Fear Defied

miserablism Asian or not looms
as a genre promises delivers rain
gloom suggested by the season
salt on a pitiful wounded orphan

what am I doing writing wait an
hour strikes fear defied by habits
folded crisply blurred windshield
rattling from the drinkable charge

All Over

even then I thought it was all
over but not at all I had another
life two no three and here I still am

the world though is seriously worse
off comforts fleeting stability illusion
mismanaged mankind self-destructing

I have to die but why must the entire
shebang makes even less sense if it
doesn't go on getting better for all

All Done

all over the sense of discovery
the making up of who I am or
might be in different situations
arising unexpectedly from air

all gone that feeling uncertain
hope to get away with it again
still wonder no need to worry
I've done it before it was fine

all done the ego excavations
measured against a not quite
certain success I already did
what I always do this is it

Cool Air

a good idea may follow none
turn me on and out they come

the sum of sun is summer fun
I know you know what I mean

a sudden inclination to say yes
heralds a resumption of travel

thus mind follows body feeling
good again warm water cool air

Intimate Revelations

behind the audience find me wondering
what's happening in the wings excluded
from actors' boring backstage bonhomie
my intimate revelations unacknowledged

it's frustrating finished I'd rather rehearse
preferring process to the product on sale
who can afford contemporary living as if
rich in offing textures chosen even cheap

Just Learning

partly cloudy versus mostly sunny
sums up neatly though it's raining
phone to Welsh weavers goes right
through we decide what's possible
before seven and an urban outing

it isn't so confusing we can choose
the outlook if not the weather do
plan or change it try to rise above
backache practically mental other
feelings I'm just learning to outwit

Face Down

speaking of what we think we know
dispels rumors of disengagement as
if I had gone away never to return an
unread book abandoned face down

say it while you can before selective
aphasia deprives the world of your
freshest best ingredients bad recipe
remembered Asian cucumber salad

sweet methodism with little glasses
grape juice avoid the whole decision
believe you will be reintroduced past
memory often always misunderstood

On Work

Thinking about the honorable drones who work in hospitals, say, dutifully following stringent protocols, doing their tasks, keeping things going along, or countless other job-holders, not to mention physical labor, I realize the great class distinction I and my kind embody: the artist-intellectual doesn't work. Not in the way a worker works, performing defined tasks to objective standards, usefully steady, team player, cog in machine. We claim autonomy, a deeper duty to determine our own endeavors and pursue the dictates of our own ideas—if they are our own. There's the rub.

Way Back

do I discover what is right myself
no a long history of moral thought
makes me think the only way I can
emerges solidified as what I know

there must be a way I can open up
let immediate reality pass through
the carapace of received ideation
actually respond to what I read

for example Leonard Melfi's death
the way a person becomes a body
long hallowed right of sepulcher
wounded feelings recognized tort

we see because we have to deeply
formed by history goes all the way
back however modern we may be
ourself one summation of eternity

So Easy

I don't have to push myself
it just happens if it's so easy
does it count is it any good

Dream Logic

something happens then something else
mostly you already know what to expect
mistakes occur instead of dream logic
just as well not let sheer anarchy enter

how then live present knowing a future
already waits appointment in Samarra
choices playing systems accumulating
errors accidents statistically adding up

as if you don't know what a day brings
one beat after another a toilet flushes
someone else was there all the time in
parallel another predictable trajectory

pretend you don't know be surprised
what you imagined comes to be real
pleasures to be plucked are to flower
again sustained by what you planted

Low Curve

the faint hiss of rain falling on water
echoes the low curve of pale rainbow
shallow end almost shockingly warm

I am alone in the pool but for a little
boy doing what the teacher says laps
much longer for a small flailing body

is that everything I have to say about
a day appointments unfolding smooth
moves effortlessly fit everything else in

Too Much

at least it didn't rain
she said meaning what I
can't imagine do we ever
understand each other at all

as if whatever happened
was bad enough sunny
and one more thing
would have been too much

Tattered Dignity

New people came in before we were even gone. The new editor sat at your desk ignoring my existence and had a meeting with her new staff. She asked one arrogant fool what he wanted in the way of salary, and he mouthed a number so high they all laughed in delighted disbelief. Isn't it ridicilous how we can enrich ourselves? I picked up my coffee, gone cold, and my tattered dignity and left.

Only Imagine

want what you can get
what you need if lucky
comes when it's ready

children with their own
agendas face realities
you can only imagine

made-up stories charm
as if usefully supplied
or specifically chosen

Long Bones

I still had time I thought
if I didn't get lost again
forget what I was to do
who I was meant to be

long bones weigh more
press harder on the bed

I still had time although
others had wandered off
looking for fresh ideas
weary of usual pursuits

the same is all we have
selves formed in acting

Grape Jelly

tomatoes gardens mowing
driveway lights bicycle dinners
letters movies piano
grape jelly

communication history
investments Stoic philosophy
time misgovernment
the body

how can wrong be righted
fairness rise newborn
truth replace lies
love trump fear

Time Comes

don't trip don't fall bones break instant
sudden setback steel plate friends drop
time comes when you least expect it

time comes when it will no will will
prevail will fails hold rail watch step
eat real food all systems sound for now

Berries Enough

no hush no nothing filled with sound
something unthinkable persistently on

how many berries is enough picking
often over figs are the latest explosion

such night reminds itself of another
same or different weathers of a place

Convincing Answers

summerly spare no mischief
relapse in the right direction
placate immediate responses
satisfying everybody's needs

when time comes I'm ready
will what naturally occurs
devise convincing answers
for questions scarcely heard

tomorrow promising hotter
affects each a different way
frightens wearies reassures
bonus price of being perfect

Too Much

if sex is good why
are you looking at
me like that think
what you will can
say too much here

let go for a while
change horses in
midstream racing
downhill winning
less more than not

then a time comes
when all could not
be otherwise wise
to ambiguities hot
for perfect resolve

More Alive

life always ends badly but
stories have happy endings
reading I want to feel more
alive larger someone else
writing to forget myself or
say something that matters
to me how else be meaning

Nor Here

space is not silence
comfortably restored
time is not a story
telling has to follow
free is not released
from everybody's fear
as night is never day
nor here exactly this

Milk Toast

more lost than found eventually catches up
I need to change my tone in spite of liking
everything the way it is too late for all that

mothers come back at the strangest times
I start to think everything goes right back
to what you had to deal with at the start

God knows mine was benign made me love
being sick though I seldom was she was so
sweet gave me a little bell brought milk toast

other mothers more difficult best friends
contending with strictness limits coldness
I knew how lucky I was a dangerous idea

otherwise entirely over an empty memory
uncomforted I acknowledge earlier time
gone for good yet ruling my very nature

Enough History

so much in your letter I had to read it twice
even then I couldn't take it all in
you mean we have been on the right track all along
opposing war accepting all our brothers and sisters
beyond issues fools for truth in art

reality takes care of itself and wins in the end
when only the forgotten are remembered
cheap paradox I mean only play is serious
now never can be said enough history
repeats again save attention for your own news

He Can

après moi rien only meaning here
now centered in my continuing on
life a thin layer under infinite sky

others exist each tree a soul you
in your car and your connections
each believing trying to matter

a speck a wink on a random dot
or each a part of the great whole
each all in miniature could count

hold that thought for future need
call Julian right away ready to
help if he thinks he can he can

Our Foreign Cousin

The family gathered, but I wasn't sure we were actually going to Burning Man. I left them at the hotel and went to check it out. The temporary city was in a different setting than before, hidden in the trees at the bottom of a valley. Halfway down the wide gravel entrance road I saw the smoke. I'd heard that a smoke was one of the major art effects this year. It was thick, white, dense, rolling slowly through the trees, filling in between and hiding them. I wasn't at all sure we wanted to breathe it, Carol especially, and anyway I was dubious about all the walking around because of my hip. I drove down to the bottom and sniffed the air ahead of the smoke, which smelled faintly of incense. Turning around to leave, I was alarmed to discover that my car almost couldn't make it back up the steep road. It crawled in first gear, the engine barely turning over fast enough to keep going, with no power to accellerate. If it stalled I would never be able to get it going again. I was even pushing with my feet, at least in my mind. Imagine my relief when we crawled over the top onto level ground! I went back to the hotel, where everybody was getting hungry and wanted to go to the Olive Garden. Someone had brought an angel food cake, which our foreign cousin took upon himself to slice and serve onto little plates. I tasted a crumb. It was sweet with that special angel food flavor, probably delicious with the lemon sauce. It seemed a peculiar time to be eating cake, though, just before going out to dinner. I didn't want to spoil my somewhat uncertain appetite so I didn't indulge. My uneaten slice looked forlorn sitting on the table by itself. I was impressed that our foreign cousin was so aware of each one of us, quite unlike myself, that he had cut exactly the right number of slices.

It Passes

choices are made the consequences
follow beyond reckoning as if you
had any control of what you decide

time spent or misspent what can
be the difference it passes I change
whatever I thought I was doing