Real Writing

the computer is my friend and nemesis
suddenly unpredictable doing things I
didn't intend popping up menus losing
chunks of text if I don't watch my wits

real writing would be drawing letters
word sentence paragraph instead I'm
cuing pictures of how type would look
if real type were only practical anymore

random access not the same as memory
lasts only a little longer than our lives
how you say what you say what makes
more of it than a writer's random ideas

Precious Time

delicious dream cookies a bright green
Cadillac so what Montecito how can I
ever have wanted to be there alien life
forms abound imagine something else

nothing else but this remotely possible
buzzing with immanence circumstance
completing itself over my happy body
consuming what's left of precious time

Slowly Calmly

plenty of time my ancient mantra
I really don't have enough anymore
exercising more and moving slower
too few hours a day writing my book
which progresses slowly taking years

I like to start the day evenly calmly
work for two hours before breakfast
do my routines before anything else
claims me for most of the morning
then following lunch I take my nap

so it goes on just as I have planned
though I didn't know it at the time
doing what the situation called for
hoping it would all work out it did
though not what anyone expected

Fast Thinking

one movement at a time
then on to something less
musical or in another way

Adagio hard enough now
fast thinking steps aside
allows the fingers' dance

if only I were better I'd be
good what then it's plenty
greed no part of this joy

The Cards

the brain on hold relaxes
the cards do its thinking
how pleasant to be alive

music can be heard or
played if you have time
to think of nothing else

balance work and play
enough of each is more
than I deserve to expect

Go Ahead

one low card can stop the play
if you get up and leave that's it
the play is over go ahead go

if you don't want to go where is
the conflict if no conflict why do
anything if there is no drama

without drama why stay there
for the set lighting overacting
dealing another solitary hand

I Do

I don't have to go anywhere
or do anything
but I do

so do I
says the voyager
departing again for Ha Noi

Not Here

anyone you asked would have said the same thing
that the stars are no longer where they appear to be
just as dead people are not here exactly but still exist
shining through a medium I might as well call ether

it's comforting if you can wrap your mind around it
easy if you actually look at the stars if the sky is clear
the lights of screens and cities cities not too blinding
urgent hungers and desires not stopping your breath

Making Cookies

too soon is as bad as too late
you have to be born at a good
juncture invisible at the time
be ready if the moment comes

it seems impossible to be alive
expecting yourself to succeed
in the face of terrible examples
history's damage already done

optimism is necessary denial
ideals a hedge against reality
courage making cookies when
you can't even pay the rent

Our Terms

painful to read a good story written badly
edited book lapsing of attention confused
facts thin imagination not making this up

I was sometimes there and it was not like
this blundering intentions good but little
taste for content style rewarding visions

who said what meant something else we
wanted what was not on offer our terms
unconsidered willful desperate openings

closed after one night couldn't see ahead
wild people gambling on the edge of rich
indulgence not drinking I could not join

Special Air

the blue hour here is green
outside my plastic windows
is it grass or evergreen rain
or special air hens muddied
general decrepitude chilling
northern night already light
returning slow sure hopeful
if anything certain anymore

Another Day

I did it already a thousand times or two
only one first and never remember last

that doesn't stop me doing it again and
again with infinitely renewable interest

does the sun mind rising on another day

Warm Inside

necessary bravery in the young
and old shines through the fog

we are warm inside in spite of
all the odds stacked against us

fearsome despite family support
love the scaffold of construction

advantaged building ourselves
still exposed to all the elements

Beyond Design

this momentary order of forces
molecular cosmic spirituistical
intricate elegant beyond design
is not merely observed by me
unless you are all my figments
clearly not you fill space much
as I do we concur about basics
assumptions of facticity and art
what is beauty harmony color
delicious foods glad conversing
poised on nothing still persist

Still Laughing

how good of you to come so far
still laughing and cheerful after
nineteen hours 2 young lawyers
defending against banks & IRS
squeezing poor people for $$$
one in Las Vegas one in Tampa
one Guatemalan one Taiwanese
an all-American here and now
seriously thinking nothing of it

Still Pond

tall boy crosses road running
brown chicken grazes in ditch
duck makes wake in still pond

impressions stand in for ideas
as if someone else were there
instead of me driving to lunch

What I Want

if I can't see I can't hear myself
think what I want to be doing

Being Alive

thinking of thinking all these details
have to come together in one thought
thought in the instant of being alive

decades like flowers wilting too soon
forgotten before entirely known only
this one effective specific for regret

every relation must be gone before
and over thought twice too quickly
redefined again against the grain

Actual Doing

new vocabulary of good intentions
may be a start toward actual doing
something can come from nothing

a vague impulse slowly takes form
invisible not to be trusted not real
without infinite intermediary acts

decisions are made beneath words
logic deployed after to cover tracks
analyze explain it's what people do

still something will have to happen
all you do is what you will become
take responsibility and be yourself

Tell Me

if I don't know
how can I do anything
if you don't tell me
how can I know

Wet Hair

if I was here I would wonder
how raindrops keep forming
so many unevenly tapping on
roofs windows gardens heads
without hats wet hair slicken
streets disrupt lunch plans if
you take them at all seriously
I don't just drive more slowly
prizing threatened continuity

Nothing Else

What else should I be doing?
Nothing else. This is it.

What We Want

glimpses of intimate experience
evidence that there is an inside
not just emotion but also thought
everything is physical but not just
this is what we want from writers
and other people otherwise alone

Further Reports

I
now
we love
toes break
days get away
no longer children
animals depend on us
if we knew better we would
nothing doing locks in mistakes
profits we might have made more of
a taste for complexity of color and incident
further reports of who thought what and did it all

Not Like That

I keep falling into this but that
each statement qualified a but
taking back what I tried to say
yes but to any question of fact

as if reality is qualified but it's
not like that elemental in pairs
everything qualifies everything
else and stands proudly alone

as if it could exist sans context
artificially constructed symbol
of itself habitually in opposition
to the rest of the sentence it's in

Infinite Events

"Bisexuality is in fact more common than exclusively same-sex attraction." —New York Times

dream can be anything
it is not just anything
detail will be infinite
events begin and end
field edges arbitrary
actual eventualities
there and then over
echoes imagined real

What Bubbles

unexpected changes change more than expected
do ask do tell would help negotiate the obstacles
not knowing never useful for the realist dreams
release secrets in secret language barely known
you were vague didn't want to pry or out anyone
thinking you know what you think what bubbles

To Love

changeless fog conceals bright clarity
thin veils memory of future summers
morning came an hour late foretelling
unplanned plot-lines relaxing limits
vision compromised by shifting time
reliable automechanical components
forgotten lessons given over to love