and destruction intruding on
other civilizations' historic anguish

An Anecdote

everything that happens
turns into an anecdote
if it doesn't maybe it didn't
undone by neglect and disregard
if anything can ever be undone

For Now

all right for now sums it up neatly
as I dig for meaning plan my days
do what I do now easily smoothly
completing moving on to the next

all right for now until something
goes seriously wrong we succumb
to unspecifiable inevitable doom
never mind we're all right for now

Present Tense

do I need Jim Thompson
what do I gain by reading
not for the memory doing
for doing forgetting O.K.

against the time I go blind
synthesized voices readers
alternatives abound looking
forward to the present tense

Where I Am

I don't have to go they come to me
it seems so gross transporting the body
clear across the country in a seated position

I am at the Jefferson Market Library
enjoying Magie's talk about the Caffè Cino
saying hello to Mari-Claire Paul Bob and John

I am outside 441 East Ninth Street
at the dedication of Frank O'Hara's plaque
remembering talk music a night with Joe LeSueur

they come to find me where I am
the body not so important anymore no one
flirts with me I don't need to physically be there

Way Out

can I say off base
is it a baseball metaphor
a military metaphor
a cliche
what is a better expression
can I use an existing expression
trapped in language
we repeat what we hear
trying to be understood
we say the same thing
because it is the same thing
we are the same
a middle class
artist-intellectuals
born in the 1930s
think your way out of that

Hippie Essences

Hölderlin in Chinese im Schwarzwald
thanks to Jonas Mekas longtime friend
I don't really know but love for being

hippie essences still fragrant beautiful
senses still respond exotic subtleties
beyond within every day's new collage

In Addition

the cock crows
he is up and writing
slow dim daylight
reveals parched lawn
time reforms resumes
anticipation of meals
regular activities to
punctuate the time
interaction with others
in addition to art
not quite saying
everything he means

Not Waiting

the situation is not desperate yet
not here but everywhere around
still to come inevitably deadly

wait for it as if not waiting being
oneself doing what one does to
beguile the time cultivate love

Too Personal

I wrote something else removed it
was too personal myself with other
keep it private for special reasons
not everything needs to be public

my own secrets ready to be read
if anybody's interested I tell all
my lesser moments with the best
friends better than they can know

Our Fate

air very smoky
good you're not
here is this our
fate not to be
able to breathe

How We Are

what is special blueberry pancakes
weeding blueberries Mozart Bach
tuna sandwich dreaming pingpong
modern dance typically undressed

don't ask and you won't be told
and if you are much is forgotten
in-between moves feeling talking
about how we are and understand

Higher Education

beneficial outcomes suggest low-dose lithium
would help neurons essential to human living
adjusted input normally preserves momentum

this is no substitute for thought and sensitivity
subtle insight arising if allowed and prepared
sharing enhances art's impact consequence

the impulse goes on without higher education
progress can be made by intention desirous
striving open inspired fast reading at random

More Emotion

did I say what matters more
emotion than everyone else
whether you were right or not
which of your powers failed

did you tell me what I wanted
to hear or what you believed
was true in the moment said
this is the actual situation

everything changes anyway
so even if you didn't reveal
what I wanted to know you'd
be equally certain to prevail

Equal Evil

Obama's rhetoric of good intentions
evades my hearing I cannot go along

something must be done while things
that really must be done remain undone

evil can only be destroyed by arms in
alliance with equal evil who will win

we are not better only not quite as bad
high-tech barbarity keeps hands clean

Health Benefits

is delicious enough
or do we require more
say nourishment energy
health benefits virtue
in the growing picking
transport preparation it's
impossible to be good

With Cream

say something or someone else will
destroy the precious silence sound
insist on being heard anyone'll do
continuously reporting whatever
happens to occur to you groping
over raspberry crumble with cream

Whole Person

first how old then gender name
hair color stature temperament
soon you have a whole person
doing whatever most people do
plus their own idiosyncratic life

we are made by what happens
our one chance spasm of time
eddies of energy dissolving as
we grope for permanence and
meaning beyond temporal fact

More Dimensions

quick while you have a
minute catch it before it
dissolves into something
equally important but not
the same nor will remain

some things have long-
range purposes most are
only now others operate
in more dimensions as if
sufficient to themselves

My Way

All I wanted was to know where we were so I could get oriented and find my way to the station to catch a train or bus back to the city.

Regular Meals

white-tiled bathrooms of my memory
white-tiled Italian restaurant on Third
Avenue close to Bloomingdales that
was a moment marked with meaning
time can't go back one must press on
regular meal times and everything else

Another Winter

one horse instead of four
five hens instead of six
seventy-eight instead of -seven
less work for "mother"
as the garden winds down
someone else to dig holes
build the arbor we designed
for the new archival rose
someone else to fix the gate
wool for another winter
before our language is lost